Yesterday...I suddenly thought of Stella. And then I was damn pissed off at everything that has happened between us. Dad had asked me if we were back on talking terms, & no we are not. I don't know if we will ever, but I’ve got a lot on my plate at the moment - not gonna worry bout her. Dad thinks we are crazy. Sigh. Not me!


Well...I just came back from a lovely wedding dinner...very tired but can't sleep. Sometimes I just feel so helpless & drained out. I can't sleep when I'm exhausted, because I have to wait til Kate does. & I can't bathe or do anything til she sleeps. So I wait an hour or so for her to fall asleep, then go bathe, & pack or whatever. It's so tiring...I wished I could manage my time a little better. Speaking of which, I guess I also need to handle my shopping craves too. I wanted this Oakley backpack, to bring Kate's stuff along & all. I already have a diaper backpack, but its heavy & overpriced & loud. So I'm gonna sell that. But Oakley bags are quite pricey too. So I bought a cheap one today, rugged & big! And I was very happy with my buy til hubs told me Oakley having 50% discount on some bags now...& I feel like buying again! Sigh... I must control. I keep telling myself I don't need another bag/pair of shoes/whatever it is that I catch a fancy to. But I always catch a fancy to everything I see & its so hard to control myself! I always think, when I see something, that it goes so well with this & that & the colour is so pretty & blah blah blah. Must stop. I always tell myself & hubs "I gotta have that!" Then I start to feel abit bad after buying, especially the expensive things...like the amount I spent on the item could have fed a family for how long etc...I even thought to myself; if everytime I wanna buy something, I put aside the money for charity instead, imagine how much that would help the needy!


Oh, heard bout the boys brigade sharity drive? You can read more here...
http://bbshare.sg/
You can buy some biscuits, cereals, rice, halal canned food, adult or children diapers or find out what are the wish list or food list of the needy & donate accordingly. For the food or grocery items that you wanna donate, you can find out where the gift boxes are, & then you can go to that particular NTUC & shop for the items & donate at the gift box straight away, convenient right? Mom & I saw the gift box at Jurong Point today so we bought some stuff. I think its nice to know I helped someone instead of always just shopping for my wants.

The one with plenty of pictures!

I'm so glad...Finally cleared a box of rubbish that I left in the storeroom. Cleared all the junk & now need to pack everything neatly into the cupboards. Sigh, another sleepless night packing again. After all the packing of my room, still gotta pack storeroom. It's like a never ending job. But I feel such a sense of accomplishment!


Now uploading the pics for Kate's bday bash...to Facebook. Its taking forever. Let's try here again. (The other night, I tried uploading but something went wrong with my editting.)



























Okay...the above pics were from Des's camera...Still got more in mine. No time to upload yet though...Part two will come. Heh!


My editing went wrong...not very sure why some pics smaller & all. Never ming. Will figure it out some other time. Damn pissed with my blog though. Everytime I upload a picture, I gotta edit html and delete the seperator. If not, my whole post is ruined with pictures and seperator ALL OVER. Sigh. Wanna upload pics also so troublesome.


Anyway...today it rained really heavily...And Kate & I was in the room when there was a clap of thunder. I told her gently "Thunder..." And she replied me, "Thun er"! Haha! So very cute. She's attempting to talk but each word she says is slurred. Other than a very audible dad & mom & not forgetting mum(food), the rest doesn't really sound like the real word, haha! & each time I try to make her stand properly alone, in the hopes of getting her to attempt walking to me, she refuses. She will laugh & sit on the floor. Funny little gal.


The other day I left her on the bathroom floor while I washed my hands. Usually I close the door but that day I forgot. When I finished washing & wanted to pick her up, I realised she was gone! Panicky & knowing that little rugrat would surely go to the staircase, I ran out shouting for her. True enough, I found her at the top of the staircase, peering down at her uncles. Mom, upon hearing me shout, had instantly knew Kate must have crawled to the staircase too & was halfway up to get her. Gave us such a scare... sigh. I gotta be more careful man...


