I tried my best. I know I'm not the perfect mother or the best mother around and to be frank, sometimes I wish I wasn't one. I never wanted a kid at all until Immanuel step into my life. It was then that I thought perhaps I would like one.
So ta-da, Kate was born. The thing is... I'm so overwhelmed sometimes. People discourage me from being a stay home mom - sometimes going as far as to snub me & all. Others give snide remarks bout how Kate is so spoilt or hint that I'm a lousy mother. Then those close enough would say that I'm always & forever complaining. I get it. When I look at my blog, I am aware that though there are joyful posts, there are also the whiny complaining ones. And the ones that are rather depressing. I know I shouldn't take anything to heart, that though people may not always be nice or understanding or kind, I should just ignore the bad things. But that is so easy to say & hard to do. Are you able to ignore everything that is bad in your life? I know I should not let those people affect me, how they think & what they say. But I am human & it does matter to me what others think of me. If you don't, good for you. But look at it this way, all of us do get affected by others in some way or another, don't act like you don't. Its just that we all get affected by different things. But its still the same; we are human & it matters to us sometimes what others say.
I love Kate, no question about it. I am happy being a stay home mom, spending my time, devoting it entirely to her. But I would love to be able to sometimes, go out & enjoy myself with the adult world, without having to worry about whether she is in good hands or whether she is giving others problems. My mom is ill, my mil, dad & brothers don't know how to look after her, my sil gets along great with her but don't know how to do nappy changes, my hubby can't put her to sleep, I have no maid or nanny & I'm not comfortable leaving her with strangers, I already said umpteen times I'm looking after her full-time til she's 18 months at least.(So DON'T suggest me putting her in childcare now, I heard that A F_ING MILLION times & I'm soooooo SICK of explaining). So, that really leaves me nowhere, DOESN'T it???
So, to sum it all up, I have to bring her EVERYWHERE I go, & I CAN'T go out at night & yes I want to sometimes go out with the gals & have a drink. IS THAT SO HARD?
It's not Kate I'm worried bout. K, I'm worried about her. But I'm more worried bout if I just went out & left her with any of the above mentioned people & she wakes up & crys non stop. First, it wakes up everyone in the house. Second, it tramatises the person looking after her & he/she may not be so willing or happy to help me again. Third, I rather go out not having to worry bout anyone calling me to go home now OR soon as she is crying & they can't pacify her. So get it?
But I can't help feeling resentful. Other people I know, majority leaves the kid in their parents/pil care, or have a maid & regularly are able to go out. I just want to be able to do so once in awhile, but I know I can't. Not for now at least. Sometimes I feel like I can accept that. Others, I feel like I'm going mad. Doesn't anyone understand? I don't NEED your sympathy or pity, there is nothing pitiful about it. I just need your empathy...why can't you understand that I wanna be a mother but I also need to be Maria sometimes? Just sometimes, without worries. Without worries...
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
Merry X'mas peeps!
Merry, merry X'mas!
Someone mentioned that with kids, the festive season become a whole lot more fun. Couldn't agree more! Kate went with me & mom to Jurong Point & made us laughed when she screamed in excitement at the restaurant where we were having dinner. & she couldn't wait while I went into the shop to get her a gift, a christmas-y helium balloon. When she finally went to sleep at 10-ish, I thought she had turned in for the night. At 11-ish, she got up, looked at me & after awhile, she started to kick her legs in excitement. Its as though she knew it was the eve of Christmas & got up to celebrate with us! So darn cute.
I found myself thinking back to the past year, when I had to give up so much of the things that I thought defined who I was and all my freedom just to be a stay home mom. There were so many times I resented all of it, when I envied those who had maids or people to help them take care of baby while they go ahead & have a baby-free day by themselves. But as I marvelled at how much my little gal has grown, I realise that along with her, I have grown up too.. & I secretly take pride in the fact that I have been by her side all these while. =)
Pictures soon!
Someone mentioned that with kids, the festive season become a whole lot more fun. Couldn't agree more! Kate went with me & mom to Jurong Point & made us laughed when she screamed in excitement at the restaurant where we were having dinner. & she couldn't wait while I went into the shop to get her a gift, a christmas-y helium balloon. When she finally went to sleep at 10-ish, I thought she had turned in for the night. At 11-ish, she got up, looked at me & after awhile, she started to kick her legs in excitement. Its as though she knew it was the eve of Christmas & got up to celebrate with us! So darn cute.
I found myself thinking back to the past year, when I had to give up so much of the things that I thought defined who I was and all my freedom just to be a stay home mom. There were so many times I resented all of it, when I envied those who had maids or people to help them take care of baby while they go ahead & have a baby-free day by themselves. But as I marvelled at how much my little gal has grown, I realise that along with her, I have grown up too.. & I secretly take pride in the fact that I have been by her side all these while. =)
Pictures soon!
Monday, December 21, 2009
The one with the pining & the decision
In Batam, Fanni & I was talking & the topic of Stella & me came up. I was actually comtemplating sending her a xmas pressie & see how things go. Thought maybe we could just move on from there.
Last night I got to thinking about all my friends & how we met & all the past friends I had.
So today I msged Stella. & til now she hasn't replied. Which is clear. Not that her actions weren't clear before. I guessed I just miss all that we had. But there is only so much I will do, because I feel that it shouldn't be hard. & I have my pride too. So...if she doesn't wanna talk, fine. Don't wanna be friends, fine. It's gonna be alright. Its so silly & hurting & enough's enough. Truely, it's over.
Last night I got to thinking about all my friends & how we met & all the past friends I had.
So today I msged Stella. & til now she hasn't replied. Which is clear. Not that her actions weren't clear before. I guessed I just miss all that we had. But there is only so much I will do, because I feel that it shouldn't be hard. & I have my pride too. So...if she doesn't wanna talk, fine. Don't wanna be friends, fine. It's gonna be alright. Its so silly & hurting & enough's enough. Truely, it's over.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
The one where we went to Ikea!
We went out with my in-laws the other day to get furniture for their new place... Kate had a blast trying out the baby cribs there!
She's such a beauty, isn't she?
She's such a beauty, isn't she?
The one with the overdue KL pics!
I finally got down to editing the pictures from our KL trip! Then I realised we didn't take that many pictures after all, haha!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Yesterday...I suddenly thought of Stella. And then I was damn pissed off at everything that has happened between us. Dad had asked me if we were back on talking terms, & no we are not. I don't know if we will ever, but I’ve got a lot on my plate at the moment - not gonna worry bout her. Dad thinks we are crazy. Sigh. Not me!
Well...I just came back from a lovely wedding dinner...very tired but can't sleep. Sometimes I just feel so helpless & drained out. I can't sleep when I'm exhausted, because I have to wait til Kate does. & I can't bathe or do anything til she sleeps. So I wait an hour or so for her to fall asleep, then go bathe, & pack or whatever. It's so tiring...I wished I could manage my time a little better. Speaking of which, I guess I also need to handle my shopping craves too. I wanted this Oakley backpack, to bring Kate's stuff along & all. I already have a diaper backpack, but its heavy & overpriced & loud. So I'm gonna sell that. But Oakley bags are quite pricey too. So I bought a cheap one today, rugged & big! And I was very happy with my buy til hubs told me Oakley having 50% discount on some bags now...& I feel like buying again! Sigh... I must control. I keep telling myself I don't need another bag/pair of shoes/whatever it is that I catch a fancy to. But I always catch a fancy to everything I see & its so hard to control myself! I always think, when I see something, that it goes so well with this & that & the colour is so pretty & blah blah blah. Must stop. I always tell myself & hubs "I gotta have that!" Then I start to feel abit bad after buying, especially the expensive things...like the amount I spent on the item could have fed a family for how long etc...I even thought to myself; if everytime I wanna buy something, I put aside the money for charity instead, imagine how much that would help the needy!
