The one with pictures of little Kate!

I know I promised to upload the pictures from the indoor playground trip. So here they are!
On a friend's recommendation, we brought the kids to Fidgets at Turf City. No regrets, they had such a blast! It was little Kate's first time to such a huge playground & we spent 3 hours there. Poor me had quite a number of bruises from running with them and getting knocks all over! Still, no regrets to see them having such fun! Can't wait to go there with my friend and her kid the next time!





















We will surely return to Fidgets. Heh heh! I promised Immanuel a trip there for his birthday.


And here are some really cute pictures of Kate I took yesterday.
She was hugging her father so tightly and laughing away I had to get a shot of them!








And here is one of her in total uber-cuteness!

Nuah-ing for now

I am sitting down in front of the com, nuah-ing. Hubs went to try to sleep since he gotta work early later. I messaged him yesterday morning to complain about his "abandonment" last night. We were watching a movie and he fell asleep. Kate woke up and I had to carry her up and down so I was really breathless... So I messaged him bout it, and ten minutes later I received a call from him asking me what I want for breakfast. He had applied for childcare leave so he could stay home to help me.


Love that gesture...because I never intended it so, or hinted it. So he did it because he wanted to. If ya get what I mean. It was a pleasant suprise and I had a great rest today. Thus the nuah-ing now.


I loved this - which was written by Des on a album in Facebook about Daniel's dance club win at the annual church dance competition. I find it so funny!

"11past12 bollywoods their way to their third consecutive win at the annual 180 dance competition."
-- So many numbers in that one sentence that I'm having trouble keeping up. Ah, the mathematical-incompetency of a Literature student. So, to balance out the numbers, it's just one photo in the entire album. You've been warned.
 
He and Fanni always makes me laugh with the things they write. Yes, write.

Yesterday was the worse sick day ever in a long time. I got a cold because of Kate dearest, she started coughing and all first, so on tuesday morning I woke up feeling horrid. The dry cough and painful throat was horrible enough and yesterday I woke up feeling asthmatic. I didn't wanna see the doctor for a cough initially but yesterday I gave in, because I just couldn't function properly. Every movement felt too much, and it was impossible to rest with Kate around. I would much rather have a high fever than this; not being able to breathe really takes a toll on everything. Carrying her just leaves me breathless, literally. Even just brushing her teeth felt so impossible for me.




So I went to see the doctor who gave me a long lecture about smoking and having a history of asthma. Haha. I kinda feel like I'm suicidal or something, still smoking throughout yesterday and today. Every puff I take, I feel my chest tightening that little bit more. So I told myself this; I have been wanting to quit for the past year. Why not now? If I can go without cigarettes for the week, I'll quit. So I smoked a record of two sticks today. Very proud of myself. Soon, I can stop worrying about the smoke and nicotine-tainted stuff affecting little Kate. Third-hand smoke affects children the most. And this asthmatic episode reminded me of how I went through when I was young, having to puff and pant every morning when I climbed the stairs to the classroom in primary school. Feeling like I could just faint any moment. I don't want that to ever happen to Kate.

I had a huge fight with mom today. Over what she eats, or rather what she doesn't. She's been getting a lot of dizzy spells and I honestly seldom see her eat, so I nagged at her to eat more. That led to her dismissing me and me getting irritated and soon it led to a huge fight. Over my concern bout her eating. How ridiculous it is!


You know, I am not perfect. But to the people around me, I think none of them likes me, really! To everyone around, I'm less than perfect. I can never do anything right in their eyes. All of them. When hubs came back, I told him we should have left a long time ago, then we will be alone and the only one to judge whether I'm doing anything right will be myself. We shouldn't be here.


So crying over a bowl of noodles, I told him what happened. He, as usual, never said a thing. Worse still, I got the feeling that he probably don't dare go to bed with me like that. So I told him to go ahead and sleep. After awhile, he did. And I was left sitting there alone wondering how it is that I have no one to turn to for comfort. I know that is an unfair statement, seeing that I was the one who told him to go to bed. But the thing is...though I expected that no comfort would come from him, it still hurts every time it happens. Perhaps he's thinking; "There she goes again. Well whatever." I totally get it. That is why I haven't cried in front of him in a long time. Even when he does know, he chooses not to say anything whatsoever. He bought me chocolates earlier when I messaged him bout the fight we had. I don't know. Perhaps the distance between us is so great he no longer knows how to comfort me. Well. I won't wonder too much about it. I have already resigned myself to the fact that really, I won't be the same Maria as before, enjoying certain privileges and so on. So many things have changes, and perhaps the biggest change is in me.


Kate was comforting me in the evening though, she tried to hug me and played with my tears & even mimic my blinking back of tears. Darn cute. She's my everything. Really. Its not just that we spend so much time together, but also the unconditional love that we have for each other. Nothing beats that. To her now, I am the whole world & I could do no wrong. Even though in the eyes of others, I am always too strict, too this too that, whatever. People will always judge and gossip no matter what. Its human nature. As long as I know, and she feels my love, I don't care anymore. I wished I had the money to take Kate away with me. Because I wanna run far far away, from everyone. I just wanna be alone with her. Since I'm always alone with her anyway. But I can't. I don't have the capability to. Should I have, I probably won't be sitting down in front of the computer, venting my frustrations online. Its stupid, I know. But so very essential to my sanity. There are so many parts of my life that I hate. And yet those parts I love too. I know how blessed I am yet sometimes its just I really can't see what's so great bout my life. I know its contradicting.