Ooh...anyway, its december again! The month of my birthday & Christmas! My favorite festive season! The past few years, I always wondered where that magical feeling I always got went to. I guess as you grow older, you spend less time with your family and more with your friends. Not that it isn't fun, it's just different. I realised alot of the magic for me, came from the time I had with my family in the past...So maybe that's what is missing from my christmas the last few years. Instead of having lovely christmas songs playing in the background, turkey & beef on the table, & audible conversations with my loved ones, I have been clubbing with friends. Drinking ourselves silly... Hmmm... Other than last year of course, when I just gave birth.


Anyway...I still love this month! I got wish le...Can please don't give my my birthday & christmas gift together? Haha. So not fair! I ALWAYS get them together, as in one gift for both occasions! ... And super big hint; if you don't know what to get me, just get me a fictional book, a thriller at that or some scrapbook stuff! Paper/stamps/embellishments whatever! Better yet, make me something! It doesn't have to be expensive. Contrary to what people think of me; high maintenence & only go for expensive stuff, I do not always go for the expensive things! But of course, if you wanna splurge on me, why not get me my all-time top of the list bag to get? The Loewe Amazona bag. I love the simple design but the hefty price tag is crazy!


Ooh, got this cartoon strip of Kate from Fanni's blog, isn't it adorable?? (Thanks Fanni!)

The one with lots of lazing around

Been lazing around for awhile... Wanted to arrange Kate's pics to post up here, along with pics of her presents & our outings but so lazy le!


Kate can now call me "Ma ma!" So happy! Plus she sound so sweet when she calls me. *Beams*


Poor gal caught a cold, & was quite the sick monster the past few days. Finally she seems much better today. But still very grouchy... Hate having to grab her cheeks & force feed her medicine. Poor gal will scream her lungs out & try desperately to hide in the crook of my arms. To no avail... heh.

The one with more quarrels

I quarreled with my mom today. And with hubs yesterday. I think I just need to quarrel with a few others, before the boxes on my list is all ticked... kidding. Sigh.

So sick of everything suddenly. Turning to more comfort food again.

The one with the beautiful video

I'm very happy today!


Met up with Fanni & Yvonne & had a lovely dinner at TCC. It was really great for me, since I didn't really think bout Stella.


Fanni presented me with another present for Kate today; a homemade video, compiling all Kate's pictures from birth. It was beautiful! & very touching to me. She decorated the cd cover with sequins and all, which is so what I'm into nowadays; self-creation thingys! This is what she said in the video...


"Hello Mama, Papa & baby Kate! Foremost, a very happy birthday to little rugrat Kate, who've since grew so much, from the 1st time I saw her. She's been an absolute darling to all of us...no doubt about that!


Just wanna let you guys know that you've done a really great job as a parent! Showerin' unconditional love, giving up lotsa things...
Whatever stress your going thru Mama, hang in there! I'm always just a call away should you need a listening ear...


I honestly have no idea how it feels like to be a parent, & I reckon it isn't easy... But looking at the Han family never fails to make me go green & I tell myself that someday, I hope I'd have a family like yours too..=)"


You know, when I read that second paragraph, I almost cried. It just felt nice to know that someone is acknowledging all the hard work & love you have put into raising your little one...& the fact that a friend is also affirming the fact that she's just a call away. It was something I really needed to hear right now. It's strange how comfort comes in the strangest & least expected ways. The other day, just after my quarrel with Stella, Ken's cousin also chatted with me on msn & said she was just a call away, should I need her. It meant alot to me...


As I look at a sound asleep Kate, it boggles my mind how time flies. She's one today... & a year ago this time, hubs & I were in the delivery suite, waiting anxiously to meet her for the first time. I remember the initial stage where I thought I would never make it through, that I would just die from all the stress & anxiety of being a new parent; every little thing scared me, & even breathing seemed so tough & strange for the little newborn. I thought I would never cope...& even refused to let mom go anywhere. Just wanted her to be with me & make sure everything was ok. I remember that hubs & I didn't dare to be alone with Kate for long, for fear that should she cry, we would not be able to cope. Whenever mom was around, we felt better, like we could breathe easy - backup's there. Dad was right. He told me one day, that I'll learn to cope by and by...


I really do feel so blessed. Despite all the frustrations of giving up my freedom, & all the times I feel like I would go insane, she's really brought alot of joy to us & I know I wouldn't exchange her for anything. Whenever she hugs or kisses me, I feel like the most important person in the world. Just yesterday morning, while I was sleeping, she crawled over to me, spit her pacifier on my face,(which woke me up!) & planted a huge kiss on me. When I looked at her, she gave me a big grin, & I remember feeling so loved, because it was such a random act of love, but means so much! It's like, she woke up, saw that I was still sleeping, & came over to kiss me just because.. if you get what I mean.