Oh, heard bout the boys brigade sharity drive? You can read more here...
http://bbshare.sg/
You can buy some biscuits, cereals, rice, halal canned food, adult or children diapers or find out what are the wish list or food list of the needy & donate accordingly. For the food or grocery items that you wanna donate, you can find out where the gift boxes are, & then you can go to that particular NTUC & shop for the items & donate at the gift box straight away, convenient right? Mom & I saw the gift box at Jurong Point today so we bought some stuff. I think its nice to know I helped someone instead of always just shopping for my wants.
Well...I just came back from a lovely wedding dinner...very tired but can't sleep. Sometimes I just feel so helpless & drained out. I can't sleep when I'm exhausted, because I have to wait til Kate does. & I can't bathe or do anything til she sleeps. So I wait an hour or so for her to fall asleep, then go bathe, & pack or whatever. It's so tiring...I wished I could manage my time a little better. Speaking of which, I guess I also need to handle my shopping craves too. I wanted this Oakley backpack, to bring Kate's stuff along & all. I already have a diaper backpack, but its heavy & overpriced & loud. So I'm gonna sell that. But Oakley bags are quite pricey too. So I bought a cheap one today, rugged & big! And I was very happy with my buy til hubs told me Oakley having 50% discount on some bags now...& I feel like buying again! Sigh... I must control. I keep telling myself I don't need another bag/pair of shoes/whatever it is that I catch a fancy to. But I always catch a fancy to everything I see & its so hard to control myself! I always think, when I see something, that it goes so well with this & that & the colour is so pretty & blah blah blah. Must stop. I always tell myself & hubs "I gotta have that!" Then I start to feel abit bad after buying, especially the expensive things...like the amount I spent on the item could have fed a family for how long etc...I even thought to myself; if everytime I wanna buy something, I put aside the money for charity instead, imagine how much that would help the needy!
Oh, heard bout the boys brigade sharity drive? You can read more here...
http://bbshare.sg/
You can buy some biscuits, cereals, rice, halal canned food, adult or children diapers or find out what are the wish list or food list of the needy & donate accordingly. For the food or grocery items that you wanna donate, you can find out where the gift boxes are, & then you can go to that particular NTUC & shop for the items & donate at the gift box straight away, convenient right? Mom & I saw the gift box at Jurong Point today so we bought some stuff. I think its nice to know I helped someone instead of always just shopping for my wants.
Friday, December 4, 2009
The one with plenty of pictures!
I'm so glad...Finally cleared a box of rubbish that I left in the storeroom. Cleared all the junk & now need to pack everything neatly into the cupboards. Sigh, another sleepless night packing again. After all the packing of my room, still gotta pack storeroom. It's like a never ending job. But I feel such a sense of accomplishment!
Now uploading the pics for Kate's bday bash...to Facebook. Its taking forever. Let's try here again. (The other night, I tried uploading but something went wrong with my editting.)
Okay...the above pics were from Des's camera...Still got more in mine. No time to upload yet though...Part two will come. Heh!
My editing went wrong...not very sure why some pics smaller & all. Never ming. Will figure it out some other time. Damn pissed with my blog though. Everytime I upload a picture, I gotta edit html and delete the seperator. If not, my whole post is ruined with pictures and seperator ALL OVER. Sigh. Wanna upload pics also so troublesome.
Anyway...today it rained really heavily...And Kate & I was in the room when there was a clap of thunder. I told her gently "Thunder..." And she replied me, "Thun er"! Haha! So very cute. She's attempting to talk but each word she says is slurred. Other than a very audible dad & mom & not forgetting mum(food), the rest doesn't really sound like the real word, haha! & each time I try to make her stand properly alone, in the hopes of getting her to attempt walking to me, she refuses. She will laugh & sit on the floor. Funny little gal.
The other day I left her on the bathroom floor while I washed my hands. Usually I close the door but that day I forgot. When I finished washing & wanted to pick her up, I realised she was gone! Panicky & knowing that little rugrat would surely go to the staircase, I ran out shouting for her. True enough, I found her at the top of the staircase, peering down at her uncles. Mom, upon hearing me shout, had instantly knew Kate must have crawled to the staircase too & was halfway up to get her. Gave us such a scare... sigh. I gotta be more careful man...
Ooh...anyway, its december again! The month of my birthday & Christmas! My favorite festive season! The past few years, I always wondered where that magical feeling I always got went to. I guess as you grow older, you spend less time with your family and more with your friends. Not that it isn't fun, it's just different. I realised alot of the magic for me, came from the time I had with my family in the past...So maybe that's what is missing from my christmas the last few years. Instead of having lovely christmas songs playing in the background, turkey & beef on the table, & audible conversations with my loved ones, I have been clubbing with friends. Drinking ourselves silly... Hmmm... Other than last year of course, when I just gave birth.
Anyway...I still love this month! I got wish le...Can please don't give my my birthday & christmas gift together? Haha. So not fair! I ALWAYS get them together, as in one gift for both occasions! ... And super big hint; if you don't know what to get me, just get me a fictional book, a thriller at that or some scrapbook stuff! Paper/stamps/embellishments whatever! Better yet, make me something! It doesn't have to be expensive. Contrary to what people think of me; high maintenence & only go for expensive stuff, I do not always go for the expensive things! But of course, if you wanna splurge on me, why not get me my all-time top of the list bag to get? The Loewe Amazona bag. I love the simple design but the hefty price tag is crazy!
Ooh, got this cartoon strip of Kate from Fanni's blog, isn't it adorable?? (Thanks Fanni!)
Now uploading the pics for Kate's bday bash...to Facebook. Its taking forever. Let's try here again. (The other night, I tried uploading but something went wrong with my editting.)
Okay...the above pics were from Des's camera...Still got more in mine. No time to upload yet though...Part two will come. Heh!
My editing went wrong...not very sure why some pics smaller & all. Never ming. Will figure it out some other time. Damn pissed with my blog though. Everytime I upload a picture, I gotta edit html and delete the seperator. If not, my whole post is ruined with pictures and seperator ALL OVER. Sigh. Wanna upload pics also so troublesome.
Anyway...today it rained really heavily...And Kate & I was in the room when there was a clap of thunder. I told her gently "Thunder..." And she replied me, "Thun er"! Haha! So very cute. She's attempting to talk but each word she says is slurred. Other than a very audible dad & mom & not forgetting mum(food), the rest doesn't really sound like the real word, haha! & each time I try to make her stand properly alone, in the hopes of getting her to attempt walking to me, she refuses. She will laugh & sit on the floor. Funny little gal.
The other day I left her on the bathroom floor while I washed my hands. Usually I close the door but that day I forgot. When I finished washing & wanted to pick her up, I realised she was gone! Panicky & knowing that little rugrat would surely go to the staircase, I ran out shouting for her. True enough, I found her at the top of the staircase, peering down at her uncles. Mom, upon hearing me shout, had instantly knew Kate must have crawled to the staircase too & was halfway up to get her. Gave us such a scare... sigh. I gotta be more careful man...
Ooh...anyway, its december again! The month of my birthday & Christmas! My favorite festive season! The past few years, I always wondered where that magical feeling I always got went to. I guess as you grow older, you spend less time with your family and more with your friends. Not that it isn't fun, it's just different. I realised alot of the magic for me, came from the time I had with my family in the past...So maybe that's what is missing from my christmas the last few years. Instead of having lovely christmas songs playing in the background, turkey & beef on the table, & audible conversations with my loved ones, I have been clubbing with friends. Drinking ourselves silly... Hmmm... Other than last year of course, when I just gave birth.
