Ok. I know usually people don't change their blog so often. & I'm not really changing mine. It's just that it's so convenient for me to blog via Tumblr on my mobile. And usually when I have something I wanna blog bout, it's usually short too. Hee! Thus the creation of the new "on the go" blog. http://babymitten.tumblr.com/
I have not done anything much to the blog yet, since I mainly update it through my mobile... N the standard view on computer & the mobile view is different.
It's addictive though! Whoopie to new stuff!
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Champagne?
After two weeks of not meeting my gals, I feel like I'm going mad with boredom. Is it two or one? Aiya don't know la. I think mainly because hubs is not around ao I really crave for some company. Sigh. Why aren't there more options for me?
This last mOnth I have been thinking about whether we should have a second kid. But really, what's holding me back is mainly because I can't seem to get time off for myself. That's with one kid. I really don't dare to think of what's gonna happen when I have another. And I'm scared. This may sound selfish, but after two years with Kate, n finally beginning to enjoy what little bit of free time, I am unsure if I'm willing to risk my sanity again for another kid. I love Kate to bits n I'll do it all over for her again, but some how I'm really scared of having a second kid and I really wonder how I'll manage. Perhaps I should have done so earlier- have the second one I mean.
After having a very lousy day, I'm now eyeing the Moet I bought a year ago. Perhaps to cheer myself up, I should have some.
This last mOnth I have been thinking about whether we should have a second kid. But really, what's holding me back is mainly because I can't seem to get time off for myself. That's with one kid. I really don't dare to think of what's gonna happen when I have another. And I'm scared. This may sound selfish, but after two years with Kate, n finally beginning to enjoy what little bit of free time, I am unsure if I'm willing to risk my sanity again for another kid. I love Kate to bits n I'll do it all over for her again, but some how I'm really scared of having a second kid and I really wonder how I'll manage. Perhaps I should have done so earlier- have the second one I mean.
After having a very lousy day, I'm now eyeing the Moet I bought a year ago. Perhaps to cheer myself up, I should have some.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Perfecto
Nothing could beat today.
Started the day with cheery lil Kate n after sending her off to school, I'm now making my way to town to meet a friend n aferwards go shopping for a gift for a very special someone. Already in a good moOd even though I hate lone shopping trips. My grand aunt called earlier n every time she calls, she puts a smile on my face! I'm sure if I had the chance to meet my deceased grandparents, I would have lOved them!
So to top off the icing on the cake, The Script, Damien, & Chris Martin are going to accompany me on my bus trips and shopping later. Is that cool or what?!
Started the day with cheery lil Kate n after sending her off to school, I'm now making my way to town to meet a friend n aferwards go shopping for a gift for a very special someone. Already in a good moOd even though I hate lone shopping trips. My grand aunt called earlier n every time she calls, she puts a smile on my face! I'm sure if I had the chance to meet my deceased grandparents, I would have lOved them!
So to top off the icing on the cake, The Script, Damien, & Chris Martin are going to accompany me on my bus trips and shopping later. Is that cool or what?!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
All things beautiful
You know, everybody has dreams and a to-do to-see list in their lives. It has ALWAYS been my dream to travel around Europe, backpacking no less, see the 12 apostles at the Great Ocean road in Melbourne, take a great long cruise round the world, visit Mauritius, the Greek Islands, and finally, the top of my list is to see the mystical amd beautiful Aurora Borealis! So yea, the list kinda goes on.
And guess what? Des has done the backpacking round Europe for me, and now hubs is going to see the 12 apostles for me, tomorrow! Dad has also seen it just two years back! Groan! Everybody's living my dream/fulfilling my top hundred things/places to see list! Boooooo. I made hubs promise plenty of photos, n a postcard featuring the 12 Apostles. (in case u have not figured it out, I'm into postcards which are sent to me from overseas!) So! Very envious of my hubby who is enjoying low temperatures, grey skies n gloomy weather (which I love sooo much) and beautiful scenary! (I don't envy the 14 hours day shift and 15 days work though)
It's a good thing I saw the pictures he took and straightaway knew he took a few shots of beautiful grey skies n gloom for me ha ha! Oh well. Perhaps I can get to see the Auroras myself then?! *Bit of a far fetched dream, I reckon I won't survive the cold. Hmmm.
And guess what? Des has done the backpacking round Europe for me, and now hubs is going to see the 12 apostles for me, tomorrow! Dad has also seen it just two years back! Groan! Everybody's living my dream/fulfilling my top hundred things/places to see list! Boooooo. I made hubs promise plenty of photos, n a postcard featuring the 12 Apostles. (in case u have not figured it out, I'm into postcards which are sent to me from overseas!) So! Very envious of my hubby who is enjoying low temperatures, grey skies n gloomy weather (which I love sooo much) and beautiful scenary! (I don't envy the 14 hours day shift and 15 days work though)
It's a good thing I saw the pictures he took and straightaway knew he took a few shots of beautiful grey skies n gloom for me ha ha! Oh well. Perhaps I can get to see the Auroras myself then?! *Bit of a far fetched dream, I reckon I won't survive the cold. Hmmm.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Starting to grow so darn weary of this.
Every few weeks it must happen and only to me.
Every time it happens I feel so darn unappreciated, so farking tired of all the accusations, so farking tired of the plain-to-see unfairness of things.
Every time I feel this way, I start thinking of who really cares or bothers.
Of course when I'm fine, I hardly notice. Or rather I still do notice but I can't be bothered, trying to brush aside my hurt feelings. Shes not the only one who treats me this way after all. There are others too. And seriously I don't know why I still bother with them all. And my night just got a whole lot worse. Kate coughed til she vomitted and that also means no school for her tomorrow I guess. Sigh. Murphy's law. Perhaps there is another law that says that when things go wrong, usually it all happens at one go.
I wished Ken was here. Right now.
Every few weeks it must happen and only to me.
Every time it happens I feel so darn unappreciated, so farking tired of all the accusations, so farking tired of the plain-to-see unfairness of things.
Every time I feel this way, I start thinking of who really cares or bothers.
Of course when I'm fine, I hardly notice. Or rather I still do notice but I can't be bothered, trying to brush aside my hurt feelings. Shes not the only one who treats me this way after all. There are others too. And seriously I don't know why I still bother with them all. And my night just got a whole lot worse. Kate coughed til she vomitted and that also means no school for her tomorrow I guess. Sigh. Murphy's law. Perhaps there is another law that says that when things go wrong, usually it all happens at one go.
I wished Ken was here. Right now.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Strangulation
Our conversation on the taxi home today. Kate was playing with my fingers, trying to manipulate them into different positions. She came up with one, laughed and said;
Kate: "Strangle!"
Me: "What's that?!"
Kate: "Strangle, strangle!"
Me, laughing: "Triangle you mean!"
Kate: "Strangle!"
Me: "What's that?!"
Kate: "Strangle, strangle!"
Me, laughing: "Triangle you mean!"
Friday, May 13, 2011
Loving every night
I look forward to every night...
Because that's the time when you would skype us, and after Kate goes to sleep, we continue our conversation on phone. I am so grateful that your allowance is enough to enable little perks like that.
In a weird way, it feels like we are dating again, since we talk every night on the phone before we retire to bed, albeit separately. But it's a bonus nevertheless...
So now, every night, I'm anticipating your nightly calls... Til tomorrow, my love.
Because that's the time when you would skype us, and after Kate goes to sleep, we continue our conversation on phone. I am so grateful that your allowance is enough to enable little perks like that.
In a weird way, it feels like we are dating again, since we talk every night on the phone before we retire to bed, albeit separately. But it's a bonus nevertheless...
So now, every night, I'm anticipating your nightly calls... Til tomorrow, my love.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
We.Miss.You
It's a weds night. The last three days I spent sleeping and working longer than usual.
It's been only four days since hubs left for Hong kong. Everything's as usual, of course. But underlying that all, I miss him dearly. I miss my partner in parenting. There's so much more to say, but sometimes things are better left unsaid. Just the day before, hubs hurt his toe... And I'm praying that it will heal completely so that he doesn't have to work in pain. For this training is important, yet so is his well-being. He can't afford to take medical leave and rest when that is what he needs right now... But I trust that all will be well and he will be able to focus completely with no pain nor swelling.
Kate's on her second week at school. Actually had tons to write about it...But for the moment, that has to wait. At the back of my mind, I'm worried as to how she is adjusting at school. But so far she seems to be enjoying it, though she's having trouble napping there. I hate the nagging thought that I'm just leaving my daughter to others. But I know for a fact that's not my plan nor objective.
The other night when hubs called, Kate spoke to him and while sobbing, (because she was throwing a tantrum then) she said to daddy; "Daddy, please come back..." That. That sentance, uttered with so much yearning in her tiny voice, broke our hearts so completely for the second time in our lives since we had her. The first being when she shoved jelly into her mouth during that painful hand, foot and mouth disease period. Both of us admitted to each other how we nearly cried when we heard her say that. It was a heartbreaking, and yet heartwarming moment. Kate loves and misses daddy, even when she's so young.