I feel so very blessed. I may not have a lot, not in quantity anyway, & perhaps I don't feel understood all the time (who does, anyway?) but I sure am surrounded by people who loves me. & I'm glad. It gets so hard sometimes...

The one with more whining =)

I feel like such a loser. Hmmm. I keep thinking bout Stella. Not the whole day, but occasionally throughout the day. Idiotic right? I mean, she's totally cut me off. & she's probably not even thinking bout anything that's related to me. Maybe when she's flipping through her wedding pics, when she sees a pic with my face, she's like, hmm, yucks, turn page over. *Groan* What the hell is wrong with me?!
&%@*@


Can someone please tell me why? Why she so easily just cut me out?


Hubs thinks it's no biggie. He thinks since she wants to be like this, I should just ignore her & forget it. But... k. Better not think. Make me wanna burst into tears AGAIN.


Keep talking bout her. I'm so pathetic.


Anyway! Kate! Can't stand her and all her silliness. She refused to offer her grandma any strawberry just now, for fear my mom will take it away from her. She's very adorable, she can fake laughter! Damn cute. She tried to take away my specs just now, and the moment she did, she hug me and buried her face into mine. So I realised why she's always trying to take my specs away when we lying down. When I laughed, (Very ticklish le) she looked at me & started her fake laughing too. Can't stand her. That night when I was crying & holding her, she just ly quietly in my arms. When hubs came up & comforted me, she turned to him & raised her arms as though to ask him what happened. Hee. I love her. She took an hour to get to sleep just now. Tossed and turned & played with the pillows.


Ooh! Weds morning, 3am to 5am, we are going to japanese garden! To see the meteor shower and Kate's been given the permission to come along! (By her grandma, haha) Details below...


Leonids Meteor Shower Gazing




The Science Centre Singapore and TASOS are celebrating the International Year of Astronomy (IYA) 2009 with a big bang. The stars of the show are forecasted to be a meteor storm that will happen between 3am to 5am.

Astronomers have predicted that the annual Leonids might put up the most dramatic light show not seen in recent years as the earth passes close to the centre of the comet’s debris trail laid down in 1466. The ideal locations for viewing are in Asia and North America.

On stage, there will be performances by Kenji Williams, an audio visual art performer, while offstage, visitors will be entertained by the Science Buskers. For astronomy buffs, an accompanying meteorite exhibition, a talk by TASOS, on-site telescope viewing of the planet Jupiter and inflatable planetarium tours for children will also be held.


Time: 8pm – 5am (*8pm – 2am: activities / 2am – 5am: free & easy)

 Start Time: Tuesday, November 17, 2009 at 8:00pm


End Time: Wednesday, November 18, 2009 at 5:00am


Location: Japanese Gardens


Read more: http://astronomy.sg/archives/563#ixzz0Wr9IbTGV



I can't wait. It's a meteor shower le! Plus it's happening just after Kate's birthday...=)

The one with the custom-made something

Which should I get? Custom made bracelet or necklace?
I want something which signifies little Kate. I would love a tattoo, but that's against what I believe. Hmm... anyway when I decide & it's done, will post a picture of it here & the lovely lady's website from which I ordered it from.


I think I'm used to sleeping very late already. Don't wanna go to bed yet. Sigh. Kate got beaten twice today, little rascal don't want to sleep & keep being naughty. I got to hit her hard, since when I don't, she actually smiles at me, thinking I'm playing with her. If you want to hit your kid, make sure they cry upon being hit. If not, it defeats the purpose. Sounds cruel right? I heard from someone, & thought it cruel. Then after much thought, it makes sense.


Last night, Kate woke up & started playing at hub's side, so I put my finger to my lips & said to her, "Shhhh! Daddy sleeping..." She followed my handsign & poked her finger against her nose. This evening when I said "Shhh!" again, she poked her finger up her nose, haha! Then later that night, when she saw hubs sleeping, she turned to me & put her finger to her nose again & smiled. Can't stand children; what joy they bring! I need to upload her pictures from her party soon... =) How time flies, Kate's one!