Anyway...I still love this month! I got wish le...Can please don't give my my birthday & christmas gift together? Haha. So not fair! I ALWAYS get them together, as in one gift for both occasions! ... And super big hint; if you don't know what to get me, just get me a fictional book, a thriller at that or some scrapbook stuff! Paper/stamps/embellishments whatever! Better yet, make me something! It doesn't have to be expensive. Contrary to what people think of me; high maintenence & only go for expensive stuff, I do not always go for the expensive things! But of course, if you wanna splurge on me, why not get me my all-time top of the list bag to get? The Loewe Amazona bag. I love the simple design but the hefty price tag is crazy!
Ooh, got this cartoon strip of Kate from Fanni's blog, isn't it adorable?? (Thanks Fanni!)
Friday, November 27, 2009
The one with lots of lazing around
Been lazing around for awhile... Wanted to arrange Kate's pics to post up here, along with pics of her presents & our outings but so lazy le!
Kate can now call me "Ma ma!" So happy! Plus she sound so sweet when she calls me. *Beams*
Poor gal caught a cold, & was quite the sick monster the past few days. Finally she seems much better today. But still very grouchy... Hate having to grab her cheeks & force feed her medicine. Poor gal will scream her lungs out & try desperately to hide in the crook of my arms. To no avail... heh.
Kate can now call me "Ma ma!" So happy! Plus she sound so sweet when she calls me. *Beams*
Poor gal caught a cold, & was quite the sick monster the past few days. Finally she seems much better today. But still very grouchy... Hate having to grab her cheeks & force feed her medicine. Poor gal will scream her lungs out & try desperately to hide in the crook of my arms. To no avail... heh.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
The one with more quarrels
I quarreled with my mom today. And with hubs yesterday. I think I just need to quarrel with a few others, before the boxes on my list is all ticked... kidding. Sigh.
So sick of everything suddenly. Turning to more comfort food again.
So sick of everything suddenly. Turning to more comfort food again.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
The one with the beautiful video
I'm very happy today!
Met up with Fanni & Yvonne & had a lovely dinner at TCC. It was really great for me, since I didn't really think bout Stella.
Fanni presented me with another present for Kate today; a homemade video, compiling all Kate's pictures from birth. It was beautiful! & very touching to me. She decorated the cd cover with sequins and all, which is so what I'm into nowadays; self-creation thingys! This is what she said in the video...
"Hello Mama, Papa & baby Kate! Foremost, a very happy birthday to little rugrat Kate, who've since grew so much, from the 1st time I saw her. She's been an absolute darling to all of us...no doubt about that!
Just wanna let you guys know that you've done a really great job as a parent! Showerin' unconditional love, giving up lotsa things...
Whatever stress your going thru Mama, hang in there! I'm always just a call away should you need a listening ear...
I honestly have no idea how it feels like to be a parent, & I reckon it isn't easy... But looking at the Han family never fails to make me go green & I tell myself that someday, I hope I'd have a family like yours too..=)"
You know, when I read that second paragraph, I almost cried. It just felt nice to know that someone is acknowledging all the hard work & love you have put into raising your little one...& the fact that a friend is also affirming the fact that she's just a call away. It was something I really needed to hear right now. It's strange how comfort comes in the strangest & least expected ways. The other day, just after my quarrel with Stella, Ken's cousin also chatted with me on msn & said she was just a call away, should I need her. It meant alot to me...
As I look at a sound asleep Kate, it boggles my mind how time flies. She's one today... & a year ago this time, hubs & I were in the delivery suite, waiting anxiously to meet her for the first time. I remember the initial stage where I thought I would never make it through, that I would just die from all the stress & anxiety of being a new parent; every little thing scared me, & even breathing seemed so tough & strange for the little newborn. I thought I would never cope...& even refused to let mom go anywhere. Just wanted her to be with me & make sure everything was ok. I remember that hubs & I didn't dare to be alone with Kate for long, for fear that should she cry, we would not be able to cope. Whenever mom was around, we felt better, like we could breathe easy - backup's there. Dad was right. He told me one day, that I'll learn to cope by and by...
I really do feel so blessed. Despite all the frustrations of giving up my freedom, & all the times I feel like I would go insane, she's really brought alot of joy to us & I know I wouldn't exchange her for anything. Whenever she hugs or kisses me, I feel like the most important person in the world. Just yesterday morning, while I was sleeping, she crawled over to me, spit her pacifier on my face,(which woke me up!) & planted a huge kiss on me. When I looked at her, she gave me a big grin, & I remember feeling so loved, because it was such a random act of love, but means so much! It's like, she woke up, saw that I was still sleeping, & came over to kiss me just because.. if you get what I mean.
I feel so very blessed. I may not have a lot, not in quantity anyway, & perhaps I don't feel understood all the time (who does, anyway?) but I sure am surrounded by people who loves me. & I'm glad. It gets so hard sometimes...
Met up with Fanni & Yvonne & had a lovely dinner at TCC. It was really great for me, since I didn't really think bout Stella.
Fanni presented me with another present for Kate today; a homemade video, compiling all Kate's pictures from birth. It was beautiful! & very touching to me. She decorated the cd cover with sequins and all, which is so what I'm into nowadays; self-creation thingys! This is what she said in the video...
"Hello Mama, Papa & baby Kate! Foremost, a very happy birthday to little rugrat Kate, who've since grew so much, from the 1st time I saw her. She's been an absolute darling to all of us...no doubt about that!
Just wanna let you guys know that you've done a really great job as a parent! Showerin' unconditional love, giving up lotsa things...
Whatever stress your going thru Mama, hang in there! I'm always just a call away should you need a listening ear...
I honestly have no idea how it feels like to be a parent, & I reckon it isn't easy... But looking at the Han family never fails to make me go green & I tell myself that someday, I hope I'd have a family like yours too..=)"
You know, when I read that second paragraph, I almost cried. It just felt nice to know that someone is acknowledging all the hard work & love you have put into raising your little one...& the fact that a friend is also affirming the fact that she's just a call away. It was something I really needed to hear right now. It's strange how comfort comes in the strangest & least expected ways. The other day, just after my quarrel with Stella, Ken's cousin also chatted with me on msn & said she was just a call away, should I need her. It meant alot to me...
As I look at a sound asleep Kate, it boggles my mind how time flies. She's one today... & a year ago this time, hubs & I were in the delivery suite, waiting anxiously to meet her for the first time. I remember the initial stage where I thought I would never make it through, that I would just die from all the stress & anxiety of being a new parent; every little thing scared me, & even breathing seemed so tough & strange for the little newborn. I thought I would never cope...& even refused to let mom go anywhere. Just wanted her to be with me & make sure everything was ok. I remember that hubs & I didn't dare to be alone with Kate for long, for fear that should she cry, we would not be able to cope. Whenever mom was around, we felt better, like we could breathe easy - backup's there. Dad was right. He told me one day, that I'll learn to cope by and by...
I really do feel so blessed. Despite all the frustrations of giving up my freedom, & all the times I feel like I would go insane, she's really brought alot of joy to us & I know I wouldn't exchange her for anything. Whenever she hugs or kisses me, I feel like the most important person in the world. Just yesterday morning, while I was sleeping, she crawled over to me, spit her pacifier on my face,(which woke me up!) & planted a huge kiss on me. When I looked at her, she gave me a big grin, & I remember feeling so loved, because it was such a random act of love, but means so much! It's like, she woke up, saw that I was still sleeping, & came over to kiss me just because.. if you get what I mean.
I feel so very blessed. I may not have a lot, not in quantity anyway, & perhaps I don't feel understood all the time (who does, anyway?) but I sure am surrounded by people who loves me. & I'm glad. It gets so hard sometimes...
Sunday, November 15, 2009
The one with more whining =)
I feel like such a loser. Hmmm. I keep thinking bout Stella. Not the whole day, but occasionally throughout the day. Idiotic right? I mean, she's totally cut me off. & she's probably not even thinking bout anything that's related to me. Maybe when she's flipping through her wedding pics, when she sees a pic with my face, she's like, hmm, yucks, turn page over. *Groan* What the hell is wrong with me?!