It hurts a little to have to stay apart like this. But it will pass soon... Of course for Kate, hubs and me, soon is never soon enough...
Missing you. Every waking moment. Even when I try to occupy myself.
It's been only four days since hubs left for Hong kong. Everything's as usual, of course. But underlying that all, I miss him dearly. I miss my partner in parenting. There's so much more to say, but sometimes things are better left unsaid. Just the day before, hubs hurt his toe... And I'm praying that it will heal completely so that he doesn't have to work in pain. For this training is important, yet so is his well-being. He can't afford to take medical leave and rest when that is what he needs right now... But I trust that all will be well and he will be able to focus completely with no pain nor swelling.
Kate's on her second week at school. Actually had tons to write about it...But for the moment, that has to wait. At the back of my mind, I'm worried as to how she is adjusting at school. But so far she seems to be enjoying it, though she's having trouble napping there. I hate the nagging thought that I'm just leaving my daughter to others. But I know for a fact that's not my plan nor objective.
The other night when hubs called, Kate spoke to him and while sobbing, (because she was throwing a tantrum then) she said to daddy; "Daddy, please come back..." That. That sentance, uttered with so much yearning in her tiny voice, broke our hearts so completely for the second time in our lives since we had her. The first being when she shoved jelly into her mouth during that painful hand, foot and mouth disease period. Both of us admitted to each other how we nearly cried when we heard her say that. It was a heartbreaking, and yet heartwarming moment. Kate loves and misses daddy, even when she's so young.
It hurts a little to have to stay apart like this. But it will pass soon... Of course for Kate, hubs and me, soon is never soon enough...
Missing you. Every waking moment. Even when I try to occupy myself.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Singapore's big day
I have so, so much to blog about...
But in view of one of the most important day in Singapore... I have decided to blog about what I feel about the general election instead.
I have always dislike politics. To much to read about and it doesn't interest me at all. To say the least, I was one of those apathetic young adult, who didn't care much about politics and the like. (What?! I consider myself young ok? Lol)
But thanks to my hubby, who took so much interest in the election early on in april, and kept lecturing me about it two hours DAILY for a week... I finally took the step to reading the news; the whole article and not just the headlines. I also read most of the articles people put up on Facebook, which I had dismissed before. The one very important factor was that I told hubs that I will vote for no party; and his answer shocked me... He told me that if I didn't vote for any side at all, most probably that vote will be considered PAP's, since it means that I have no opinion about them running the show, so my null vote would be in their favor. Ok la, I really don't know if it actually works that way...but it jotted me anyway. Because not voting just means I don't know or don't care but I don't want it to be in their favor anyway. Like many, I also believed that my vote would not matter; I just don't feel that PAP will lose le... Like come on, so many years already...
SO anyway. I read up fervently. And discovered how much I didn't know. I read about policies, about ministers and what they said before... I read about why the current policies worked and didn't. And many, many more.
This year's election IS exciting. For the first time in history, so many seats are being contested. And it does show how many people are unhappy, doesn't it? A famous blogger blogged about it too...And hubs says its like propaganda. Hmmm... Kinda makes sense in a way, because she's influential and many young people reads her blog. She didn't say anything to influence our decisions but its clear whose side she's taking. The thing is...I really think that everyone who has to make a vote, should make an informed decision. By informed, I don't mean reading random ranting posts by anyone...
I love Singapore... And I'm grateful and proud that LKY and the likes of him, Goh Keng Swee, Toh Chin Chye, Rajarathnam, David Marshall, have put us out there on the map and made Singapore what it is now, a bustling city. (I hate the human traffic though, and the weather.) The thing is, this upcoming election has taught me alot about our current government or rather the just dissolved one. But I guess its a lot to be writing about and I'm not as great a writer as some...
http://yaevlejunce.wordpress.com/2009/12/12/my-vote-counts-10-reasons-why-i-cannot-vote-for-the-pap-in-the-next-election/
I think this is a great article. Its lengthy. But um, whoever we vote in will rule for 5 years. This article won't take you 0.5 hours to read. I don't agree with everything said, but I agree with the following(and more):
"I cannot vote for a government that decides its own ridiculous salaries DESPITE a very strong public opinion against it."
(I can't either...and it's really not just about their paychecks but everything else that has been brought up before. Despite what we bring up or object to, it all gets swept under the carpet, brushed off til now. Just before D day. Our government has never apologised, but in today's news, Lee Hsien Loong has apologised. *On Yahoo! news*)
"What Singapore needs is change
Lastly, by voting for a significant change to the status quo, Singaporean youths will become less apathetic, seeing that, for the first time in their lives, CHANGE is really possible in this country, and that they can make a difference in deciding for the future of Singapore.
The PAP will also be less complacent if it meets with a stunning defeat. Its cold Point 8-type ministers will also learn that it is Singaporeans they are supposed to be serving, not themselves. They will learn to treasure their constituents, to sincerely listen their opinions and to truly help them – all these are SUPPOSED to be their job in the first place.
People will also start to dare to join the Opposition. The only reason why I do not wish for the Opposition to take over the government is because it is incompetent, and it is incompetent because talented men and women who are concerned about the aforementioned issues, do not have the courage or faith in the system to step forward and join the Opposition (hell no, not with a law like the ISA in place). But if the PAP faces a defeat that is significant enough, trust in the democratic system of Singapore will finally be restored and the politics of Singapore can be revived to more than just dead rhetoric.
Of course we are grateful for the many, many good things the PAP has done for Singapore. It has been an excellent government in many ways (especially economically – I wonder why). However, it has also been found lacking in many aspects. Politics is not a charity, as they would themselves say with regard to the Opposition, and we cannot vote for a government simply because it used to serve the people well. If it has lost its focus, then support for the Opposition is the only way to make them regain this focus. No one ever says “I have a good salary already, please donot give me a pay rise”. Everyone wants improvements to their lives, and if we care about this country, we should seek improvements to the way it is run as well, even if we are satisfied with this country to start with."
Of course, there are many reasons why some of us pick PAP or any of the alternate voices. However, whatever respect I had for LKY flew out the window the moment he started 'threatening' those in Aljunied. And after reading about those who were detained indefinately by him in the past. He has demonstrated that we are not to go against him. Or else. Well, remember he said that Singaporeans need to learn "graciousness"? Go figure.
There are many great articles out there... Go read some before you decide.
But in view of one of the most important day in Singapore... I have decided to blog about what I feel about the general election instead.
I have always dislike politics. To much to read about and it doesn't interest me at all. To say the least, I was one of those apathetic young adult, who didn't care much about politics and the like. (What?! I consider myself young ok? Lol)
But thanks to my hubby, who took so much interest in the election early on in april, and kept lecturing me about it two hours DAILY for a week... I finally took the step to reading the news; the whole article and not just the headlines. I also read most of the articles people put up on Facebook, which I had dismissed before. The one very important factor was that I told hubs that I will vote for no party; and his answer shocked me... He told me that if I didn't vote for any side at all, most probably that vote will be considered PAP's, since it means that I have no opinion about them running the show, so my null vote would be in their favor. Ok la, I really don't know if it actually works that way...but it jotted me anyway. Because not voting just means I don't know or don't care but I don't want it to be in their favor anyway. Like many, I also believed that my vote would not matter; I just don't feel that PAP will lose le... Like come on, so many years already...
SO anyway. I read up fervently. And discovered how much I didn't know. I read about policies, about ministers and what they said before... I read about why the current policies worked and didn't. And many, many more.
This year's election IS exciting. For the first time in history, so many seats are being contested. And it does show how many people are unhappy, doesn't it? A famous blogger blogged about it too...And hubs says its like propaganda. Hmmm... Kinda makes sense in a way, because she's influential and many young people reads her blog. She didn't say anything to influence our decisions but its clear whose side she's taking. The thing is...I really think that everyone who has to make a vote, should make an informed decision. By informed, I don't mean reading random ranting posts by anyone...
I love Singapore... And I'm grateful and proud that LKY and the likes of him, Goh Keng Swee, Toh Chin Chye, Rajarathnam, David Marshall, have put us out there on the map and made Singapore what it is now, a bustling city. (I hate the human traffic though, and the weather.) The thing is, this upcoming election has taught me alot about our current government or rather the just dissolved one. But I guess its a lot to be writing about and I'm not as great a writer as some...
http://yaevlejunce.wordpress.com/2009/12/12/my-vote-counts-10-reasons-why-i-cannot-vote-for-the-pap-in-the-next-election/
I think this is a great article. Its lengthy. But um, whoever we vote in will rule for 5 years. This article won't take you 0.5 hours to read. I don't agree with everything said, but I agree with the following(and more):
"I cannot vote for a government that decides its own ridiculous salaries DESPITE a very strong public opinion against it."
