The whole day today, I slept & slept. Couldn't be bothered to do anything. & trust me, there are loads to do. I kept screaming at Kate, & hubs couldn't take it.
Finally, when I checked my facebook, I realised Stella had deleted me from her friends list. That, was the last straw. Crying, I went to have a smoke. & I thought to myself, why is she doing all this to me? She keeps doing thing after thing to prove to me that she wants me out of her life. That she does not want this friendship. Because I asked her to cut someone some slack. I find it ridiculous how far she has gone with all this. And I realised that she's right; we can't be friends anymore. But not because of me, it's because of all that she has done since the msg I sent her. The hurtful msgs, the deleting of all my photos & all the mean comments. I don't think it's fair. But I find that I no longer should feel so bad. Because I have tried, & she has done nothing but destroy the relationship more & more with all her antics.
I need to move on. Even if I am upset, I still need to do my job as a mother & daughter. One day, this hurt will fade. Five years from now, this incident will be just a silly memory. This is just the grieving stage. I'll be fine.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
The one after the big quarrel
I saw another comment which hurt again...it implied that I never was there for her, that she listened to all my ranting,raving & stuff. Raving is such a funny word to use. When I read the comment I was upset & hurt. Now that I am typing it down, it actually is funny! Raving maniac! That's me. Haha.
It's so blown out of proportion. Come to think of it. We are both married & coming thirty in a few more years. I've got a kid. Why then are we quarreling like sec school kids?
I don't know. Sigh. I don't think I wanna think bout it anymore. Been quite mean to Kate & hubs today. With every comment I see on facebook, it just hurts a little less. Yet, I am dreading to see what else she will say to me indirectly. I really thought I meant a little more. Apparently not.
It's so blown out of proportion. Come to think of it. We are both married & coming thirty in a few more years. I've got a kid. Why then are we quarreling like sec school kids?
I don't know. Sigh. I don't think I wanna think bout it anymore. Been quite mean to Kate & hubs today. With every comment I see on facebook, it just hurts a little less. Yet, I am dreading to see what else she will say to me indirectly. I really thought I meant a little more. Apparently not.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
The one with all the hurt
Kate's birthday party is over...& instead of happy memories, I end up being so hurt.
I stood up for a friend, which I should have a long time ago. It was pretty hard for me to decide to do so since I kinda knew that things may very well go down the drain, or be quite unpleasant. I thought bout it, & decided that I had to try to do what's right & not what works in my favor. I thought friendships, once forged, could last through anything, unless of course, you sleep with your friend's husband or something along those lines.
Apparently not. You know what hurts most? I think it's the fact that the person keeps msging me mean, hurtful stuff bout trust & not knowing me at all & all that shit. I put up with it, thinking that it's just spiteful stuff. I have got a bad temper too. But I chose to keep quiet & walk away, not msging back til I feel better. Thinking that things would blow over.
Nope. I think I know the person too well. "Cross" her in any way, she never forgives. What she said really hurts. "You don't need enemies with friends like that" Excuse me? All I did was stand up for someone. What accusations? What trust? You are making a mountain out of a molehill. If this friendship really can't withstand anything, fine. If you wanna "break up" the friendship, fine. But why keep using words to hurt and break others? You know jolly well how much you mean to me, what could hurt me & you are using it against me. & I think that it is vicious & cruel & mean. Am I suprised? Actually, no. It is what I saw you do to others before. Of course, being on the receiving end isn't nice. Am I gonna stoop to your level? Nope. I am not gonna be spiteful. You mean a lot. But this probably should have happened long ago.
Because I was so hurt, I didn't attend to Kate when she cried & threw my tantrum at hubs. After going down for a smoke, Kate was still crying so I went up, still sobbing & took Kate. Hubs ignored me & went for his smoke. When he came back, he saw the comments & messages & came up to comfort me. That meant so much because I think he doesn't see what is the big deal, which hurt me too.
I hate this. This feeling that I have lost such a big part of my life. I don't think I did anything wrong, so no apology is gonna come from me. I maintain my stand that if a person is out of your life, leave her alone. Don't spread rumors. Or do other stuff. Gossiping bout others is fun, but it can be so cruel too. I won't say sorry, and I never did accuse anyone. I stated my stand, the facts to who I thought could handle it graciously. Instead, what I get is a whole load of hurtful, spiteful remarks bout the friendship we never had, how we don't know each other, how we can't be friends anymore, blah blah blah. Sigh. I don't know which I am more, sad or pissed off.