&%@*@
Can someone please tell me why? Why she so easily just cut me out?
Hubs thinks it's no biggie. He thinks since she wants to be like this, I should just ignore her & forget it. But... k. Better not think. Make me wanna burst into tears AGAIN.
Keep talking bout her. I'm so pathetic.
Anyway! Kate! Can't stand her and all her silliness. She refused to offer her grandma any strawberry just now, for fear my mom will take it away from her. She's very adorable, she can fake laughter! Damn cute. She tried to take away my specs just now, and the moment she did, she hug me and buried her face into mine. So I realised why she's always trying to take my specs away when we lying down. When I laughed, (Very ticklish le) she looked at me & started her fake laughing too. Can't stand her. That night when I was crying & holding her, she just ly quietly in my arms. When hubs came up & comforted me, she turned to him & raised her arms as though to ask him what happened. Hee. I love her. She took an hour to get to sleep just now. Tossed and turned & played with the pillows.
Ooh! Weds morning, 3am to 5am, we are going to japanese garden! To see the meteor shower and Kate's been given the permission to come along! (By her grandma, haha) Details below...
Leonids Meteor Shower Gazing
The Science Centre Singapore and TASOS are celebrating the International Year of Astronomy (IYA) 2009 with a big bang. The stars of the show are forecasted to be a meteor storm that will happen between 3am to 5am.
Astronomers have predicted that the annual Leonids might put up the most dramatic light show not seen in recent years as the earth passes close to the centre of the comet’s debris trail laid down in 1466. The ideal locations for viewing are in Asia and North America.
On stage, there will be performances by Kenji Williams, an audio visual art performer, while offstage, visitors will be entertained by the Science Buskers. For astronomy buffs, an accompanying meteorite exhibition, a talk by TASOS, on-site telescope viewing of the planet Jupiter and inflatable planetarium tours for children will also be held.
Time: 8pm – 5am (*8pm – 2am: activities / 2am – 5am: free & easy)
Start Time: Tuesday, November 17, 2009 at 8:00pm
End Time: Wednesday, November 18, 2009 at 5:00am
Location: Japanese Gardens
Read more: http://astronomy.sg/archives/563#ixzz0Wr9IbTGV
I can't wait. It's a meteor shower le! Plus it's happening just after Kate's birthday...=)
&%@*@
Can someone please tell me why? Why she so easily just cut me out?
Hubs thinks it's no biggie. He thinks since she wants to be like this, I should just ignore her & forget it. But... k. Better not think. Make me wanna burst into tears AGAIN.
Keep talking bout her. I'm so pathetic.
Anyway! Kate! Can't stand her and all her silliness. She refused to offer her grandma any strawberry just now, for fear my mom will take it away from her. She's very adorable, she can fake laughter! Damn cute. She tried to take away my specs just now, and the moment she did, she hug me and buried her face into mine. So I realised why she's always trying to take my specs away when we lying down. When I laughed, (Very ticklish le) she looked at me & started her fake laughing too. Can't stand her. That night when I was crying & holding her, she just ly quietly in my arms. When hubs came up & comforted me, she turned to him & raised her arms as though to ask him what happened. Hee. I love her. She took an hour to get to sleep just now. Tossed and turned & played with the pillows.
Ooh! Weds morning, 3am to 5am, we are going to japanese garden! To see the meteor shower and Kate's been given the permission to come along! (By her grandma, haha) Details below...
Leonids Meteor Shower Gazing
The Science Centre Singapore and TASOS are celebrating the International Year of Astronomy (IYA) 2009 with a big bang. The stars of the show are forecasted to be a meteor storm that will happen between 3am to 5am.
Astronomers have predicted that the annual Leonids might put up the most dramatic light show not seen in recent years as the earth passes close to the centre of the comet’s debris trail laid down in 1466. The ideal locations for viewing are in Asia and North America.
On stage, there will be performances by Kenji Williams, an audio visual art performer, while offstage, visitors will be entertained by the Science Buskers. For astronomy buffs, an accompanying meteorite exhibition, a talk by TASOS, on-site telescope viewing of the planet Jupiter and inflatable planetarium tours for children will also be held.
Time: 8pm – 5am (*8pm – 2am: activities / 2am – 5am: free & easy)
Start Time: Tuesday, November 17, 2009 at 8:00pm
End Time: Wednesday, November 18, 2009 at 5:00am
Location: Japanese Gardens
Read more: http://astronomy.sg/archives/563#ixzz0Wr9IbTGV
I can't wait. It's a meteor shower le! Plus it's happening just after Kate's birthday...=)
Friday, November 13, 2009
The one with the custom-made something
Which should I get? Custom made bracelet or necklace?
I want something which signifies little Kate. I would love a tattoo, but that's against what I believe. Hmm... anyway when I decide & it's done, will post a picture of it here & the lovely lady's website from which I ordered it from.
I think I'm used to sleeping very late already. Don't wanna go to bed yet. Sigh. Kate got beaten twice today, little rascal don't want to sleep & keep being naughty. I got to hit her hard, since when I don't, she actually smiles at me, thinking I'm playing with her. If you want to hit your kid, make sure they cry upon being hit. If not, it defeats the purpose. Sounds cruel right? I heard from someone, & thought it cruel. Then after much thought, it makes sense.
Last night, Kate woke up & started playing at hub's side, so I put my finger to my lips & said to her, "Shhhh! Daddy sleeping..." She followed my handsign & poked her finger against her nose. This evening when I said "Shhh!" again, she poked her finger up her nose, haha! Then later that night, when she saw hubs sleeping, she turned to me & put her finger to her nose again & smiled. Can't stand children; what joy they bring! I need to upload her pictures from her party soon... =) How time flies, Kate's one!
I want something which signifies little Kate. I would love a tattoo, but that's against what I believe. Hmm... anyway when I decide & it's done, will post a picture of it here & the lovely lady's website from which I ordered it from.
I think I'm used to sleeping very late already. Don't wanna go to bed yet. Sigh. Kate got beaten twice today, little rascal don't want to sleep & keep being naughty. I got to hit her hard, since when I don't, she actually smiles at me, thinking I'm playing with her. If you want to hit your kid, make sure they cry upon being hit. If not, it defeats the purpose. Sounds cruel right? I heard from someone, & thought it cruel. Then after much thought, it makes sense.
Last night, Kate woke up & started playing at hub's side, so I put my finger to my lips & said to her, "Shhhh! Daddy sleeping..." She followed my handsign & poked her finger against her nose. This evening when I said "Shhh!" again, she poked her finger up her nose, haha! Then later that night, when she saw hubs sleeping, she turned to me & put her finger to her nose again & smiled. Can't stand children; what joy they bring! I need to upload her pictures from her party soon... =) How time flies, Kate's one!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
The one with the grieving
The whole day today, I slept & slept. Couldn't be bothered to do anything. & trust me, there are loads to do. I kept screaming at Kate, & hubs couldn't take it.
Finally, when I checked my facebook, I realised Stella had deleted me from her friends list. That, was the last straw. Crying, I went to have a smoke. & I thought to myself, why is she doing all this to me? She keeps doing thing after thing to prove to me that she wants me out of her life. That she does not want this friendship. Because I asked her to cut someone some slack. I find it ridiculous how far she has gone with all this. And I realised that she's right; we can't be friends anymore. But not because of me, it's because of all that she has done since the msg I sent her. The hurtful msgs, the deleting of all my photos & all the mean comments. I don't think it's fair. But I find that I no longer should feel so bad. Because I have tried, & she has done nothing but destroy the relationship more & more with all her antics.
I need to move on. Even if I am upset, I still need to do my job as a mother & daughter. One day, this hurt will fade. Five years from now, this incident will be just a silly memory. This is just the grieving stage. I'll be fine.