(I can't either...and it's really not just about their paychecks but everything else that has been brought up before. Despite what we bring up or object to, it all gets swept under the carpet, brushed off til now. Just before D day. Our government has never apologised, but in today's news, Lee Hsien Loong has apologised. *On Yahoo! news*)
"What Singapore needs is change
Lastly, by voting for a significant change to the status quo, Singaporean youths will become less apathetic, seeing that, for the first time in their lives, CHANGE is really possible in this country, and that they can make a difference in deciding for the future of Singapore.
The PAP will also be less complacent if it meets with a stunning defeat. Its cold Point 8-type ministers will also learn that it is Singaporeans they are supposed to be serving, not themselves. They will learn to treasure their constituents, to sincerely listen their opinions and to truly help them – all these are SUPPOSED to be their job in the first place.
People will also start to dare to join the Opposition. The only reason why I do not wish for the Opposition to take over the government is because it is incompetent, and it is incompetent because talented men and women who are concerned about the aforementioned issues, do not have the courage or faith in the system to step forward and join the Opposition (hell no, not with a law like the ISA in place). But if the PAP faces a defeat that is significant enough, trust in the democratic system of Singapore will finally be restored and the politics of Singapore can be revived to more than just dead rhetoric.
Of course we are grateful for the many, many good things the PAP has done for Singapore. It has been an excellent government in many ways (especially economically – I wonder why). However, it has also been found lacking in many aspects. Politics is not a charity, as they would themselves say with regard to the Opposition, and we cannot vote for a government simply because it used to serve the people well. If it has lost its focus, then support for the Opposition is the only way to make them regain this focus. No one ever says “I have a good salary already, please donot give me a pay rise”. Everyone wants improvements to their lives, and if we care about this country, we should seek improvements to the way it is run as well, even if we are satisfied with this country to start with."
Of course, there are many reasons why some of us pick PAP or any of the alternate voices. However, whatever respect I had for LKY flew out the window the moment he started 'threatening' those in Aljunied. And after reading about those who were detained indefinately by him in the past. He has demonstrated that we are not to go against him. Or else. Well, remember he said that Singaporeans need to learn "graciousness"? Go figure.
There are many great articles out there... Go read some before you decide.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Can I say to you, please don't go? Don't leave me here alone. Because even at our worst,you were always my pillar of support. And we only got together again recently and things are picking up... I really don't know what I'm to do without you by my side, I really don't. I know I should be strong but without u, I don't know where to draw strength from.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Life. Is. Good.
For now anyway. And I'll take it as it comes, anyhow.
I realized what work life balance is all about. And that you should always be doing things that you love, to make up for the down sides of life.
I'm just grateful for the "now". And I wanna rediscover the Maria who did whatever she liked, disregarding all the negativity around. Just pushing through it all.
Be with me on this.
For now anyway. And I'll take it as it comes, anyhow.
I realized what work life balance is all about. And that you should always be doing things that you love, to make up for the down sides of life.
I'm just grateful for the "now". And I wanna rediscover the Maria who did whatever she liked, disregarding all the negativity around. Just pushing through it all.
Be with me on this.
Friday, April 15, 2011
For everything else
I just went to register Kate at the Childcare centre.
Registration fees:$53
Uniforms:$80
Deposit:$660
First month fees:$660
My peace of mind while at work: Priceless.
There are some things in life money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard.
Like the ones below,
A new nice work bag. Preferably Miu Miu.
A lovely new chunky ring.
Air tickets to Australia.
A month's stay in Europe.
French couture furniture for my new yet-to-come place.
K. I'm kidding hubs. Lol
Registration fees:$53
Uniforms:$80
Deposit:$660
First month fees:$660
My peace of mind while at work: Priceless.
There are some things in life money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard.
Like the ones below,
A new nice work bag. Preferably Miu Miu.
A lovely new chunky ring.
Air tickets to Australia.
A month's stay in Europe.
French couture furniture for my new yet-to-come place.
K. I'm kidding hubs. Lol
Sunday, April 10, 2011
The one with the decision
You know... Sometimes in life, there will be a point when a carrot is dangled in front of you. And at that point you will need to make a decision, whether to do as you like or want, despite the consequences. Or you just do what you have to.
Alot of things are on my mind right now. Hubs will soon be going for the training, but as we all know now, nothing is confirmed yet, how long, where to and all. I am very inclined to make the decision to follow him. Because of so many reasons, many only known to me and no one else because it's not necessary to list them all; it's my decision after all. One huge factor would be the whole adventure part. I know some think I'm nuts but what better time to do this than when I'm young still n my daughter is young too and we don't have to really worry bout work and school. This, however is something alot of people will never understand nor get.
There are many things to think about, n frankly I think I have thought about most things. From money, to being alone there, to my job and after we are back, to doing nothing much there, (how absolutely glorious don't you think?)except to think of what to do there, where to go and having the time to explore the place n figuring how to get around, and just having the time to stop and look up at the beautiful clouds. Oh? You don't think it's glorious??
Of course. There will be times that we will get frustrated, or lost or have to deal with nasty situations. Like what to do if Kate is sick? Or me? Or what if we don't have enough? Or what if people are mean to us? Or when I'm having a bad day and Kate won't cooperate? What if hubs have to stay at work late all the time and we are always alone? There are so much more of course, but so far no one has brought up anything that I have not thought of already. Any solution? Actually no. I'll just have to deal with each and every problem when it happens. And because I'm a mother, I have learnt that you just really have to prepare for the worst but not worry too much and take things in your stride. I'm not a risk taker when it comes to money. But strangely I'm one when it comes to my life, in a sense.
I think... (And this is taking a huge deal for me to admit) because of the depression (Yes I finally admit it, I know I have not been happy in awhile) that I have been going through since the transition into motherhood, and all the crappish stuff in my life, that I really feel that life is so mundane and everything that I have been doing thus far is merely surviving. Don't you sometimes wonder what you are doing here? Or that you are sick of life? I have been thinking that so, so often in my whole life. Surviving from day to day, is just not worth it. I feel that life is not worth it. (Is that so suprising? I'm not saying that I'm not blessed to have everything that I have, you know) And I just wanna try something different, to live, for once. I'm not saying that going on this impromtu long trip will solve anything about the way I feel, or that it is living. I just think that this saying makes sense; "In life, sometimes you have to get lost in order to find yourself." That is why in movies(And I think it happens in real life too, I don't care if you don't know anyone like that, if you don't, then let me be the first), people up and leave for awhile, especially after a long period of everyday mundaneness or depression or a really bad time. Then usually, they come back, richer in experience, poorer in the pocket, and especially in movies, they come back renewed, and happier. (I'm not saying this will happen, just giving an example) Does this makes sense? I am really so bad at articulating exactly how I feel, I mean I try, but when I read it, it just isn't enough to describe exactly how I'm feeling inside. But I guess, this is a sorta "how I feel" I must be thinking bout the whole "adventure" part.
Anyway, the most important person in this decision making has brought up his concerns and also made his stand quite clear too. And yes, hubs feel that I shouldn't go and stay for the whole duration, for reasons that I understand and agree on. So since his answer is better not, I'll leave it as it is. So there. Mind made up for me already. Nothing else to add...
Alot of things are on my mind right now. Hubs will soon be going for the training, but as we all know now, nothing is confirmed yet, how long, where to and all. I am very inclined to make the decision to follow him. Because of so many reasons, many only known to me and no one else because it's not necessary to list them all; it's my decision after all. One huge factor would be the whole adventure part. I know some think I'm nuts but what better time to do this than when I'm young still n my daughter is young too and we don't have to really worry bout work and school. This, however is something alot of people will never understand nor get.
There are many things to think about, n frankly I think I have thought about most things. From money, to being alone there, to my job and after we are back, to doing nothing much there, (how absolutely glorious don't you think?)except to think of what to do there, where to go and having the time to explore the place n figuring how to get around, and just having the time to stop and look up at the beautiful clouds. Oh? You don't think it's glorious??
Of course. There will be times that we will get frustrated, or lost or have to deal with nasty situations. Like what to do if Kate is sick? Or me? Or what if we don't have enough? Or what if people are mean to us? Or when I'm having a bad day and Kate won't cooperate? What if hubs have to stay at work late all the time and we are always alone? There are so much more of course, but so far no one has brought up anything that I have not thought of already. Any solution? Actually no. I'll just have to deal with each and every problem when it happens. And because I'm a mother, I have learnt that you just really have to prepare for the worst but not worry too much and take things in your stride. I'm not a risk taker when it comes to money. But strangely I'm one when it comes to my life, in a sense.
