I want my own life. No one to tell me what to do or when to do it. No one to dictate what I should be doing. I want a life with no one else and no other commitments other than Kate.

If you ask me. This "happy week" is just a disappointing week. Disappointment after fucking disappointments! I wonder how much more disappointments must I endure.

I know I said I'll try to be happy. I really did try.
But sometimes no matter how you try, you keep going in circles because you are caught in a bad relationship. Bad here can mean alot of things, of course.


I always believed that love will bring out the best in us, and be really constructive in our lives, be it together as a couple or as an individual.


And I still believe it. That is why although I cannot believe that I am saying this, but I'll say it anyway. I think love is lost between us. Because our marriage is no longer constructive in any way. Not to our lives together, nor to us individually. Where do we go from here? I don't know. Its not even a cross-junction to me. I do have an answer but I'm not sure if I'm right.

Happy week!

It's a happy week coming!

19th's just passed; 7 years ago, it was the day hubs and I became a couple.
22nd's our 3rd wedding anniversary.

And he's got 3 days off, back to back! Yipee!

Gonna have 2 days of celebration. One without Kate, one with her. Heh heh. Tons of pics to upload, but no time to do so! =(

You choose.

In the last month, I have been seeing alot of unhappy relationships. Of course, there are the happy ones too. And then there is mine...


I know that I have been on a whine-fest about hubs and me from time to time. And now, I can't say that everything is perfecto but... I am grateful, truly! I realised that as I looked at the couples around me and beyond my circle, I have plenty to be grateful for. Sure, parenthood has changed certain things but I do believe that after Kate grows up, we should be like before.


And I realised another thing; the phrase "Happiness lies within yourself" is true. If you are in a demeaning, abusive or loveless relationship, get out. If you have nothing, work for something. Stand for nothing and you will fall for anything. If you are always depressed and hate the whole world for everything, the problem's you so suck it up,get stronger and think positively. Hate being alone? Learn to live with yourself and get out more! Sometimes you just need to sit down, think objectively and then do something about your problem. All this while, I keep thinking that its circumstances or others who made me so unhappy. Truth is, I'm the one who didn't allow myself to be happy. I could have been, even without the going to Spain and shopping and whatever. I kept thinking that if only I was in Spain, if only this and that, that all those would make me happy. And now I know that no matter what I do, or get, I will never be happy if I go on being so negative about everything. My attitude and thinking will have to change before I can be happy... Its rather sobering to start thinking like this.


One night about a month ago, I was so depressed I called Fanni and told her that I was about to give up on my marriage already. She didn't know it then, but she said something that really gave me a wake-up call; "You once promised to marry this man and accept him and all his flaws, to go through everything together. Somehow, even though there is no third party, and that's probably the worst thing that can happen to a couple, you are unable to follow through that promise." That gave me such a slap in my face. From that conversation on, it really put alot of things into perspective for me. I asked myself what was so wrong about my marriage, and I thought hard about the things we gave up for each other and even for Kate. Really, I don't know why I let myself slip.


I look around and I envy those that are happy. I always thought of the things I thought that the person had that made him/her happy. Thats true to a certain extent. But as I look closer now, I realised, its not just what they have. Because I have that too...its because of their outlook on life. Like the saying, "If life throws you a lemon, make lemonade!" It just means not to be depressed when you meet obstacles in life, instead, make the best out of it and rise to the occasion.


So I'm gonna try and make life work. For my sanity. For myself. And hope for the best.

Got loads of pics to update but that has to wait.. In a few hours time, Kate and I will be joining her godma and friends for a picnic at botanic gardens! Made ham sandwiches but they look horrid. I'm really bad at the whole preparing food thing!


Anyway hubs recently got a really great job opportunity, and I really hope he gets the job. He has always wanted to go to the back end of fashion and this fits the bill. He won't have to stand all day long should he get the job. And the benefits are alot better too, more annual leave days, medicL expenses for Kate and myself covered. He's been to two interviews and now we are waiting for the results of the second one. If he passes that, then there will be two more to go. Can't wait!