The one about parenting

Yesterday, Jo and I brought Kate for a babies & children movie event, organised by a mummy whose shop I patronised before. It was a private screening of "Shrek forever after" & for parents who have children and have not been to a movie for a long time because of fear that the babies or toddlers will act up and cry. Before the movie screening, there was a magic show for the kids and also balloon sculpting and boy, Kate had a blast there! She brought back a balloon flower wristlet, 2 helium balloons and a marshmallow lollipop. She ran around for hours and bugged the balloon guy for more balloons. She fell asleep during the first half of the movie and then woke up to watch the other half quietly in my lap. I was initially a little hesitant to bring her for the event, since she's too young to understand or remember but I'm glad I did. She most definately enjoyed herself. Pictures will be uploaded once I get them from Jo...


The previous evening, we brought Kate to her cousin Seth's first birthday party too, at East Coast. Kate spent 4 hours running about and playing and she had a tremendous time there. It was fun to see her play with her cousin Shean and watch her interact with the other adults there. Kate's still a little shy, but she's getting better at socialising now. Heh.


As a parent, I get to bring her to the playground or some place else and just play "kid" for the day. I love the part where I get to do the kiddish stuff with her, or re-visit childhood memories with a simpler mindset.


Today on the papers, I read some articles about spoilt children and whether today's parents are slaves to their children. I do hope that Kate will grow up well. Even now I find her behaviour a little spoilt. She loves to scream when excited or angry... And I hate screaming children. I mean, in excitement, its still acceptable. Kids being kids cannot contain their excitement so for that, I will just remind her gently. But I really cannot accept her screaming in anger, though it's also another emotion. I just feel that negative behaviour should not be tolerated. Or encouraged, which is worse! I firmly believe that a child should be disclipined from young. Loving and doting on the child is only natural, but it shouldn't mean indulging them! If the child's parents says "No.", it means "No." And everyone around should sing the same song, so that the kid learns. If anyone should disagree with certain parenting methods, its fine to discuss it later without the kid, but never before the kid. But anyway, I have learnt not to judge too quickly, or say never ever. Judging too quickly; I used to look at screaming kids and think what kind of parenting they had. But Kate screams too, and I stop her all the time. Haha. Saying never ever; I promised myself never ever to give my baby a pacifier, but in the end I did, and I can't bear to take it away from her at night. Its like her security blanket. So yea... haha.


You know, I can't stand it when Kate steals a look at me everytime she does something which she knows is a no-no. I find it so darn cute and sometimes even have to bite down on my lip so I will not smile.


I also read on Yahoo! news that a toddler was hit by a bus... His parents must be worried sick now. I hope everything will be fine for them. Dad said that the parents should be jailed for negligence. I retorted that we are always too quick to judge. Toddlers run way too fast! I would know - I nearly lost Kate a few times while shopping. And not because I was too busy shopping; I always am so distracted by her, I usually give up and entertain her instead. She always run away so quickly and sometimes she manages to give me the slip. Mom then said it was dad's way of telling me to be careful with Kate, which I knew, of course. My daddykins like to say things in his strange harsh way. (I'm not too sure how to explain this in words)


But I'm grateful for my parents, really! They taught me alot about parenting, not just when I became a mother. But I remember how they used to parent me when younger. They were so strict I ran away a few times. And eventually they changed their parenting style because of me. I always knew that it was really hard on them. And I always felt so loved by them because of that. So as a fairly new parent, I know that I'm still learning and always will be...it will be a never-ending process.

Sometimes I feel so disheartened. I feel very misunderstood most of the time. It matters alot to me, but I know its no use. When people around has already condemned you as so. I couldn't help but call Jo while crying, something I have not done in the longest time. I wasn't so upset, but I needed to cry for awhile. And it felt strangely good. Usually my tears are angry, frustrated ones. For those, I don't feel a need to call anyone. But this time, they were heart-broken ones, thus the need to call Jo. I told Jo that this proves that I am not devoid of other emotions other than anger, contrary to what some might think.


Well, tough.

Spanish...

I stayed up the whole night, trying to figure out the 3rd chapter in my textbook. I skipped the last class since I wasn't feeling too good & I kinda regret it. I figure I missed out on some important stuff. So I tried to read through the 3rd chapter to see what I missed out. Yikes, everything is in spanish so I had to flip through the dictionary the whole time. (Good thing hubs bought me one the other day.) Fanni didn't go either, and she doesn't have a dictionary so I think she won't be able to revise.


Anyway, though it was hard, I kinda enjoyed myself studying. "Como estas?" means how are you? "Muy bien!" means fine.


Anyway the numbers got me all confused.
0 = Cero
1 = Uno
11 = Once
and the list goes on with many foreign words.

Then there's
20 = Veinte
30 = Treinta
and so on...

Then
25 = Veintacinco
But 35 is Treinta y cinco

Oh bother!


Plus the alphabet is almost the same as the english ABCs but almost every letter has a different sound.


Oh bother!!


I think no matter what, I must go to class every week! No more skipping even if ill...I hope I don't get ill again!


So anyway little Kate has been really busy terrorising us everyday. And being with her is such fun now, when she's learning to talk and do things by herself. The other day when she woke up at my in-laws place, she went to the room door & started knocking so someone will come open the door. When no one did, she came up to me & started to ask me; "Open this!" I acted blur and asked her what she wanted me to open. She tilted her head & thought, (no kidding! she tilted her head!) and replied me, "Knock knock!" Haha!


And not too long ago, she saw a dead cockroach on the floor and she exclaimed "Fish!" *Bends over laughing*


Here are some pictures of her, having a blast at her godma's workplace. (Jo works at a childcare.) Check out her boots, which Yvonne bought back from Shanghai. Love the boots! Kate looks so cute in them! And they go so well with everything!