I think... (And this is taking a huge deal for me to admit) because of the depression (Yes I finally admit it, I know I have not been happy in awhile) that I have been going through since the transition into motherhood, and all the crappish stuff in my life, that I really feel that life is so mundane and everything that I have been doing thus far is merely surviving. Don't you sometimes wonder what you are doing here? Or that you are sick of life? I have been thinking that so, so often in my whole life. Surviving from day to day, is just not worth it. I feel that life is not worth it. (Is that so suprising? I'm not saying that I'm not blessed to have everything that I have, you know) And I just wanna try something different, to live, for once. I'm not saying that going on this impromtu long trip will solve anything about the way I feel, or that it is living. I just think that this saying makes sense; "In life, sometimes you have to get lost in order to find yourself." That is why in movies(And I think it happens in real life too, I don't care if you don't know anyone like that, if you don't, then let me be the first), people up and leave for awhile, especially after a long period of everyday mundaneness or depression or a really bad time. Then usually, they come back, richer in experience, poorer in the pocket, and especially in movies, they come back renewed, and happier. (I'm not saying this will happen, just giving an example) Does this makes sense? I am really so bad at articulating exactly how I feel, I mean I try, but when I read it, it just isn't enough to describe exactly how I'm feeling inside. But I guess, this is a sorta "how I feel" I must be thinking bout the whole "adventure" part.
Anyway, the most important person in this decision making has brought up his concerns and also made his stand quite clear too. And yes, hubs feel that I shouldn't go and stay for the whole duration, for reasons that I understand and agree on. So since his answer is better not, I'll leave it as it is. So there. Mind made up for me already. Nothing else to add...
Friday, April 8, 2011
Four years ago, I had a vision of what my life would be in the future. I knew what I wanted, needed and what I didn't. I was adamant that I'll never change my mind.. But I did. So now here I am, where I don't want to be. And I was right then. Now, every moment of every day, I feel like a walking time bomb, ready to explode anytime. Any time.
Monday, March 14, 2011
The world and it's events
Japan is still reeling from the aftermath of the quake and tsunami, and now news that the second reactor could also suffer a blast. As news after news flash plays, a lot of things come to mind.
Do you find it difficult to believe that the world will come to an end? I watched several documentaries before this recent quake and aside from my faith, I really do think that it is very possible for the world to come to an end. From meteors hitting us to solar storms and who knows what else. I believe that the world will come to an end, but I don't believe that we can predict when. That is not ours to decide after all.
Some people were joking, some were insensitive and many nonchalant. I guess since it's happening so far away, some people are able to detach themselves and just take it as another piece of news. For me, I just really find it soooo weird to be going about my life while out there, people are struggling and are in pain, physical or not. Of course, even before this quake, there are already many out there who are in pain, and in need. And sometimes when I shop or eat at expensive places, I feel weird knowing that there are many people who could have done a lot with the money that I have just spent frivolously. It's just that whenever something major happens, I feel like it's ultra strange to be eating well and shopping while out there, people don't even have access to basic needs like water or food or a clean place to rest. As I told hubs, no matter what happens, how bad it is, and how it cripples some people's lives, the world does not stop turning for anyone. It feels so weird, really. Life goes on, for all of us. Even those affected, they have to go on.
What amazes me though while watching the news, is that the Japs who have just had everything taken from them, can still be so civil-minded and queue up to get food supplies from the store. They do not shove or push, and they do not complain. I really admire this quiet strength that they have displayed even when they are in so much pain and saddness.
At work today, an old uncle that I was working with told me that this quake is Japan's retribution. I had to bit down on my lip, so I would not get into an argument with him, and so that I won't have to be rude to him either. After such a major disaster, it baffles me that people can say such insensitive things. We should be trying to help and not be gossiping about things that has happened long ago or why it happened. To me, the war is unrelated to the quake. I don't see a relation between the two. It's just saddening that there are always those who make insensitive comments, or jokes about major disasters. But it happens, and we are all different-we view things differently. I was telling hubs that it's a good thing that Japan has good infrastructure and is developed, because it could have been so much worse if it wasn't---so many more lives could have been lost.
I read this comment somewhere..."We try to play God, but are humbled by the mighty force of what God has created. He can command storms and remember, He can calm them too. So pray for the people in Japan."
Do you find it difficult to believe that the world will come to an end? I watched several documentaries before this recent quake and aside from my faith, I really do think that it is very possible for the world to come to an end. From meteors hitting us to solar storms and who knows what else. I believe that the world will come to an end, but I don't believe that we can predict when. That is not ours to decide after all.
Some people were joking, some were insensitive and many nonchalant. I guess since it's happening so far away, some people are able to detach themselves and just take it as another piece of news. For me, I just really find it soooo weird to be going about my life while out there, people are struggling and are in pain, physical or not. Of course, even before this quake, there are already many out there who are in pain, and in need. And sometimes when I shop or eat at expensive places, I feel weird knowing that there are many people who could have done a lot with the money that I have just spent frivolously. It's just that whenever something major happens, I feel like it's ultra strange to be eating well and shopping while out there, people don't even have access to basic needs like water or food or a clean place to rest. As I told hubs, no matter what happens, how bad it is, and how it cripples some people's lives, the world does not stop turning for anyone. It feels so weird, really. Life goes on, for all of us. Even those affected, they have to go on.
What amazes me though while watching the news, is that the Japs who have just had everything taken from them, can still be so civil-minded and queue up to get food supplies from the store. They do not shove or push, and they do not complain. I really admire this quiet strength that they have displayed even when they are in so much pain and saddness.
At work today, an old uncle that I was working with told me that this quake is Japan's retribution. I had to bit down on my lip, so I would not get into an argument with him, and so that I won't have to be rude to him either. After such a major disaster, it baffles me that people can say such insensitive things. We should be trying to help and not be gossiping about things that has happened long ago or why it happened. To me, the war is unrelated to the quake. I don't see a relation between the two. It's just saddening that there are always those who make insensitive comments, or jokes about major disasters. But it happens, and we are all different-we view things differently. I was telling hubs that it's a good thing that Japan has good infrastructure and is developed, because it could have been so much worse if it wasn't---so many more lives could have been lost.
I read this comment somewhere..."We try to play God, but are humbled by the mighty force of what God has created. He can command storms and remember, He can calm them too. So pray for the people in Japan."
Sunday, March 6, 2011
I love staying here and I wished I could stay longer but I know I can't. Much as I crave to be running away from everything, I know that at the end of the day I can't. Why can't I live the way I want to?
Monday, February 28, 2011
Touched & blessed...
Lately, especially after I started work, I have been craving for some alone time with hubs. We don't really get alot of couple time, and now that I'm working too, we don't get alot of family time either. But like in the past, we are trying to make it work somehow. Of course with Kate around, it's hard to plan. And nowadays she really drives us all cuckoo! I hate the terrible twos! Sigh... But when she's fine, everything's dandy and I can only wait this whole terrible two's syndrome out. =(
So anyway, I am starting to understand why hubs sometimes wanna just go out after work and chill or whatever. And I'm beginning to realise that he would love it if I was around too, just that I have to stay home with Kate. So as I was saying, I guess its the whole "I have to work and follow my company's routine so sometimes I just wanna chill and relax." Because though I am only a part-timer, I am also feeling the whole "I wanna break out of this boring routine thing!" I mean, it applies also to full time mothers ok?? But I am realising that other people also goes through it, kid or no kid. (Mainly because now I am both a part-time employee and a 3/4 time mother) Haha.
Sooo.... just nice Michael asked hubs to go out on saturday, and to bring me along. So I was thinking about how I was to go, since weekends I know I won't be able to put her with my in-laws and didn't want to make mom have to look after her at night now too. So well, I tried my luck with my sister-in-law but she had plans and out of desperation (to finally just go out!) hubs tried his mom too. But my mil didn't dare, though she was willing to try... So in the end we didn't, for both Kate's and his mom's sake. Lol. So I was downcast the whole evening, Jo offered to help but I knew it would be risky since Kate has never had to be alone with her and Kate was afraid of Rick. So I told hubs to just go ahead because Michael and his wife Candy will be going to Vietnam soon, for two years. So that's an awfully long time. But hubs, I think, he felt really sorry for me---I really looked a sorry sight, shuffling my feet along as we made our way for dinner. I was just really so upset with our situation. I can count on just one hand how many times I have been out late without Kate, and that's for the past 2 years. And I can clock that five times easily in two weeks in the past. I even joked to hubs that nobody could rein me in when I was younger, not my parents, not anyone. But Kate? She did a smashing job at that. Hee.
So, resigned to another night of being grounded at home, I suddenly just felt like "Aiya, just ask mom. No harm done." So I asked mom and her reply? "It's not me, it depends on your daughter." Which is true. Mom, since Kate's birth, have offered before to sleep with Kate. But I refused, thinking that I should be the one doing the baby duties at night since mom was old already. So it got to the point where Kate refuses to stop crying if she wakes up and I'm not there. Now it's better, because she's beginning to sleep with Ken, and will be comforted by his presence. When I started work, because of Kate waking up early, I did mention to mom bout letting Kate sleep with her; maybe that way Kate will sleep in a bit more and not get interrupted sleep because of her parents leaving for work. Mom's reply was "Told you before to let her sleep with me right! So now then you allow." -_- Haha. So anyway I digress again. Mom agreed, and after telling her to call me if anything really happens, I got Kate ready to sleep and brought her and her stuff to the room. Initially when we were in my room and we told her we had to work, (can't tell her we going out la!) she was reluctant and said she didn't want mommy to work. When I brought her over, I told her since she is going to church the next day, ah ma and ah gong will sleep with her and wake her up. When she saw my mom reading her bible, she got all excited and with a "Ok, ah ma will read the bible to ya, pray for you & make you sleep k? Good night!", I left to change. We waited for awhile, to see if she would cry, but she didn't. And throughout the whole night, I was checking my hp, just in case, but thank goodness no call came. =)
So! We had fun chilling at this place, Cosy bar and also went to Lunar. All in all, I drank quite a bit, had fun out, and it was great being relieved of motherly duties. While there, I actually felt abit like the whole night was planned for us or something... And I was proven right when at the end of the whole night, with everyone high, Michael actually pulled us aside and hugged us both to his chest. (Yes, he did!) And he told us that this is for us, and he just wants us to be ( both hubs and I kept saying "Happy!") communicating. And Candy, she kept telling me at different points of the night to just let my hair down and not think of things at home. Hubs also told me that Michael told him to pay more attention to me... So honestly, I was seriously touched. Because it was really unexpected and to have people care about your marriage, it's just awfully sweet. So thank you guys!