The one with all the niceys

I have been going for a jewelry making class for the past month and frankly, I look forward to every new class. I love learning the different techniques and getting tips on which materials to get and where from. Even though I do not like every design, I realise that each lesson has been planned merticulously so we can master the techniques properly. And I'm so glad Jo's coming with me and she's equally hyped up!


You know, our community centres have a lot of courses tailored to meet every individual's interest. And at such affordation affordable prices too! You know, I really wanna join a scrapbooking class too. PA has them too and so I will be joining the one in October. Its only for a day but perhaps they might have other advance course after that ends. But you know what's my dream course? The one held by Laines Papeterie at Wheelock Place. http://www.laines.com.sg


SDU Scrapbook Design & You – Basic (SDU-Basic)


NEW FORMAT!


University Style Training Courses
Scrapbook Design &You takes on a whole new format while still delivering to you the same quality teaching in the basics of scrapbooking. Enjoy more value in class, more opportunity to work on refining your layouts and plenty of focused hands-on practice and guidance from our experienced teachers to learn the key concepts and tools of scrapbooking. Topics covered: Module 1 - Scrapbook basics, Module 2 - Building Blocks of Design, Module 3 - The Power of the Pen, Module 4 - The Final Touch. Best of all, SDU (Basic) is now available in 2 pricing options to best meet your scrapbooking needs:

Fee
SDU (Basic) - $230 for 4 sessions x 3hrs - includes SDU tote Bag, all required notes, materials for hands-on practice and supplies for completing 4 scrapbook layouts.
SUD (Basic) PLUS - $280 for 4 sessions x 3hrs - includes all items in SDU (Basic) PLUS a generous Scrapbooking Starter Pack which includes an EK Success Paper Trimmer, Scrapbooking book, Acid-free tape glue (supplies worth more than $90).


You can either join the weekday class, for 4 weeks from 2.30pm to 5pm. Or, take the weekend class for 2 weeks, each saturday full day class. But, the price! Perhaps in future ba...Sigh.


Anyway I am quite happy with my jewelry classes. Having loads of fun. Spanish classes are taking a break, til me and Fanni are financially ready to go back. Haha. That was fun too, but a different kind of fun.


And guess what? This month on fareastflora.com , they are featuring my favorite flowers!! I know this is so random but they sent me an email and I got so excited seeing my favorite flowers in so many different designs and colours! Because of my wedding bouqet, I always thought hydrangeas were blue in colour!













*Swoons over pictures.* Goodness, but they are really expensive! I seldom see hydrangeas being sold...so this is a visual treat indeed!


And since we are on the topic of things I like... I really love the Eiffel tower! Or rather, pictures of it. Especially vintage looking pictures of it! I love those altered art pieces where people add touches of pink to the whole picture and then it becomes so dreamy and pretty! I love looking at what people can do with those digital sheets. Ok...I'm not making sense... On Etsy.com, where people worldwide sell all things hand-maded and also supplies, there are also photographers and um, digital artists (no idea what else to call them) who sell the photographs that they take. Either as framed pictures, or as collage sheets. A collage sheet is a collection of digital images that someone has assembled on a sheet of paper. You normally purchase a digital collage sheet online and the creator of the sheet emails it to you. Most digital collage sheet artists place a copyright stamp on the online image so that people can't download it free.(Taken from  http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2601927/what_are_digital_collage_sheets.html?cat=24)

So if you buy the collage sheets, you can print them as many times as you like. Buyers will use them to make tags, um...scrapbooking, or even to make lockets, bags, towels anything actually! So I really love seeing the things that people make, like I said, anything with the Eiffel tower just makes me feel really dreamy and its just so pretty! I love the following vintage looking photograph and I'm so gonna buy one for my house when it comes. Preferably one with the Eiffel tower.





And these tags are just so, so pretty in pink, aren't they?