I only know that sometimes, you have to do what is right. & put up with all the comments that others have. Whether I do it right or wrong, people will always say alot of things anyway. Even friends. So I rather do it right, & lose a friendship, then do it wrong again, & feel guilty to another friend. Whatever. I hope the hurt fades soon. It feels like Celia all over again. I just don't get it why people choose to push and piss off the people who love them as they are. I don't get it, really. But it doesn't matter anymore. It really doesn't. I feel so alone now. I really do.
I stood up for a friend, which I should have a long time ago. It was pretty hard for me to decide to do so since I kinda knew that things may very well go down the drain, or be quite unpleasant. I thought bout it, & decided that I had to try to do what's right & not what works in my favor. I thought friendships, once forged, could last through anything, unless of course, you sleep with your friend's husband or something along those lines.
Apparently not. You know what hurts most? I think it's the fact that the person keeps msging me mean, hurtful stuff bout trust & not knowing me at all & all that shit. I put up with it, thinking that it's just spiteful stuff. I have got a bad temper too. But I chose to keep quiet & walk away, not msging back til I feel better. Thinking that things would blow over.
Nope. I think I know the person too well. "Cross" her in any way, she never forgives. What she said really hurts. "You don't need enemies with friends like that" Excuse me? All I did was stand up for someone. What accusations? What trust? You are making a mountain out of a molehill. If this friendship really can't withstand anything, fine. If you wanna "break up" the friendship, fine. But why keep using words to hurt and break others? You know jolly well how much you mean to me, what could hurt me & you are using it against me. & I think that it is vicious & cruel & mean. Am I suprised? Actually, no. It is what I saw you do to others before. Of course, being on the receiving end isn't nice. Am I gonna stoop to your level? Nope. I am not gonna be spiteful. You mean a lot. But this probably should have happened long ago.
Because I was so hurt, I didn't attend to Kate when she cried & threw my tantrum at hubs. After going down for a smoke, Kate was still crying so I went up, still sobbing & took Kate. Hubs ignored me & went for his smoke. When he came back, he saw the comments & messages & came up to comfort me. That meant so much because I think he doesn't see what is the big deal, which hurt me too.
I hate this. This feeling that I have lost such a big part of my life. I don't think I did anything wrong, so no apology is gonna come from me. I maintain my stand that if a person is out of your life, leave her alone. Don't spread rumors. Or do other stuff. Gossiping bout others is fun, but it can be so cruel too. I won't say sorry, and I never did accuse anyone. I stated my stand, the facts to who I thought could handle it graciously. Instead, what I get is a whole load of hurtful, spiteful remarks bout the friendship we never had, how we don't know each other, how we can't be friends anymore, blah blah blah. Sigh. I don't know which I am more, sad or pissed off.
I only know that sometimes, you have to do what is right. & put up with all the comments that others have. Whether I do it right or wrong, people will always say alot of things anyway. Even friends. So I rather do it right, & lose a friendship, then do it wrong again, & feel guilty to another friend. Whatever. I hope the hurt fades soon. It feels like Celia all over again. I just don't get it why people choose to push and piss off the people who love them as they are. I don't get it, really. But it doesn't matter anymore. It really doesn't. I feel so alone now. I really do.
Friday, November 6, 2009
The one with a near heart attack
I nearly had a heart attack when I tried to access my hard disk just now. My com read it as empty. And all my digital scrapbook elements were in it!
Thank God it was just a mistake.
I'm not taking anymore chances; I'm gonna burn all my things to a dvd. Now.
Was so angry with Kate last night. She woke up at 3plus in the morning & played til 6 plus before deciding she should go back to bed. And after not sleeping for most of the night before, you would expect her to sleep in late. She woke up at 9am. Sigh.
That little rascal fell twice today while trying to climb up. Kids really do have a stuff or two to teach us. Never give up - after crying, they get back to climbing yet again. Haha.
I'm supposed to pack for the chalet. But I'm so lazy, just wanna sit here & listen to music & blog bout nothing. & now des & I are chatting on MSN, ridiculous right?! (He's in his room, me in dining room)
We are discussing something very important - music genres. Haha! He's explaining the meaning of indie to me. And he makes more sense than alot of those sales people at music stores. He's now officially my dictionary. He knows alot of stuff le! Everytime when we are watching tv & I ask dad what is that showing or what this word means, des would be the one with the answer, haha.
I cannot stand our conversation-must save it!
MariA says:
and im so very confused bout the genre already. pop-indie, indie-rock, sigh.
desmonde says:
indie means independant.. they dun have big labels behind them. (probably like Mads Langer), pop is like popular tunes.. folk is folksy lor. i like folksy.
MariA says:
Ic...
MariA says:
i guess it makes it slightly better.