And so like I said, I drank quite a bit, but! I think I have developed an inability to get drunk! I mean, I am a very lousy drinker, so it doesn't take much to get me high. But the past few times I drank quite a bit, I only got a bit high, not very, which was strange. And yesterday? With the amount I drank, I would have been seriously high but I wasn't... Hubs also noticed. =( How? Drinking is no fun if you don't get high right?? But ok la, anyway shouldn't be drinking so much. (Not that I'll have that many chances to anyway)
Mom told me Kate fell off the bed this morning, and with such a loud thud that dad jumped up in shock. Mom tried to grab Kate when she was shifting on the bed , searching for something (maybe me? or hubs?) but Kate was out of her reach. They were so worried but in the end Kate was fine. I can imagine the shock they got. And the shock poor Kate got. Sigh... So next time she sleeps with them, she's sleeping on the mattress, haha.
So! I guess though times really can be trying at times, and its really hard trying to get couple time together, it should work out soon. Jo offered to let us go for "Date nights" every 2 weeks or so. She told us to discuss and arrange for a fixed day, and just leave Kate to her. I love her for that suggestion! And am also touched by her/Rick's gesture. So now;
Weekdays--can put Kate at in-laws.
Weekends--Jo's in the evenings/Mom @ night.
That sounds great right? Of course it's not everyday, and not every week. And at the beginning, we gotta get Kate used to a few things; being alone with Rick & Jo / sleeping with my parents. After that, it should be fine, I hope!
**This may sound a little selfish. But I have decided not to have a second child. First, I can't stand the thought of going through all of it again now that it's better. Esp. not the whole marriage near breakdown part. (Read: I'm not blaming kids. I'm saying apparently hubs and I was not as ready as we thought we were) Secondly, since it seems that we can't handle one kid, how to handle two?? I know there are parents out there who has done so. But my concern is that, even now, we are impatient with Kate at times, when she can get really trying. And we don't spend enough time doing kiddish things with her like go out and have fun/ teach her stuff. (At least I find its not enough) So if I were to have another kid, that's half the time gone again. I already feel like I am short-changing my daughter sometimes, I don't want to short-change another kid/ have less time with both/ be less patient. In any case, I just feel that we won't be able to cope, not financially, but mentally and physically. So I won't have another kid. I don't want to be breaking down, because an unhappy parent is a lousy parent. When you are unhappy, you won't be able to be the best parent that you can be. So, no, no, no and no. Judge away, I don't care. And I do know the so called pros of having a second one, blah blah blah. After all, I am a thinking adult. So I know. But in my opinion, I want to do what is best for the interests of my child & marriage. You may not get it, but please, keep it to yourself k? Too many people has been asking me. And I get mad whenever I see people having children but not doing anything for the child and still trying for a second/third one when they already don't give their first/second-born any attention. We are supposed to be parents, not production factories. (This only refers to some people, not all ok. And I'm not referring to all who have more than one child. I know some great parents and more lousy ones) I'm sorry I'm judging. Sigh. I really shouldn't. It's just kids need love and attention and a happy home. So I just wanna try my best for my child.
So anyway, I am starting to understand why hubs sometimes wanna just go out after work and chill or whatever. And I'm beginning to realise that he would love it if I was around too, just that I have to stay home with Kate. So as I was saying, I guess its the whole "I have to work and follow my company's routine so sometimes I just wanna chill and relax." Because though I am only a part-timer, I am also feeling the whole "I wanna break out of this boring routine thing!" I mean, it applies also to full time mothers ok?? But I am realising that other people also goes through it, kid or no kid. (Mainly because now I am both a part-time employee and a 3/4 time mother) Haha.
Sooo.... just nice Michael asked hubs to go out on saturday, and to bring me along. So I was thinking about how I was to go, since weekends I know I won't be able to put her with my in-laws and didn't want to make mom have to look after her at night now too. So well, I tried my luck with my sister-in-law but she had plans and out of desperation (to finally just go out!) hubs tried his mom too. But my mil didn't dare, though she was willing to try... So in the end we didn't, for both Kate's and his mom's sake. Lol. So I was downcast the whole evening, Jo offered to help but I knew it would be risky since Kate has never had to be alone with her and Kate was afraid of Rick. So I told hubs to just go ahead because Michael and his wife Candy will be going to Vietnam soon, for two years. So that's an awfully long time. But hubs, I think, he felt really sorry for me---I really looked a sorry sight, shuffling my feet along as we made our way for dinner. I was just really so upset with our situation. I can count on just one hand how many times I have been out late without Kate, and that's for the past 2 years. And I can clock that five times easily in two weeks in the past. I even joked to hubs that nobody could rein me in when I was younger, not my parents, not anyone. But Kate? She did a smashing job at that. Hee.
So, resigned to another night of being grounded at home, I suddenly just felt like "Aiya, just ask mom. No harm done." So I asked mom and her reply? "It's not me, it depends on your daughter." Which is true. Mom, since Kate's birth, have offered before to sleep with Kate. But I refused, thinking that I should be the one doing the baby duties at night since mom was old already. So it got to the point where Kate refuses to stop crying if she wakes up and I'm not there. Now it's better, because she's beginning to sleep with Ken, and will be comforted by his presence. When I started work, because of Kate waking up early, I did mention to mom bout letting Kate sleep with her; maybe that way Kate will sleep in a bit more and not get interrupted sleep because of her parents leaving for work. Mom's reply was "Told you before to let her sleep with me right! So now then you allow." -_- Haha. So anyway I digress again. Mom agreed, and after telling her to call me if anything really happens, I got Kate ready to sleep and brought her and her stuff to the room. Initially when we were in my room and we told her we had to work, (can't tell her we going out la!) she was reluctant and said she didn't want mommy to work. When I brought her over, I told her since she is going to church the next day, ah ma and ah gong will sleep with her and wake her up. When she saw my mom reading her bible, she got all excited and with a "Ok, ah ma will read the bible to ya, pray for you & make you sleep k? Good night!", I left to change. We waited for awhile, to see if she would cry, but she didn't. And throughout the whole night, I was checking my hp, just in case, but thank goodness no call came. =)
So! We had fun chilling at this place, Cosy bar and also went to Lunar. All in all, I drank quite a bit, had fun out, and it was great being relieved of motherly duties. While there, I actually felt abit like the whole night was planned for us or something... And I was proven right when at the end of the whole night, with everyone high, Michael actually pulled us aside and hugged us both to his chest. (Yes, he did!) And he told us that this is for us, and he just wants us to be ( both hubs and I kept saying "Happy!") communicating. And Candy, she kept telling me at different points of the night to just let my hair down and not think of things at home. Hubs also told me that Michael told him to pay more attention to me... So honestly, I was seriously touched. Because it was really unexpected and to have people care about your marriage, it's just awfully sweet. So thank you guys!
And so like I said, I drank quite a bit, but! I think I have developed an inability to get drunk! I mean, I am a very lousy drinker, so it doesn't take much to get me high. But the past few times I drank quite a bit, I only got a bit high, not very, which was strange. And yesterday? With the amount I drank, I would have been seriously high but I wasn't... Hubs also noticed. =( How? Drinking is no fun if you don't get high right?? But ok la, anyway shouldn't be drinking so much. (Not that I'll have that many chances to anyway)
Mom told me Kate fell off the bed this morning, and with such a loud thud that dad jumped up in shock. Mom tried to grab Kate when she was shifting on the bed , searching for something (maybe me? or hubs?) but Kate was out of her reach. They were so worried but in the end Kate was fine. I can imagine the shock they got. And the shock poor Kate got. Sigh... So next time she sleeps with them, she's sleeping on the mattress, haha.
So! I guess though times really can be trying at times, and its really hard trying to get couple time together, it should work out soon. Jo offered to let us go for "Date nights" every 2 weeks or so. She told us to discuss and arrange for a fixed day, and just leave Kate to her. I love her for that suggestion! And am also touched by her/Rick's gesture. So now;
Weekdays--can put Kate at in-laws.
