The one with pictures of little Kate!

I know I promised to upload the pictures from the indoor playground trip. So here they are!
On a friend's recommendation, we brought the kids to Fidgets at Turf City. No regrets, they had such a blast! It was little Kate's first time to such a huge playground & we spent 3 hours there. Poor me had quite a number of bruises from running with them and getting knocks all over! Still, no regrets to see them having such fun! Can't wait to go there with my friend and her kid the next time!





















We will surely return to Fidgets. Heh heh! I promised Immanuel a trip there for his birthday.


And here are some really cute pictures of Kate I took yesterday.
She was hugging her father so tightly and laughing away I had to get a shot of them!








And here is one of her in total uber-cuteness!

Nuah-ing for now

I am sitting down in front of the com, nuah-ing. Hubs went to try to sleep since he gotta work early later. I messaged him yesterday morning to complain about his "abandonment" last night. We were watching a movie and he fell asleep. Kate woke up and I had to carry her up and down so I was really breathless... So I messaged him bout it, and ten minutes later I received a call from him asking me what I want for breakfast. He had applied for childcare leave so he could stay home to help me.


Love that gesture...because I never intended it so, or hinted it. So he did it because he wanted to. If ya get what I mean. It was a pleasant suprise and I had a great rest today. Thus the nuah-ing now.


I loved this - which was written by Des on a album in Facebook about Daniel's dance club win at the annual church dance competition. I find it so funny!

"11past12 bollywoods their way to their third consecutive win at the annual 180 dance competition."
-- So many numbers in that one sentence that I'm having trouble keeping up. Ah, the mathematical-incompetency of a Literature student. So, to balance out the numbers, it's just one photo in the entire album. You've been warned.
 
He and Fanni always makes me laugh with the things they write. Yes, write.

Yesterday was the worse sick day ever in a long time. I got a cold because of Kate dearest, she started coughing and all first, so on tuesday morning I woke up feeling horrid. The dry cough and painful throat was horrible enough and yesterday I woke up feeling asthmatic. I didn't wanna see the doctor for a cough initially but yesterday I gave in, because I just couldn't function properly. Every movement felt too much, and it was impossible to rest with Kate around. I would much rather have a high fever than this; not being able to breathe really takes a toll on everything. Carrying her just leaves me breathless, literally. Even just brushing her teeth felt so impossible for me.




So I went to see the doctor who gave me a long lecture about smoking and having a history of asthma. Haha. I kinda feel like I'm suicidal or something, still smoking throughout yesterday and today. Every puff I take, I feel my chest tightening that little bit more. So I told myself this; I have been wanting to quit for the past year. Why not now? If I can go without cigarettes for the week, I'll quit. So I smoked a record of two sticks today. Very proud of myself. Soon, I can stop worrying about the smoke and nicotine-tainted stuff affecting little Kate. Third-hand smoke affects children the most. And this asthmatic episode reminded me of how I went through when I was young, having to puff and pant every morning when I climbed the stairs to the classroom in primary school. Feeling like I could just faint any moment. I don't want that to ever happen to Kate.

I had a huge fight with mom today. Over what she eats, or rather what she doesn't. She's been getting a lot of dizzy spells and I honestly seldom see her eat, so I nagged at her to eat more. That led to her dismissing me and me getting irritated and soon it led to a huge fight. Over my concern bout her eating. How ridiculous it is!


You know, I am not perfect. But to the people around me, I think none of them likes me, really! To everyone around, I'm less than perfect. I can never do anything right in their eyes. All of them. When hubs came back, I told him we should have left a long time ago, then we will be alone and the only one to judge whether I'm doing anything right will be myself. We shouldn't be here.


So crying over a bowl of noodles, I told him what happened. He, as usual, never said a thing. Worse still, I got the feeling that he probably don't dare go to bed with me like that. So I told him to go ahead and sleep. After awhile, he did. And I was left sitting there alone wondering how it is that I have no one to turn to for comfort. I know that is an unfair statement, seeing that I was the one who told him to go to bed. But the thing is...though I expected that no comfort would come from him, it still hurts every time it happens. Perhaps he's thinking; "There she goes again. Well whatever." I totally get it. That is why I haven't cried in front of him in a long time. Even when he does know, he chooses not to say anything whatsoever. He bought me chocolates earlier when I messaged him bout the fight we had. I don't know. Perhaps the distance between us is so great he no longer knows how to comfort me. Well. I won't wonder too much about it. I have already resigned myself to the fact that really, I won't be the same Maria as before, enjoying certain privileges and so on. So many things have changes, and perhaps the biggest change is in me.


Kate was comforting me in the evening though, she tried to hug me and played with my tears & even mimic my blinking back of tears. Darn cute. She's my everything. Really. Its not just that we spend so much time together, but also the unconditional love that we have for each other. Nothing beats that. To her now, I am the whole world & I could do no wrong. Even though in the eyes of others, I am always too strict, too this too that, whatever. People will always judge and gossip no matter what. Its human nature. As long as I know, and she feels my love, I don't care anymore. I wished I had the money to take Kate away with me. Because I wanna run far far away, from everyone. I just wanna be alone with her. Since I'm always alone with her anyway. But I can't. I don't have the capability to. Should I have, I probably won't be sitting down in front of the computer, venting my frustrations online. Its stupid, I know. But so very essential to my sanity. There are so many parts of my life that I hate. And yet those parts I love too. I know how blessed I am yet sometimes its just I really can't see what's so great bout my life. I know its contradicting.