The one with all the hurt

Kate's birthday party is over...& instead of happy memories, I end up being so hurt.

I stood up for a friend, which I should have a long time ago. It was pretty hard for me to decide to do so since I kinda knew that things may very well go down the drain, or be quite unpleasant. I thought bout it, & decided that I had to try to do what's right & not what works in my favor. I thought friendships, once forged, could last through anything, unless of course, you sleep with your friend's husband or something along those lines.

Apparently not. You know what hurts most? I think it's the fact that the person keeps msging me mean, hurtful stuff bout trust & not knowing me at all & all that shit. I put up with it, thinking that it's just spiteful stuff. I have got a bad temper too. But I chose to keep quiet & walk away, not msging back til I feel better. Thinking that things would blow over.

Nope. I think I know the person too well. "Cross" her in any way, she never forgives. What she said really hurts. "You don't need enemies with friends like that" Excuse me? All I did was stand up for someone. What accusations? What trust? You are making a mountain out of a molehill. If this friendship really can't withstand anything, fine. If you wanna "break up" the friendship, fine. But why keep using words to hurt and break others? You know jolly well how much you mean to me, what could hurt me & you are using it against me. & I think that it is vicious & cruel & mean. Am I suprised? Actually, no. It is what I saw you do to others before. Of course, being on the receiving end isn't nice. Am I gonna stoop to your level? Nope. I am not gonna be spiteful. You mean a lot. But this probably should have happened long ago.

Because I was so hurt, I didn't attend to Kate when she cried & threw my tantrum at hubs. After going down for a smoke, Kate was still crying so I went up, still sobbing & took Kate. Hubs ignored me & went for his smoke. When he came back, he saw the comments & messages & came up to comfort me. That meant so much because I think he doesn't see what is the big deal, which hurt me too.

I hate this. This feeling that I have lost such a big part of my life. I don't think I did anything wrong, so no apology is gonna come from me. I maintain my stand that if a person is out of your life, leave her alone. Don't spread rumors. Or do other stuff. Gossiping bout others is fun, but it can be so cruel too. I won't say sorry, and I never did accuse anyone. I stated my stand, the facts to who I thought could handle it graciously. Instead, what I get is a whole load of hurtful, spiteful remarks bout the friendship we never had, how we don't know each other, how we can't be friends anymore, blah blah blah. Sigh. I don't know which I am more, sad or pissed off.

I only know that sometimes, you have to do what is right. & put up with all the comments that others have. Whether I do it right or wrong, people will always say alot of things anyway. Even friends. So I rather do it right, & lose a friendship, then do it wrong again, & feel guilty to another friend. Whatever. I hope the hurt fades soon. It feels like Celia all over again. I just don't get it why people choose to push and piss off the people who love them as they are. I don't get it, really. But it doesn't matter anymore. It really doesn't. I feel so alone now. I really do.