Weekends--Jo's in the evenings/Mom @ night.
That sounds great right? Of course it's not everyday, and not every week. And at the beginning, we gotta get Kate used to a few things; being alone with Rick & Jo / sleeping with my parents. After that, it should be fine, I hope!
**This may sound a little selfish. But I have decided not to have a second child. First, I can't stand the thought of going through all of it again now that it's better. Esp. not the whole marriage near breakdown part. (Read: I'm not blaming kids. I'm saying apparently hubs and I was not as ready as we thought we were) Secondly, since it seems that we can't handle one kid, how to handle two?? I know there are parents out there who has done so. But my concern is that, even now, we are impatient with Kate at times, when she can get really trying. And we don't spend enough time doing kiddish things with her like go out and have fun/ teach her stuff. (At least I find its not enough) So if I were to have another kid, that's half the time gone again. I already feel like I am short-changing my daughter sometimes, I don't want to short-change another kid/ have less time with both/ be less patient. In any case, I just feel that we won't be able to cope, not financially, but mentally and physically. So I won't have another kid. I don't want to be breaking down, because an unhappy parent is a lousy parent. When you are unhappy, you won't be able to be the best parent that you can be. So, no, no, no and no. Judge away, I don't care. And I do know the so called pros of having a second one, blah blah blah. After all, I am a thinking adult. So I know. But in my opinion, I want to do what is best for the interests of my child & marriage. You may not get it, but please, keep it to yourself k? Too many people has been asking me. And I get mad whenever I see people having children but not doing anything for the child and still trying for a second/third one when they already don't give their first/second-born any attention. We are supposed to be parents, not production factories. (This only refers to some people, not all ok. And I'm not referring to all who have more than one child. I know some great parents and more lousy ones) I'm sorry I'm judging. Sigh. I really shouldn't. It's just kids need love and attention and a happy home. So I just wanna try my best for my child.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Started work!
It's been nearly a month since I blogged! So much to say, so much has happened. So where should I start?
Work has been such a joy, I'm attached to a very lovely, cute indonesian. Kinda thought she was a filipino at first because of her unusual surname. Hee. My table is huge & the office's rather comfortable and nice. The pantry has a cool coffee/hot drinks dispenser and I love drinking my morning coffee at work. I start at 0830 and end work at 1230, and everyone usually comes in at 9 to 9 plus so I get a little time to myself which is cool because I'm not a morning person. Haha. And everyone leaves for lunch at about 11plus to 12 so actually I'm left alone alot, so there's the flexibility. Of course, I try not to abuse it, because I want to keep this job...=) I'm kept quite busy so I don't go checking the time which is good because I hate being idle at work. It's so hard to pass time if so! My colleagues are all females and my department seems to be the only department who chats and jokes. I really like my colleagues and my direct superior who's also very nice and accommodating to the fact that I have a gal to rush home to. I was supposed to work full days during the last week but so far I have not, as I managed to finish what I needed to do, and I guess I'm still too new to be of further help. Heh heh. But I'm glad because I was really quite stressed thinking about how stressed mom would be, at home with Kate. Haha. I really love feeling productive and of help!
And working has also helped me to be more productive at home too. Since I feel guilty bout leaving Kate to mom in the mornings, I am trying to help out more at home. I gotta come up with a schedule so as to manage my time better.
Sigh...I took a nap with Kate earlier, and woke up feeling so nice. Went downstairs and just felt like everything was nice, with the setting sun casting beautiful shadows everywhere. Was also reminded of Bunbury and Perth and my in-laws. I really miss chilling with them in their backyard, (or is it considered the front??) and I miss Australia.
And one last thing before I go do some housework! I found the ideal pre-school for Kate! Its really near, the place's lovely, they provide home-made snacks and it's inexpensive! The curriculum seems great, alot of hands on stuff for them to do and there's outdoor playtime too! Kate's godma approved of it which meant a lot to me since she works in this line and she has kindly explained to me what was important to look out for in a pre-school. In fact, she came along with me last friday to visit a few pre-schools on her leave. The best part of the pre-school is I don't have to worry about kindergardens and all too, since they have pre-nursery to K2. The only drawback is that Kate can only start pre-nursery at 30 months, which is July(June holidays) so mom has to endure til then. That gave me a lot of stress initially (long story) but it has all worked out since and I am so glad. And hopefully I don't have to stay the entire closing week, maybe just a day or two. =)
Work has been such a joy, I'm attached to a very lovely, cute indonesian. Kinda thought she was a filipino at first because of her unusual surname. Hee. My table is huge & the office's rather comfortable and nice. The pantry has a cool coffee/hot drinks dispenser and I love drinking my morning coffee at work. I start at 0830 and end work at 1230, and everyone usually comes in at 9 to 9 plus so I get a little time to myself which is cool because I'm not a morning person. Haha. And everyone leaves for lunch at about 11plus to 12 so actually I'm left alone alot, so there's the flexibility. Of course, I try not to abuse it, because I want to keep this job...=) I'm kept quite busy so I don't go checking the time which is good because I hate being idle at work. It's so hard to pass time if so! My colleagues are all females and my department seems to be the only department who chats and jokes. I really like my colleagues and my direct superior who's also very nice and accommodating to the fact that I have a gal to rush home to. I was supposed to work full days during the last week but so far I have not, as I managed to finish what I needed to do, and I guess I'm still too new to be of further help. Heh heh. But I'm glad because I was really quite stressed thinking about how stressed mom would be, at home with Kate. Haha. I really love feeling productive and of help!
And working has also helped me to be more productive at home too. Since I feel guilty bout leaving Kate to mom in the mornings, I am trying to help out more at home. I gotta come up with a schedule so as to manage my time better.
Sigh...I took a nap with Kate earlier, and woke up feeling so nice. Went downstairs and just felt like everything was nice, with the setting sun casting beautiful shadows everywhere. Was also reminded of Bunbury and Perth and my in-laws. I really miss chilling with them in their backyard, (or is it considered the front??) and I miss Australia.
And one last thing before I go do some housework! I found the ideal pre-school for Kate! Its really near, the place's lovely, they provide home-made snacks and it's inexpensive! The curriculum seems great, alot of hands on stuff for them to do and there's outdoor playtime too! Kate's godma approved of it which meant a lot to me since she works in this line and she has kindly explained to me what was important to look out for in a pre-school. In fact, she came along with me last friday to visit a few pre-schools on her leave. The best part of the pre-school is I don't have to worry about kindergardens and all too, since they have pre-nursery to K2. The only drawback is that Kate can only start pre-nursery at 30 months, which is July(June holidays) so mom has to endure til then. That gave me a lot of stress initially (long story) but it has all worked out since and I am so glad. And hopefully I don't have to stay the entire closing week, maybe just a day or two. =)
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Worried.
Today, Kate starts her first day at her playgroup. It's two hours every weekday. I was really excited for her and nervous too. But right now, I'm just worried. Worried that I may have hastily chosen, that I may be sending her to a centre where she will not be properly taken care of. Sigh.
So this is how it feels like. To entrust your child with a stranger. Though two hours only, I suddenly just feel so worried. =(
So this is how it feels like. To entrust your child with a stranger. Though two hours only, I suddenly just feel so worried. =(
Monday, January 31, 2011
It's five in the morning. Can't or rather don't feel like sleeping yet. I have been up since 9am yesterday and I need to be up at the same time later to go check out a playgroup for Kate. Rainy weather's great for sleeping and the rain hasn't relent since the skies opened up the day before. Sigh.
I have been in a foul mood since yesterday and recently it feels that every little thing drives me nuts. Ok, correction then. More like recently than just yesterday. Please just let me get better already before I do worse.
I don't have problems or needs. Not now, and not really anyway. But suddenly engulfed by intense emotions lately. And I feel like my life thus far is a freaking waste of my time. Emo eh.
I have been in a foul mood since yesterday and recently it feels that every little thing drives me nuts. Ok, correction then. More like recently than just yesterday. Please just let me get better already before I do worse.
I don't have problems or needs. Not now, and not really anyway. But suddenly engulfed by intense emotions lately. And I feel like my life thus far is a freaking waste of my time. Emo eh.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Nostalgic
Feeling bit nostalgic tonight. Should go to sleep...but just don't want to.
Desmond is coming home on thursday, after spending a good five months in Ireland. Gosh! Europe is soooo beautiful! Exactly how I pictured it to be in my mind. (As though I was there like that. Haha) I was looking through his pictures. It's really beautiful... And I am so glad that he loved it there and enjoyed himself tremendously. Instead of just being an inquisitive tourist there for a few days, he got to slowly explore the place. My biggest dream ever. To live life elsewhere for at least a year or more. Which I believe, will come true some day. =)
I was thinking...he must be having such mixed feelings about coming home. Sure, he must miss us and his friends and the familiarity of home and the food here. But the incredible friendships that were forged overseas, the beauty of NOT living in a bustling city, the well-behaved dogs being walked by their well-behaved owners (quoting Des), the little intimate village and its people, the beautiful weather, the leisure pace of life and the picturesque beauty of the place must be sooo hard to leave. I know I would find it hard. So really, if God-willing, I hope he gets to go back some day.
