You choose.

In the last month, I have been seeing alot of unhappy relationships. Of course, there are the happy ones too. And then there is mine...


I know that I have been on a whine-fest about hubs and me from time to time. And now, I can't say that everything is perfecto but... I am grateful, truly! I realised that as I looked at the couples around me and beyond my circle, I have plenty to be grateful for. Sure, parenthood has changed certain things but I do believe that after Kate grows up, we should be like before.


And I realised another thing; the phrase "Happiness lies within yourself" is true. If you are in a demeaning, abusive or loveless relationship, get out. If you have nothing, work for something. Stand for nothing and you will fall for anything. If you are always depressed and hate the whole world for everything, the problem's you so suck it up,get stronger and think positively. Hate being alone? Learn to live with yourself and get out more! Sometimes you just need to sit down, think objectively and then do something about your problem. All this while, I keep thinking that its circumstances or others who made me so unhappy. Truth is, I'm the one who didn't allow myself to be happy. I could have been, even without the going to Spain and shopping and whatever. I kept thinking that if only I was in Spain, if only this and that, that all those would make me happy. And now I know that no matter what I do, or get, I will never be happy if I go on being so negative about everything. My attitude and thinking will have to change before I can be happy... Its rather sobering to start thinking like this.


One night about a month ago, I was so depressed I called Fanni and told her that I was about to give up on my marriage already. She didn't know it then, but she said something that really gave me a wake-up call; "You once promised to marry this man and accept him and all his flaws, to go through everything together. Somehow, even though there is no third party, and that's probably the worst thing that can happen to a couple, you are unable to follow through that promise." That gave me such a slap in my face. From that conversation on, it really put alot of things into perspective for me. I asked myself what was so wrong about my marriage, and I thought hard about the things we gave up for each other and even for Kate. Really, I don't know why I let myself slip.


I look around and I envy those that are happy. I always thought of the things I thought that the person had that made him/her happy. Thats true to a certain extent. But as I look closer now, I realised, its not just what they have. Because I have that too...its because of their outlook on life. Like the saying, "If life throws you a lemon, make lemonade!" It just means not to be depressed when you meet obstacles in life, instead, make the best out of it and rise to the occasion.


So I'm gonna try and make life work. For my sanity. For myself. And hope for the best.