Finally, when I checked my facebook, I realised Stella had deleted me from her friends list. That, was the last straw. Crying, I went to have a smoke. & I thought to myself, why is she doing all this to me? She keeps doing thing after thing to prove to me that she wants me out of her life. That she does not want this friendship. Because I asked her to cut someone some slack. I find it ridiculous how far she has gone with all this. And I realised that she's right; we can't be friends anymore. But not because of me, it's because of all that she has done since the msg I sent her. The hurtful msgs, the deleting of all my photos & all the mean comments. I don't think it's fair. But I find that I no longer should feel so bad. Because I have tried, & she has done nothing but destroy the relationship more & more with all her antics.
I need to move on. Even if I am upset, I still need to do my job as a mother & daughter. One day, this hurt will fade. Five years from now, this incident will be just a silly memory. This is just the grieving stage. I'll be fine.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
The one after the big quarrel
I saw another comment which hurt again...it implied that I never was there for her, that she listened to all my ranting,raving & stuff. Raving is such a funny word to use. When I read the comment I was upset & hurt. Now that I am typing it down, it actually is funny! Raving maniac! That's me. Haha.
It's so blown out of proportion. Come to think of it. We are both married & coming thirty in a few more years. I've got a kid. Why then are we quarreling like sec school kids?
I don't know. Sigh. I don't think I wanna think bout it anymore. Been quite mean to Kate & hubs today. With every comment I see on facebook, it just hurts a little less. Yet, I am dreading to see what else she will say to me indirectly. I really thought I meant a little more. Apparently not.
It's so blown out of proportion. Come to think of it. We are both married & coming thirty in a few more years. I've got a kid. Why then are we quarreling like sec school kids?
I don't know. Sigh. I don't think I wanna think bout it anymore. Been quite mean to Kate & hubs today. With every comment I see on facebook, it just hurts a little less. Yet, I am dreading to see what else she will say to me indirectly. I really thought I meant a little more. Apparently not.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
The one with all the hurt
Kate's birthday party is over...& instead of happy memories, I end up being so hurt.
I stood up for a friend, which I should have a long time ago. It was pretty hard for me to decide to do so since I kinda knew that things may very well go down the drain, or be quite unpleasant. I thought bout it, & decided that I had to try to do what's right & not what works in my favor. I thought friendships, once forged, could last through anything, unless of course, you sleep with your friend's husband or something along those lines.
Apparently not. You know what hurts most? I think it's the fact that the person keeps msging me mean, hurtful stuff bout trust & not knowing me at all & all that shit. I put up with it, thinking that it's just spiteful stuff. I have got a bad temper too. But I chose to keep quiet & walk away, not msging back til I feel better. Thinking that things would blow over.
Nope. I think I know the person too well. "Cross" her in any way, she never forgives. What she said really hurts. "You don't need enemies with friends like that" Excuse me? All I did was stand up for someone. What accusations? What trust? You are making a mountain out of a molehill. If this friendship really can't withstand anything, fine. If you wanna "break up" the friendship, fine. But why keep using words to hurt and break others? You know jolly well how much you mean to me, what could hurt me & you are using it against me. & I think that it is vicious & cruel & mean. Am I suprised? Actually, no. It is what I saw you do to others before. Of course, being on the receiving end isn't nice. Am I gonna stoop to your level? Nope. I am not gonna be spiteful. You mean a lot. But this probably should have happened long ago.
Because I was so hurt, I didn't attend to Kate when she cried & threw my tantrum at hubs. After going down for a smoke, Kate was still crying so I went up, still sobbing & took Kate. Hubs ignored me & went for his smoke. When he came back, he saw the comments & messages & came up to comfort me. That meant so much because I think he doesn't see what is the big deal, which hurt me too.
I hate this. This feeling that I have lost such a big part of my life. I don't think I did anything wrong, so no apology is gonna come from me. I maintain my stand that if a person is out of your life, leave her alone. Don't spread rumors. Or do other stuff. Gossiping bout others is fun, but it can be so cruel too. I won't say sorry, and I never did accuse anyone. I stated my stand, the facts to who I thought could handle it graciously. Instead, what I get is a whole load of hurtful, spiteful remarks bout the friendship we never had, how we don't know each other, how we can't be friends anymore, blah blah blah. Sigh. I don't know which I am more, sad or pissed off.
I only know that sometimes, you have to do what is right. & put up with all the comments that others have. Whether I do it right or wrong, people will always say alot of things anyway. Even friends. So I rather do it right, & lose a friendship, then do it wrong again, & feel guilty to another friend. Whatever. I hope the hurt fades soon. It feels like Celia all over again. I just don't get it why people choose to push and piss off the people who love them as they are. I don't get it, really. But it doesn't matter anymore. It really doesn't. I feel so alone now. I really do.
I stood up for a friend, which I should have a long time ago. It was pretty hard for me to decide to do so since I kinda knew that things may very well go down the drain, or be quite unpleasant. I thought bout it, & decided that I had to try to do what's right & not what works in my favor. I thought friendships, once forged, could last through anything, unless of course, you sleep with your friend's husband or something along those lines.
Apparently not. You know what hurts most? I think it's the fact that the person keeps msging me mean, hurtful stuff bout trust & not knowing me at all & all that shit. I put up with it, thinking that it's just spiteful stuff. I have got a bad temper too. But I chose to keep quiet & walk away, not msging back til I feel better. Thinking that things would blow over.
Nope. I think I know the person too well. "Cross" her in any way, she never forgives. What she said really hurts. "You don't need enemies with friends like that" Excuse me? All I did was stand up for someone. What accusations? What trust? You are making a mountain out of a molehill. If this friendship really can't withstand anything, fine. If you wanna "break up" the friendship, fine. But why keep using words to hurt and break others? You know jolly well how much you mean to me, what could hurt me & you are using it against me. & I think that it is vicious & cruel & mean. Am I suprised? Actually, no. It is what I saw you do to others before. Of course, being on the receiving end isn't nice. Am I gonna stoop to your level? Nope. I am not gonna be spiteful. You mean a lot. But this probably should have happened long ago.
Because I was so hurt, I didn't attend to Kate when she cried & threw my tantrum at hubs. After going down for a smoke, Kate was still crying so I went up, still sobbing & took Kate. Hubs ignored me & went for his smoke. When he came back, he saw the comments & messages & came up to comfort me. That meant so much because I think he doesn't see what is the big deal, which hurt me too.
I hate this. This feeling that I have lost such a big part of my life. I don't think I did anything wrong, so no apology is gonna come from me. I maintain my stand that if a person is out of your life, leave her alone. Don't spread rumors. Or do other stuff. Gossiping bout others is fun, but it can be so cruel too. I won't say sorry, and I never did accuse anyone. I stated my stand, the facts to who I thought could handle it graciously. Instead, what I get is a whole load of hurtful, spiteful remarks bout the friendship we never had, how we don't know each other, how we can't be friends anymore, blah blah blah. Sigh. I don't know which I am more, sad or pissed off.
I only know that sometimes, you have to do what is right. & put up with all the comments that others have. Whether I do it right or wrong, people will always say alot of things anyway. Even friends. So I rather do it right, & lose a friendship, then do it wrong again, & feel guilty to another friend. Whatever. I hope the hurt fades soon. It feels like Celia all over again. I just don't get it why people choose to push and piss off the people who love them as they are. I don't get it, really. But it doesn't matter anymore. It really doesn't. I feel so alone now. I really do.
Friday, November 6, 2009
The one with a near heart attack
I nearly had a heart attack when I tried to access my hard disk just now. My com read it as empty. And all my digital scrapbook elements were in it!
Thank God it was just a mistake.
I'm not taking anymore chances; I'm gonna burn all my things to a dvd. Now.