Is Singapore so bad? Actually not. I love that it's safe here. But it's just too densely populated and I hate the humidity here. I guess it's the typical "Grass greener..." thing. Des says europeans love the weather in asia, thinks its exotic here and the city life. *Groan* I hate city life. Everyone's rushing here and there, and we are all brusque. Blah. But...that's the price we pay for modernisation and globalisation. But I digress, my point is; I would love to visit Europe. One fine day.
Kate's been stringing sentences, and it's really amazing to hear her talk. The only thing is she has a really stubborn spirit. Sigh. These few days, she's been really driving me up the wall. But, within a split second, she will do something that will either; 1- Make me laugh. 2- Warm my heart. Children. They've got all of us wrapped round their little finger.
Desmond is coming home on thursday, after spending a good five months in Ireland. Gosh! Europe is soooo beautiful! Exactly how I pictured it to be in my mind. (As though I was there like that. Haha) I was looking through his pictures. It's really beautiful... And I am so glad that he loved it there and enjoyed himself tremendously. Instead of just being an inquisitive tourist there for a few days, he got to slowly explore the place. My biggest dream ever. To live life elsewhere for at least a year or more. Which I believe, will come true some day. =)
I was thinking...he must be having such mixed feelings about coming home. Sure, he must miss us and his friends and the familiarity of home and the food here. But the incredible friendships that were forged overseas, the beauty of NOT living in a bustling city, the well-behaved dogs being walked by their well-behaved owners (quoting Des), the little intimate village and its people, the beautiful weather, the leisure pace of life and the picturesque beauty of the place must be sooo hard to leave. I know I would find it hard. So really, if God-willing, I hope he gets to go back some day.
Is Singapore so bad? Actually not. I love that it's safe here. But it's just too densely populated and I hate the humidity here. I guess it's the typical "Grass greener..." thing. Des says europeans love the weather in asia, thinks its exotic here and the city life. *Groan* I hate city life. Everyone's rushing here and there, and we are all brusque. Blah. But...that's the price we pay for modernisation and globalisation. But I digress, my point is; I would love to visit Europe. One fine day.
Kate's been stringing sentences, and it's really amazing to hear her talk. The only thing is she has a really stubborn spirit. Sigh. These few days, she's been really driving me up the wall. But, within a split second, she will do something that will either; 1- Make me laugh. 2- Warm my heart. Children. They've got all of us wrapped round their little finger.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
January baby!
Bit late...since it's mid-month or-lay-dee. But nevertheless...
http://www.theshabbyshoppe.com/blog/
I know it seems I stopped scrapping. No! I didn't. But seriously lack of inspiration and new photos to work with. *Sulk* I did a layout earlier but kinda ruin it while playing with my distress inks. So not gonna post it til I get it fixed. *SIGH*
http://www.theshabbyshoppe.com/blog/
I know it seems I stopped scrapping. No! I didn't. But seriously lack of inspiration and new photos to work with. *Sulk* I did a layout earlier but kinda ruin it while playing with my distress inks. So not gonna post it til I get it fixed. *SIGH*
Monday, January 17, 2011
Christmas last year...
Um...Yea. I know. I really need to stop sitting on things! Lol. So this post is like 2 weeks late. Blah.
Last year was a real busy Christmas. I thought I had time to personalized gifts and cards and in the end I didn't. I didn't even really had time to get presents too, and all of them were gotten last minute. Sigh. I need to manage my time better. We spent Christmas eve at my parents' place, with my friends, and my mom's church friends too. Hubs was working though. I um...forgot to take pictures. Haha! Daddy and mommy worked from morning til evening for the party and dad even went to work after the party. We were all sooo busy preparing and I didn't have time to wrap the few gifts that I had bought for family. Haha. Terrible right?? For my friends, I gave them cookies! Home baked cookies and home made tags. Rather broke last month; bad time AND money management. =)
Silly me never took much pics at the party but here are some of the children.
Funnily, this year, I hardly have photos with my family! I have some from the visit to the botanical gardens early december but I'll post them in the next post or the one after. K, I'll try. Haha! Many photos with my in-laws though, which really, pictures with them is a rarity so this is good. =)
We celebrated my mom-in-law's birthday slightly earlier and here are pics! Went to "Bosses" at Vivo. Nice ambiance, lots of black (I likey) and not very expensive though it looks like an expensive place! And the food is nice too.
Ok. We couldn't get a bigger cake, thus the little one. And what annoyed me was that hubs brought the box to the table. Sighhh. Wanted to surprise my mil, so I thought he would bring it to the counter at the front when he came in. But he didn't. So I took it to a waiter. Then when we signalled for the cake to be served, the waitress came over two or three times to ask me different questions about it; So serve the cake now? Light the candle? Need plate? Or something like that. Sigh. So the surprise wasn't such a surprise in the end. -_-
And for Christmas day, we met my in-laws to go for a nice dinner at the Esplanade. Just thought of spending it with them as it's my mother-in-law's birthday, and we seldom celebrate or go out on her birthday itself! This year since hubs could make it in time for dinner, we met them and went out. I was so relieved when the train down to town was not very packed, contrary to what I thought. Kate loves buses and trains! She's always bugging me to take bus when I wait for a cab. Haha. I used to be paranoid about taking public transport with her (other than cabs) but I've gotten over it. Kate's really well-behaved on them so I'm blessed that way. She only kicks up a fuss when maybe hubs is with me and we don't get a seat together. If so, she will bug me saying that she wants her daddy and vice versa when daddy carries her. Oh! There was once when we took the bus down to Jurong point and she suddenly wanted milk but I didn't pack any for her since she just ate her lunch. Boy! She screamed and cried so hard everybody stared. I was really embarrassed but coolly tried to comfort her. All the while trying to convince myself; "They will get over it, they will get over it!" "They" referring to the people who were staring of course. I didn't get off the bus since it was only four stops. But it felt sooo long. Haha!
So we went to the Esplanade to eat and then to TCC at City link for coffee. I'll let the pics speak for themselves.
So anyway boxing day was spent at east coast park! Which delighted Kate to no end! She has been talking about playing sand and beaches for awhile now, so we decided to bring her. Thank God it didn't rain and the weather was perfect for the beach that day! The first picture shows how delighted she was! We took a bus there and while walking over, we told her we were reaching the beach. And she started running and hopping and dancing. Haha!
I told her to jump higher and try to get the kite. And here she is trying to get it.
So anyway, that was my Christmas last year. It was busy and crazy and fun. With kids around, never a dull moment!!
2010 was mostly stressful for us. Many reasons. But I'm very glad to say that since November or so, things have been looking up. And here are ten things that I'm grateful for!
I know I always complain. But deep down, I do know too, that I am blessed and all I have to do is stop and count my blessings. Even though I still have not gone back to church, I know that the Lord is looking out for me and my family and in that knowledge, I feel safe. I really ought to quit complaining and be grateful for what I have. =)
Last year was a real busy Christmas. I thought I had time to personalized gifts and cards and in the end I didn't. I didn't even really had time to get presents too, and all of them were gotten last minute. Sigh. I need to manage my time better. We spent Christmas eve at my parents' place, with my friends, and my mom's church friends too. Hubs was working though. I um...forgot to take pictures. Haha! Daddy and mommy worked from morning til evening for the party and dad even went to work after the party. We were all sooo busy preparing and I didn't have time to wrap the few gifts that I had bought for family. Haha. Terrible right?? For my friends, I gave them cookies! Home baked cookies and home made tags. Rather broke last month; bad time AND money management. =)
Silly me never took much pics at the party but here are some of the children.
Funnily, this year, I hardly have photos with my family! I have some from the visit to the botanical gardens early december but I'll post them in the next post or the one after. K, I'll try. Haha! Many photos with my in-laws though, which really, pictures with them is a rarity so this is good. =)
We celebrated my mom-in-law's birthday slightly earlier and here are pics! Went to "Bosses" at Vivo. Nice ambiance, lots of black (I likey) and not very expensive though it looks like an expensive place! And the food is nice too.
Ok. We couldn't get a bigger cake, thus the little one. And what annoyed me was that hubs brought the box to the table. Sighhh. Wanted to surprise my mil, so I thought he would bring it to the counter at the front when he came in. But he didn't. So I took it to a waiter. Then when we signalled for the cake to be served, the waitress came over two or three times to ask me different questions about it; So serve the cake now? Light the candle? Need plate? Or something like that. Sigh. So the surprise wasn't such a surprise in the end. -_-
And for Christmas day, we met my in-laws to go for a nice dinner at the Esplanade. Just thought of spending it with them as it's my mother-in-law's birthday, and we seldom celebrate or go out on her birthday itself! This year since hubs could make it in time for dinner, we met them and went out. I was so relieved when the train down to town was not very packed, contrary to what I thought. Kate loves buses and trains! She's always bugging me to take bus when I wait for a cab. Haha. I used to be paranoid about taking public transport with her (other than cabs) but I've gotten over it. Kate's really well-behaved on them so I'm blessed that way. She only kicks up a fuss when maybe hubs is with me and we don't get a seat together. If so, she will bug me saying that she wants her daddy and vice versa when daddy carries her. Oh! There was once when we took the bus down to Jurong point and she suddenly wanted milk but I didn't pack any for her since she just ate her lunch. Boy! She screamed and cried so hard everybody stared. I was really embarrassed but coolly tried to comfort her. All the while trying to convince myself; "They will get over it, they will get over it!" "They" referring to the people who were staring of course. I didn't get off the bus since it was only four stops. But it felt sooo long. Haha!