MariA says:
i mean your explanation
MariA says:
so wat is the script
desmonde says:
indie-pop i think.
desmonde says:
(but the indie term is changing now.. most ppl dun get it so they relegate it to alternative.. which is hard to listen to. but actually indie must be termed with a proper genre. like indie-pop, indie-rock.)
MariA says:
oh! i also tot it's alternative
MariA says:
then what exactly is alternative?
MariA says:
you should work in a music store, you make more sense than the last few people i spoke to- all working at music stores
desmonde says:
alternative is just harder to listen to then pop.. i think it has to do with the music writing, like the chords they use..
yea, i think i should. but ppl are abusing these labels so my version (which i believe to be more accurate) might not hold for long. it's like an apple turning into an orange because ppl keep saying it's an orange.
desmonde says:
you know. haha
MariA says:
hahahaha
Thank God it was just a mistake.
I'm not taking anymore chances; I'm gonna burn all my things to a dvd. Now.
Was so angry with Kate last night. She woke up at 3plus in the morning & played til 6 plus before deciding she should go back to bed. And after not sleeping for most of the night before, you would expect her to sleep in late. She woke up at 9am. Sigh.
That little rascal fell twice today while trying to climb up. Kids really do have a stuff or two to teach us. Never give up - after crying, they get back to climbing yet again. Haha.
I'm supposed to pack for the chalet. But I'm so lazy, just wanna sit here & listen to music & blog bout nothing. & now des & I are chatting on MSN, ridiculous right?! (He's in his room, me in dining room)
We are discussing something very important - music genres. Haha! He's explaining the meaning of indie to me. And he makes more sense than alot of those sales people at music stores. He's now officially my dictionary. He knows alot of stuff le! Everytime when we are watching tv & I ask dad what is that showing or what this word means, des would be the one with the answer, haha.
I cannot stand our conversation-must save it!
MariA says:
and im so very confused bout the genre already. pop-indie, indie-rock, sigh.
desmonde says:
indie means independant.. they dun have big labels behind them. (probably like Mads Langer), pop is like popular tunes.. folk is folksy lor. i like folksy.
MariA says:
Ic...
MariA says:
i guess it makes it slightly better.
MariA says:
i mean your explanation
MariA says:
so wat is the script
desmonde says:
indie-pop i think.
desmonde says:
(but the indie term is changing now.. most ppl dun get it so they relegate it to alternative.. which is hard to listen to. but actually indie must be termed with a proper genre. like indie-pop, indie-rock.)
MariA says:
oh! i also tot it's alternative
MariA says:
then what exactly is alternative?
MariA says:
you should work in a music store, you make more sense than the last few people i spoke to- all working at music stores
desmonde says:
alternative is just harder to listen to then pop.. i think it has to do with the music writing, like the chords they use..
yea, i think i should. but ppl are abusing these labels so my version (which i believe to be more accurate) might not hold for long. it's like an apple turning into an orange because ppl keep saying it's an orange.
desmonde says:
you know. haha
MariA says:
hahahaha
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Get together tonight
Ooh, I absolutely lurrve this song!
Get Together Tonight by Adam Kling. It's featured on Star World, monday night laughs theme song. It's soooooo hard to find! Gosh.
Go youtube it...you gotta listen to it!
*sings loudly* Give me one reason if you've got one reason
Said there ain't no reason that we shouldn't get together tonight.
Get Together Tonight by Adam Kling. It's featured on Star World, monday night laughs theme song. It's soooooo hard to find! Gosh.
Go youtube it...you gotta listen to it!
*sings loudly* Give me one reason if you've got one reason
Said there ain't no reason that we shouldn't get together tonight.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I didn't know that I did not enable comments on my blog til debs told me the other day...haha.
I woke up to find Kate with the contents of a packet of tissue all around her while she busied herself "mopping" the floor. As I watched her, she proceeded to lift up the mattress from the floor and started "mopping" under it too, haha!
She can call "ahhh maaa" now! So funny. This morning, my mom teased her by saying, "Call me first then I bring you downstairs to the living room". Kate didn't call her so mom just picked her up & Kate said "Ahhh maaa!" in the sweetest voice, so cute los!
Can't stand her & her funny antics...
I woke up to find Kate with the contents of a packet of tissue all around her while she busied herself "mopping" the floor. As I watched her, she proceeded to lift up the mattress from the floor and started "mopping" under it too, haha!
She can call "ahhh maaa" now! So funny. This morning, my mom teased her by saying, "Call me first then I bring you downstairs to the living room". Kate didn't call her so mom just picked her up & Kate said "Ahhh maaa!" in the sweetest voice, so cute los!
Can't stand her & her funny antics...
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