Was so angry with Kate last night. She woke up at 3plus in the morning & played til 6 plus before deciding she should go back to bed. And after not sleeping for most of the night before, you would expect her to sleep in late. She woke up at 9am. Sigh.
That little rascal fell twice today while trying to climb up. Kids really do have a stuff or two to teach us. Never give up - after crying, they get back to climbing yet again. Haha.
I'm supposed to pack for the chalet. But I'm so lazy, just wanna sit here & listen to music & blog bout nothing. & now des & I are chatting on MSN, ridiculous right?! (He's in his room, me in dining room)
We are discussing something very important - music genres. Haha! He's explaining the meaning of indie to me. And he makes more sense than alot of those sales people at music stores. He's now officially my dictionary. He knows alot of stuff le! Everytime when we are watching tv & I ask dad what is that showing or what this word means, des would be the one with the answer, haha.
I cannot stand our conversation-must save it!
MariA says:
and im so very confused bout the genre already. pop-indie, indie-rock, sigh.
desmonde says:
indie means independant.. they dun have big labels behind them. (probably like Mads Langer), pop is like popular tunes.. folk is folksy lor. i like folksy.
MariA says:
Ic...
MariA says:
i guess it makes it slightly better.
MariA says:
i mean your explanation
MariA says:
so wat is the script
desmonde says:
indie-pop i think.
desmonde says:
(but the indie term is changing now.. most ppl dun get it so they relegate it to alternative.. which is hard to listen to. but actually indie must be termed with a proper genre. like indie-pop, indie-rock.)
MariA says:
oh! i also tot it's alternative
MariA says:
then what exactly is alternative?
MariA says:
you should work in a music store, you make more sense than the last few people i spoke to- all working at music stores
desmonde says:
alternative is just harder to listen to then pop.. i think it has to do with the music writing, like the chords they use..
yea, i think i should. but ppl are abusing these labels so my version (which i believe to be more accurate) might not hold for long. it's like an apple turning into an orange because ppl keep saying it's an orange.
desmonde says:
you know. haha
MariA says:
hahahaha
Thank God it was just a mistake.
I'm not taking anymore chances; I'm gonna burn all my things to a dvd. Now.
Was so angry with Kate last night. She woke up at 3plus in the morning & played til 6 plus before deciding she should go back to bed. And after not sleeping for most of the night before, you would expect her to sleep in late. She woke up at 9am. Sigh.
That little rascal fell twice today while trying to climb up. Kids really do have a stuff or two to teach us. Never give up - after crying, they get back to climbing yet again. Haha.
I'm supposed to pack for the chalet. But I'm so lazy, just wanna sit here & listen to music & blog bout nothing. & now des & I are chatting on MSN, ridiculous right?! (He's in his room, me in dining room)
We are discussing something very important - music genres. Haha! He's explaining the meaning of indie to me. And he makes more sense than alot of those sales people at music stores. He's now officially my dictionary. He knows alot of stuff le! Everytime when we are watching tv & I ask dad what is that showing or what this word means, des would be the one with the answer, haha.
I cannot stand our conversation-must save it!
MariA says:
and im so very confused bout the genre already. pop-indie, indie-rock, sigh.
desmonde says:
indie means independant.. they dun have big labels behind them. (probably like Mads Langer), pop is like popular tunes.. folk is folksy lor. i like folksy.
MariA says:
Ic...
MariA says:
i guess it makes it slightly better.
MariA says:
i mean your explanation
MariA says:
so wat is the script
desmonde says:
indie-pop i think.
desmonde says:
(but the indie term is changing now.. most ppl dun get it so they relegate it to alternative.. which is hard to listen to. but actually indie must be termed with a proper genre. like indie-pop, indie-rock.)
MariA says:
oh! i also tot it's alternative
MariA says:
then what exactly is alternative?
MariA says:
you should work in a music store, you make more sense than the last few people i spoke to- all working at music stores
desmonde says:
alternative is just harder to listen to then pop.. i think it has to do with the music writing, like the chords they use..
yea, i think i should. but ppl are abusing these labels so my version (which i believe to be more accurate) might not hold for long. it's like an apple turning into an orange because ppl keep saying it's an orange.
desmonde says:
you know. haha
MariA says:
hahahaha
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Get together tonight
Ooh, I absolutely lurrve this song!
Get Together Tonight by Adam Kling. It's featured on Star World, monday night laughs theme song. It's soooooo hard to find! Gosh.
Go youtube it...you gotta listen to it!
*sings loudly* Give me one reason if you've got one reason
Said there ain't no reason that we shouldn't get together tonight.
Get Together Tonight by Adam Kling. It's featured on Star World, monday night laughs theme song. It's soooooo hard to find! Gosh.
Go youtube it...you gotta listen to it!
*sings loudly* Give me one reason if you've got one reason
Said there ain't no reason that we shouldn't get together tonight.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I didn't know that I did not enable comments on my blog til debs told me the other day...haha.
I woke up to find Kate with the contents of a packet of tissue all around her while she busied herself "mopping" the floor. As I watched her, she proceeded to lift up the mattress from the floor and started "mopping" under it too, haha!
She can call "ahhh maaa" now! So funny. This morning, my mom teased her by saying, "Call me first then I bring you downstairs to the living room". Kate didn't call her so mom just picked her up & Kate said "Ahhh maaa!" in the sweetest voice, so cute los!
Can't stand her & her funny antics...
I woke up to find Kate with the contents of a packet of tissue all around her while she busied herself "mopping" the floor. As I watched her, she proceeded to lift up the mattress from the floor and started "mopping" under it too, haha!
She can call "ahhh maaa" now! So funny. This morning, my mom teased her by saying, "Call me first then I bring you downstairs to the living room". Kate didn't call her so mom just picked her up & Kate said "Ahhh maaa!" in the sweetest voice, so cute los!
Can't stand her & her funny antics...
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Kate's becoming more & more mischievous. Every morning after her feed, she will crawl around the room while I sleep a little more, & every time I wake up, I find her in different corners of the room. She knows I dislike her opening this drawer, so every time when she's about to open it, I'll call her sternly. Guess what she does each & every time? Stops, sits up, hesitate awhile then proceeds to pull open the drawer, turn round to face me & start clapping!
Can't stand that little rugrat. We're all getting a good workout just by looking after her. Strange thing is, watching "Barney & friends" keeps her quiet & she can sit down for the entire show. Only thing is one of us must be in sight or she will start whining. She's beginning to mimic the dance moves that the children does in the Barney series, which is so darn cute.
& when Kate's happy, she will either sit up & turn circles while still on her butt or start kicking her legs against the floor. I love it when she tries to kiss me, because she will open her mouth wide & I end up with alot of saliva on my face. Woke up in shock the other day to find her face hovering over mine, mouth wide open & grinning at me! & nothing beats the enthusiastic hug of a child.
She's beginning to baby talk a lot, though she only says clearly "mum mum", "up up" & "dad dad". I can't wait for her to start talking like Immanuel! The other day, we brought Immanuel to the water themed playground at Imm. Hey, it's pretty cool & keeps him occupied without us having to tell him no throwing the cup or stuff like that. I think its a really good place to bring your overactive toddler. Sometimes I wish I could fix up a room just specially for him & Kate, totally baby safe & just filled with their stuff so they can hang out in it & we don't have to worry or keep trying to keep stuff out of their reach. Sigh, hate that we got to pay so much in Singapore for just a small apartment.
Anyway Kate's birthday party is approaching...can't wait!
**I know my posts are getting so random without a flow in the whole post. Haha! Time's a precious commodity now!
Can't stand that little rugrat. We're all getting a good workout just by looking after her. Strange thing is, watching "Barney & friends" keeps her quiet & she can sit down for the entire show. Only thing is one of us must be in sight or she will start whining. She's beginning to mimic the dance moves that the children does in the Barney series, which is so darn cute.