So we went to the Esplanade to eat and then to TCC at City link for coffee. I'll let the pics speak for themselves.
So anyway boxing day was spent at east coast park! Which delighted Kate to no end! She has been talking about playing sand and beaches for awhile now, so we decided to bring her. Thank God it didn't rain and the weather was perfect for the beach that day! The first picture shows how delighted she was! We took a bus there and while walking over, we told her we were reaching the beach. And she started running and hopping and dancing. Haha!
I told her to jump higher and try to get the kite. And here she is trying to get it.
So anyway, that was my Christmas last year. It was busy and crazy and fun. With kids around, never a dull moment!!
2010 was mostly stressful for us. Many reasons. But I'm very glad to say that since November or so, things have been looking up. And here are ten things that I'm grateful for!
- That I have a beautiful family.
- That everyone in my life is safe.
- That no matter what, we always seem to have enough.
- That I have people around who are supportive even though I always complain.
- That there are true friends in my life who sticks around.
- That I am given the privilege to be a stay-home mom.
- That our families are well.
- That I now have a hobby which relieves stress!
- That I am able to do what I love.
- And finally, to be alive and well, and to be blessed with so much.
I know I always complain. But deep down, I do know too, that I am blessed and all I have to do is stop and count my blessings. Even though I still have not gone back to church, I know that the Lord is looking out for me and my family and in that knowledge, I feel safe. I really ought to quit complaining and be grateful for what I have. =)
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Playgroup search
I want to post my christmas pictures... But I wanna rant too. I'm searching for a playgroup for Kate. Many reasons. Number one; I may be getting a part time job. Number two; Someone said some things to me, which I agree partially on. Number three; I want Kate to be able to mix with other kids her age.
And during this search....I saw a lot of info but seriously can't digest much of it. Too many centres to choose from. And for some reason when looking at primary school registration (I know its still long), I suddenly am worried what if I can't get her into any primary school because all the places are taken!! I don't know why I will think that way but its just quite freaky. I saw this on MOE website for the primary one registration for year 2011. Its a lot to read (& rather boring) so feel free to skip the rest of the post if you want.
Phases of Primary One Registration Exercise
Category 11: Children who are Singapore Citizens or Singapore Permanent Residents
Phase 1
For a child who has a sibling studying in a school of choice.
Registration: Tuesday 6th July 2010 and Wednesday 7th July 2010
All children registered under this phase will be given places in schools.
Phase 2A1
For a child whose parent is a former student of the school and who has joined the alumni association as a member not later than 30 Jun 2009; or whose parent is a member of the School Advisory/Management Committee.
Registration: Friday 9th July 2010
Announcement of Result: By Tuesday 13th July 2010
Phase 2A2
For a child whose parent or sibling has studied in the school of choice; or whose parent is a staff member of the school of choice.
Registration: Thursday 15th July 2010 and Friday 16th July 2010
Announcement of Result: By Tuesday 20th July 2010
Phase 2B2
For a child whose parent has joined the school as a parent volunteer not later than 1 July 2009 and has given at least 40 hours of voluntary service to the school by 30 June 2010; or whose parent is a member endorsed by the church/clan directly connected with the school; or whose parent is endorsed as an active community leader.
Registration: Thursday 22nd July 2010 and Friday 23rd July 2010
Announcement of Result: By Wednesday 28th July 2010
Phase 2C
For a child who is ineligible for or unsuccessful in earlier phases.
Registration: : Monday 2nd August 2010, Tuesday 3rd August 2010 and Wednesday 4th August 2010
Announcement of Result: By Friday 13th August 2010
Phase 2C Supplementary
For a child who is unsuccessful in gaining a place in a school of choice at Phase 2C.
Registration: Wednesday 18th August 2010
Announcement of Result: By Monday 23rd August 2010
Category 23: Children who are neither Singapore Citizens nor Singapore Permanent Residents
Phase 3
For a child who is neither a Singapore Citizen nor a Singapore Permanent Resident.
Registration and Announcement of Result: Monday 30th August 2010
Footnotes:
1.Should the number of applications exceed the number of vacancies in any phase, places will be balloted according to the following order of priority. From 2010, Singapore Citizens will be given two ballot slips for each child, while Singapore Permanent Residents will continue to get one ballot slip per child.
a.Children living within 1 km of the school of choice.
b.Children living between 1 km and 2 km of the school of choice.
c.Children living outside 2 km of the school of choice.
2.At the end of Phase 2A(2), 50% of the remaining places will be allocated for Phase 2B and the other 50% for Phase 2C registrants in a school. In the event that less than 50% of the allocated vacancies are taken up at Phase 2B, the remaining vacancies will be carried forward to Phase 2C. ↩
3.Children who are Singapore Citizens or Singapore Permanent Residents and who have not registered at any of the earlier phases are also eligible to register at this phase. Registration in this phase will be done on a first-come-first-served basis.
See? Oh goodness! The woes of being a parent. Childcare also so many to choose from. Sigh. And so many things to consider; convenience, cost, teaching methods, nice and responsible teachers. Oh bother.
And during this search....I saw a lot of info but seriously can't digest much of it. Too many centres to choose from. And for some reason when looking at primary school registration (I know its still long), I suddenly am worried what if I can't get her into any primary school because all the places are taken!! I don't know why I will think that way but its just quite freaky. I saw this on MOE website for the primary one registration for year 2011. Its a lot to read (& rather boring) so feel free to skip the rest of the post if you want.
Phases of Primary One Registration Exercise
Category 11: Children who are Singapore Citizens or Singapore Permanent Residents
Phase 1
For a child who has a sibling studying in a school of choice.
Registration: Tuesday 6th July 2010 and Wednesday 7th July 2010
All children registered under this phase will be given places in schools.
Phase 2A1
For a child whose parent is a former student of the school and who has joined the alumni association as a member not later than 30 Jun 2009; or whose parent is a member of the School Advisory/Management Committee.
Registration: Friday 9th July 2010
Announcement of Result: By Tuesday 13th July 2010
Phase 2A2
For a child whose parent or sibling has studied in the school of choice; or whose parent is a staff member of the school of choice.
Registration: Thursday 15th July 2010 and Friday 16th July 2010
Announcement of Result: By Tuesday 20th July 2010
Phase 2B2
For a child whose parent has joined the school as a parent volunteer not later than 1 July 2009 and has given at least 40 hours of voluntary service to the school by 30 June 2010; or whose parent is a member endorsed by the church/clan directly connected with the school; or whose parent is endorsed as an active community leader.
Registration: Thursday 22nd July 2010 and Friday 23rd July 2010
Announcement of Result: By Wednesday 28th July 2010
Phase 2C
For a child who is ineligible for or unsuccessful in earlier phases.
Registration: : Monday 2nd August 2010, Tuesday 3rd August 2010 and Wednesday 4th August 2010
Announcement of Result: By Friday 13th August 2010
Phase 2C Supplementary
For a child who is unsuccessful in gaining a place in a school of choice at Phase 2C.
Registration: Wednesday 18th August 2010
Announcement of Result: By Monday 23rd August 2010
Category 23: Children who are neither Singapore Citizens nor Singapore Permanent Residents
Phase 3
For a child who is neither a Singapore Citizen nor a Singapore Permanent Resident.
Registration and Announcement of Result: Monday 30th August 2010
Footnotes:
1.Should the number of applications exceed the number of vacancies in any phase, places will be balloted according to the following order of priority. From 2010, Singapore Citizens will be given two ballot slips for each child, while Singapore Permanent Residents will continue to get one ballot slip per child.
a.Children living within 1 km of the school of choice.
b.Children living between 1 km and 2 km of the school of choice.
c.Children living outside 2 km of the school of choice.
2.At the end of Phase 2A(2), 50% of the remaining places will be allocated for Phase 2B and the other 50% for Phase 2C registrants in a school. In the event that less than 50% of the allocated vacancies are taken up at Phase 2B, the remaining vacancies will be carried forward to Phase 2C. ↩
3.Children who are Singapore Citizens or Singapore Permanent Residents and who have not registered at any of the earlier phases are also eligible to register at this phase. Registration in this phase will be done on a first-come-first-served basis.
See? Oh goodness! The woes of being a parent. Childcare also so many to choose from. Sigh. And so many things to consider; convenience, cost, teaching methods, nice and responsible teachers. Oh bother.
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