Today I woke up and found baby Kate with wet tissues all around her; she had gotten her hands on the packet of wet wipes and had taken all of it out and was busy cleaning herself with one. *Grins*


It's our second wedding anniversary & hubs got me a beautiful charm & flowers. But I don't know. I think what I really want is a little "me" time. I feel like I'm going half mad with all the craziness of looking after my little one. But...I don't know. No one's gonna be able to take her off my hands.

Change

You know, I thought of this just now. Change. It must happen within oneself.

Today, James & Stella came over & we went to JP to walk & wait for hubs to go for dinner. When he arrived, I passed baby to him & Stella & I went to look at lingerie. When we finished, I found hubs outside the store, with an irritated look. That started my tantrum. I got upset & went on & on about how men can't look after the child for awhile etc... Then when James suggested at dinner that I needed a holiday, I suddenly felt overwhelmed with everything & I ended up tearing. Hubs handed me a serviette which made it worse.

Which brings me to this post. I feel so tired of my life & I keep complaining about how being a mother is robbing me of myself. How I hate all those stupid comments that I have to put up with about how to raise a kid blah blah blah. How I hate that my friends hardly call me out anymore. How I hate that I must sacrifice so much to be a mother. How I hate everyone with their insensitive words. How I hate every single thing and every single person around in this world.

I have become so bitter that every word that comes out of my mouth is just negative. Everything is bad. Everyone is idiotic.

Sometimes I wish people would understand me more. That friends can really be a friend and not just call me when they need me because I need people too. That people will stop hurting me with their silly mean comments.

And as I was thinking over all that has happened, it suddenly dawned upon me that it's true that you cannot change the world. You cannot change anything nor anyone but yourself.

If I were to continue to be this negative, I am just gonna tire myself out even more. I am so tired of life because of myself. Do you know how it feels when you finally realised you can no longer blame anyone or anything for your life? That your worst enemy really is yourself?

The most important thing that I have realised today is the fact that I, I need to take everything in my stride. People & their comments, the maddening everyday mundaneness, everything. And by and by I will learn to cope.

have you ever listened to a song & just felt like crying & crying?
even if there is really no reason why you should be doing so?
have you ever wondered why you are here, why things are the way they are?
why life is the way it is?
why life is sometimes so hard?
why being you is just so tiring?
why you feel like you are losing yourself?
that you may never feel complete ever again?
that you will never really be happy again?
why people just cant accept you or like you without you having to try so hard?

Baby news!

Been so long since I blogged. Better do so before I forget whatever that has happened!


I brought Kate to Jo's house that day; she has this lovely dog at home. Thought my timid gal would be scared. Turns out she wasn't that scared. Scrunchie was excited at seeing us, & kept trying to playfully bite us and I was panicky but Kate just kicked him & tried to reach out to him, even though she got scratched by his nails. Very funny to see her playing with him & how they both gave each other scares. Kate tried to pass him her ball & he ran off, thinking she wants to hit him. Then Kate attempted to crawl towards him, but the moment he came towards her, she crawled back to me, haha.

Brought Kate out with my parents that day, when mom had to go for her appointment & I had to sneak to Golden Mile food centre to get knives as a gift for my dad. (Yea, he likes to collect knives) I forgot to see the address of the shop, Sng Arms, & ended up at Golden Mile Complex. So I walked all over the place, looking for the shop & ended up climbing the overhead bridge with baby, stroller & all. Sigh. Anyway, here's the little terror with us & Stella at Raffles City Canele. Hey, they got nice crepes there!

Baby Kate loves to play with my makeup; she thinks my mascara is a handphone!

Kate loves to watch Barney & all the cartoon stuff. Put her in the highchair in front of the computer & give her some snacks; she's one happy camper!

She's really a big gal now! She's really got a fiery temper; if you scold or beat her, she will scold or beat you back. Terrible, but so awfully cute, I've got to bite my lip to prevent myself from laughing.

The day before, when we told her to shake, she will deliberately move from side to side, so cute! She's rather intelligent & picks up things quick, which I suppose all babies her age do. How time flies, she's coming ten months! She's now attempting to say daddy, but she can't yet, so it's "da da" for now. The other night I told her daddy is coming home soon, after which she turned to the main door & started crying...Haha.

Did I mention she can now wave goodbye, hello & give a flying kiss? She can also clap & raise her hands in the air when we sing praises or say "Hallelujah!" Very adorable...brought her to church that day & while the adults were singing, she was raising her hands & Immanuel was dancing & clapping. =)

Immanuel's adjusting to school now, but he's been quite mischevious since attending playgroup. Which I guess is normal since he is in the "terrible twos" stage & mixing around with other kids. It's hard though, to see him throw tantrums when he comes, but it usually lasts only bout an hour. After a little coaxing & stern warnings, he's back to that loving kid we know. He doesn't seem to mix very well with other kids though from what I observe at church, & I think it's because he is so smart. Honestly! He speaks very well for his age, & he just turned two! He can string a whole sentance & he makes himself understood. His teachers love him to bits, as do we...=)

Oh! The other day, we went to the airport...& spent the whole day there. Kate was busy trying to get into water fountains, hanging out at the playground watching other kids & hugging little gals...She tried to hug this little gal who was so afraid of Kate because she didn't know what to expect, so funny! Here's pics from our day out at the airport.

Anyway, I had a great time today spending dad's vouchers, heh. I think I am a super shopaholic, and I think it's not very good le. I bought my makeup & some baby stuff & food stuff & I was on a high the whole time. Sigh. But my only pleasures now, other than being a mother; is to shop & smoke. So... well. Gotta try to cut down though. I love buying stuff, anything! Even buying stationary or groceries makes me happy. And I think only hubs understand & doesn't say a thing or complain or think I'm horrible. I'm so glad he does. Because I hate justifying myself to people around me. Blah. I'm so happy with my buys!