& when Kate's happy, she will either sit up & turn circles while still on her butt or start kicking her legs against the floor. I love it when she tries to kiss me, because she will open her mouth wide & I end up with alot of saliva on my face. Woke up in shock the other day to find her face hovering over mine, mouth wide open & grinning at me! & nothing beats the enthusiastic hug of a child.
She's beginning to baby talk a lot, though she only says clearly "mum mum", "up up" & "dad dad". I can't wait for her to start talking like Immanuel! The other day, we brought Immanuel to the water themed playground at Imm. Hey, it's pretty cool & keeps him occupied without us having to tell him no throwing the cup or stuff like that. I think its a really good place to bring your overactive toddler. Sometimes I wish I could fix up a room just specially for him & Kate, totally baby safe & just filled with their stuff so they can hang out in it & we don't have to worry or keep trying to keep stuff out of their reach. Sigh, hate that we got to pay so much in Singapore for just a small apartment.
Anyway Kate's birthday party is approaching...can't wait!
**I know my posts are getting so random without a flow in the whole post. Haha! Time's a precious commodity now!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
The one with the anniversary
So we celebrated our anniversary with the little rascal. We had yummy thai food, & luxurious chocolate after. Mom said Kate was a big "light bulb" & offered to take care of her, but I didn't want to tire her out... So our munchkin came along...heh. I think she had more fun than us!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Snappy!
A few pics of Kate at Jo's house...
And every time she sees someone on the phone, she will mimic holding a phone to her ear. She loves pretending to cough & sigh. Damn cute.
Anyway! I finally finished James & Stella's wedding montage! They are happy with it & so am I. Hubs helped design one page, check this out;
The day before, Des was playing with Kate, & was dancing & snapping his fingers. What was funny was that Kate started to snap hers too! Funny gal. We realised one thing about her; at night when we pretend to sleep beside her, she will clap her hands as though to say she managed to stay up after us. A couple of times while putting her to sleep, she cried when we carried her, so we tried sleeping beside her. When we pretend to sleep, she will come over & either check whether our eyes are closed or poke us! Once she's satisfied that we are asleep, she will start clapping away. Haha!
And every time she sees someone on the phone, she will mimic holding a phone to her ear. She loves pretending to cough & sigh. Damn cute.
Anyway! I finally finished James & Stella's wedding montage! They are happy with it & so am I. Hubs helped design one page, check this out;
Nice right? I like it... Gotta get back to Kate!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Today I woke up and found baby Kate with wet tissues all around her; she had gotten her hands on the packet of wet wipes and had taken all of it out and was busy cleaning herself with one. *Grins*
It's our second wedding anniversary & hubs got me a beautiful charm & flowers. But I don't know. I think what I really want is a little "me" time. I feel like I'm going half mad with all the craziness of looking after my little one. But...I don't know. No one's gonna be able to take her off my hands.
It's our second wedding anniversary & hubs got me a beautiful charm & flowers. But I don't know. I think what I really want is a little "me" time. I feel like I'm going half mad with all the craziness of looking after my little one. But...I don't know. No one's gonna be able to take her off my hands.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Change
You know, I thought of this just now. Change. It must happen within oneself.
Today, James & Stella came over & we went to JP to walk & wait for hubs to go for dinner. When he arrived, I passed baby to him & Stella & I went to look at lingerie. When we finished, I found hubs outside the store, with an irritated look. That started my tantrum. I got upset & went on & on about how men can't look after the child for awhile etc... Then when James suggested at dinner that I needed a holiday, I suddenly felt overwhelmed with everything & I ended up tearing. Hubs handed me a serviette which made it worse.
Which brings me to this post. I feel so tired of my life & I keep complaining about how being a mother is robbing me of myself. How I hate all those stupid comments that I have to put up with about how to raise a kid blah blah blah. How I hate that my friends hardly call me out anymore. How I hate that I must sacrifice so much to be a mother. How I hate everyone with their insensitive words. How I hate every single thing and every single person around in this world.
I have become so bitter that every word that comes out of my mouth is just negative. Everything is bad. Everyone is idiotic.
Sometimes I wish people would understand me more. That friends can really be a friend and not just call me when they need me because I need people too. That people will stop hurting me with their silly mean comments.
And as I was thinking over all that has happened, it suddenly dawned upon me that it's true that you cannot change the world. You cannot change anything nor anyone but yourself.
If I were to continue to be this negative, I am just gonna tire myself out even more. I am so tired of life because of myself. Do you know how it feels when you finally realised you can no longer blame anyone or anything for your life? That your worst enemy really is yourself?
The most important thing that I have realised today is the fact that I, I need to take everything in my stride. People & their comments, the maddening everyday mundaneness, everything. And by and by I will learn to cope.
Today, James & Stella came over & we went to JP to walk & wait for hubs to go for dinner. When he arrived, I passed baby to him & Stella & I went to look at lingerie. When we finished, I found hubs outside the store, with an irritated look. That started my tantrum. I got upset & went on & on about how men can't look after the child for awhile etc... Then when James suggested at dinner that I needed a holiday, I suddenly felt overwhelmed with everything & I ended up tearing. Hubs handed me a serviette which made it worse.
Which brings me to this post. I feel so tired of my life & I keep complaining about how being a mother is robbing me of myself. How I hate all those stupid comments that I have to put up with about how to raise a kid blah blah blah. How I hate that my friends hardly call me out anymore. How I hate that I must sacrifice so much to be a mother. How I hate everyone with their insensitive words. How I hate every single thing and every single person around in this world.
I have become so bitter that every word that comes out of my mouth is just negative. Everything is bad. Everyone is idiotic.
Sometimes I wish people would understand me more. That friends can really be a friend and not just call me when they need me because I need people too. That people will stop hurting me with their silly mean comments.
And as I was thinking over all that has happened, it suddenly dawned upon me that it's true that you cannot change the world. You cannot change anything nor anyone but yourself.
If I were to continue to be this negative, I am just gonna tire myself out even more. I am so tired of life because of myself. Do you know how it feels when you finally realised you can no longer blame anyone or anything for your life? That your worst enemy really is yourself?
The most important thing that I have realised today is the fact that I, I need to take everything in my stride. People & their comments, the maddening everyday mundaneness, everything. And by and by I will learn to cope.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
have you ever listened to a song & just felt like crying & crying?
even if there is really no reason why you should be doing so?
have you ever wondered why you are here, why things are the way they are?
why life is the way it is?
why life is sometimes so hard?
why being you is just so tiring?
why you feel like you are losing yourself?
that you may never feel complete ever again?
that you will never really be happy again?
why people just cant accept you or like you without you having to try so hard?
even if there is really no reason why you should be doing so?
have you ever wondered why you are here, why things are the way they are?
why life is the way it is?
why life is sometimes so hard?
why being you is just so tiring?
why you feel like you are losing yourself?
that you may never feel complete ever again?
that you will never really be happy again?
why people just cant accept you or like you without you having to try so hard?
Friday, September 11, 2009
Baby news!
Been so long since I blogged. Better do so before I forget whatever that has happened!
I brought Kate to Jo's house that day; she has this lovely dog at home. Thought my timid gal would be scared. Turns out she wasn't that scared. Scrunchie was excited at seeing us, & kept trying to playfully bite us and I was panicky but Kate just kicked him & tried to reach out to him, even though she got scratched by his nails. Very funny to see her playing with him & how they both gave each other scares. Kate tried to pass him her ball & he ran off, thinking she wants to hit him. Then Kate attempted to crawl towards him, but the moment he came towards her, she crawled back to me, haha.
The day before, when we told her to shake, she will deliberately move from side to side, so cute! She's rather intelligent & picks up things quick, which I suppose all babies her age do. How time flies, she's coming ten months! She's now attempting to say daddy, but she can't yet, so it's "da da" for now. The other night I told her daddy is coming home soon, after which she turned to the main door & started crying...Haha.
Did I mention she can now wave goodbye, hello & give a flying kiss? She can also clap & raise her hands in the air when we sing praises or say "Hallelujah!" Very adorable...brought her to church that day & while the adults were singing, she was raising her hands & Immanuel was dancing & clapping. =)
Immanuel's adjusting to school now, but he's been quite mischevious since attending playgroup. Which I guess is normal since he is in the "terrible twos" stage & mixing around with other kids. It's hard though, to see him throw tantrums when he comes, but it usually lasts only bout an hour. After a little coaxing & stern warnings, he's back to that loving kid we know. He doesn't seem to mix very well with other kids though from what I observe at church, & I think it's because he is so smart. Honestly! He speaks very well for his age, & he just turned two! He can string a whole sentance & he makes himself understood. His teachers love him to bits, as do we...=)
Oh! The other day, we went to the airport...& spent the whole day there. Kate was busy trying to get into water fountains, hanging out at the playground watching other kids & hugging little gals...She tried to hug this little gal who was so afraid of Kate because she didn't know what to expect, so funny! Here's pics from our day out at the airport.
I brought Kate to Jo's house that day; she has this lovely dog at home. Thought my timid gal would be scared. Turns out she wasn't that scared. Scrunchie was excited at seeing us, & kept trying to playfully bite us and I was panicky but Kate just kicked him & tried to reach out to him, even though she got scratched by his nails. Very funny to see her playing with him & how they both gave each other scares. Kate tried to pass him her ball & he ran off, thinking she wants to hit him. Then Kate attempted to crawl towards him, but the moment he came towards her, she crawled back to me, haha.
Brought Kate out with my parents that day, when mom had to go for her appointment & I had to sneak to Golden Mile food centre to get knives as a gift for my dad. (Yea, he likes to collect knives) I forgot to see the address of the shop, Sng Arms, & ended up at Golden Mile Complex. So I walked all over the place, looking for the shop & ended up climbing the overhead bridge with baby, stroller & all. Sigh. Anyway, here's the little terror with us & Stella at Raffles City Canele. Hey, they got nice crepes there!
Baby Kate loves to play with my makeup; she thinks my mascara is a handphone!
Kate loves to watch Barney & all the cartoon stuff. Put her in the highchair in front of the computer & give her some snacks; she's one happy camper!
She's really a big gal now! She's really got a fiery temper; if you scold or beat her, she will scold or beat you back. Terrible, but so awfully cute, I've got to bite my lip to prevent myself from laughing.
The day before, when we told her to shake, she will deliberately move from side to side, so cute! She's rather intelligent & picks up things quick, which I suppose all babies her age do. How time flies, she's coming ten months! She's now attempting to say daddy, but she can't yet, so it's "da da" for now. The other night I told her daddy is coming home soon, after which she turned to the main door & started crying...Haha.
Did I mention she can now wave goodbye, hello & give a flying kiss? She can also clap & raise her hands in the air when we sing praises or say "Hallelujah!" Very adorable...brought her to church that day & while the adults were singing, she was raising her hands & Immanuel was dancing & clapping. =)
Immanuel's adjusting to school now, but he's been quite mischevious since attending playgroup. Which I guess is normal since he is in the "terrible twos" stage & mixing around with other kids. It's hard though, to see him throw tantrums when he comes, but it usually lasts only bout an hour. After a little coaxing & stern warnings, he's back to that loving kid we know. He doesn't seem to mix very well with other kids though from what I observe at church, & I think it's because he is so smart. Honestly! He speaks very well for his age, & he just turned two! He can string a whole sentance & he makes himself understood. His teachers love him to bits, as do we...=)
Oh! The other day, we went to the airport...& spent the whole day there. Kate was busy trying to get into water fountains, hanging out at the playground watching other kids & hugging little gals...She tried to hug this little gal who was so afraid of Kate because she didn't know what to expect, so funny! Here's pics from our day out at the airport.
Anyway, I had a great time today spending dad's vouchers, heh. I think I am a super shopaholic, and I think it's not very good le. I bought my makeup & some baby stuff & food stuff & I was on a high the whole time. Sigh. But my only pleasures now, other than being a mother; is to shop & smoke. So... well. Gotta try to cut down though. I love buying stuff, anything! Even buying stationary or groceries makes me happy. And I think only hubs understand & doesn't say a thing or complain or think I'm horrible. I'm so glad he does. Because I hate justifying myself to people around me. Blah. I'm so happy with my buys!
Saturday, August 22, 2009
it's been so long since I blogged...
Mom's been diagnosed with 1st stage breast cancer and quite a number of things has changed in our household. Mom's weaker now & can't use her left hand much after her op to remove the lump but she's coping well and I'm so proud of her for being so strong & positive.
The housework is now divided between us & my dad but I think Des & dad does the most of it...You know, the funny thing is, I never thought of my mom as sick throughout this time, because she's so positive. & as a christian, her faith is strong and it never wavered despite the shock and pain of all that's happened. I am so thankful to the Lord, especially that so far the cancer cells have not affected her other organs & that my mom is so positive. Dad's right, she carrys herself very well.
Immanuel no longer comes everyday, but we make it a point to fetch him over to our place every week. The little boy now goes to a childcare centre. To be honest, it's very hard to not see him. I mean, everything happened quite sudden so he must be wondering why all of a sudden he doesn't come to our place everyday anymore. & that thought is killing us all I think. That's why we are always going over to his centre & bringing him back here, when dad's off. I wanted to take care of him, but I guess it's just too much for now. Des mentioned maybe next year would be a good idea, since Kate would be walking by then and she can play with him and be more independent. I miss him...& I hope he is coping well and enjoying his school.
Kate's been great, still sticky gluey but very loving and cheeky. her first words are "mum mum"! (That's food, for the uninitiated)
Well, more to blog about again some other time...
Mom's been diagnosed with 1st stage breast cancer and quite a number of things has changed in our household. Mom's weaker now & can't use her left hand much after her op to remove the lump but she's coping well and I'm so proud of her for being so strong & positive.
The housework is now divided between us & my dad but I think Des & dad does the most of it...You know, the funny thing is, I never thought of my mom as sick throughout this time, because she's so positive. & as a christian, her faith is strong and it never wavered despite the shock and pain of all that's happened. I am so thankful to the Lord, especially that so far the cancer cells have not affected her other organs & that my mom is so positive. Dad's right, she carrys herself very well.
Immanuel no longer comes everyday, but we make it a point to fetch him over to our place every week. The little boy now goes to a childcare centre. To be honest, it's very hard to not see him. I mean, everything happened quite sudden so he must be wondering why all of a sudden he doesn't come to our place everyday anymore. & that thought is killing us all I think. That's why we are always going over to his centre & bringing him back here, when dad's off. I wanted to take care of him, but I guess it's just too much for now. Des mentioned maybe next year would be a good idea, since Kate would be walking by then and she can play with him and be more independent. I miss him...& I hope he is coping well and enjoying his school.
Kate's been great, still sticky gluey but very loving and cheeky. her first words are "mum mum"! (That's food, for the uninitiated)
Well, more to blog about again some other time...
Saturday, July 18, 2009
June & July desktop picture
Check this out, Kate's calendar shot of the month June;
I got this desktop image free from http://shabbyprincess.typepad.com/shabby_princess/
& for this month...
Every month, they have one free desktop image & it's always so pretty!
I've got a problem with my blog..=(
Sometimes when I log on, it's got funny icons all around, which seems like a wrench & a screwdriver. & sometimes it's ok. Why is that so?
I got this desktop image free from http://shabbyprincess.typepad.com/shabby_princess/
& for this month...
Every month, they have one free desktop image & it's always so pretty!
I've got a problem with my blog..=(
Sometimes when I log on, it's got funny icons all around, which seems like a wrench & a screwdriver. & sometimes it's ok. Why is that so?
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