It's a weds night. The last three days I spent sleeping and working longer than usual.
It's been only four days since hubs left for Hong kong. Everything's as usual, of course. But underlying that all, I miss him dearly. I miss my partner in parenting. There's so much more to say, but sometimes things are better left unsaid. Just the day before, hubs hurt his toe... And I'm praying that it will heal completely so that he doesn't have to work in pain. For this training is important, yet so is his well-being. He can't afford to take medical leave and rest when that is what he needs right now... But I trust that all will be well and he will be able to focus completely with no pain nor swelling.
Kate's on her second week at school. Actually had tons to write about it...But for the moment, that has to wait. At the back of my mind, I'm worried as to how she is adjusting at school. But so far she seems to be enjoying it, though she's having trouble napping there. I hate the nagging thought that I'm just leaving my daughter to others. But I know for a fact that's not my plan nor objective.
The other night when hubs called, Kate spoke to him and while sobbing, (because she was throwing a tantrum then) she said to daddy; "Daddy, please come back..." That. That sentance, uttered with so much yearning in her tiny voice, broke our hearts so completely for the second time in our lives since we had her. The first being when she shoved jelly into her mouth during that painful hand, foot and mouth disease period. Both of us admitted to each other how we nearly cried when we heard her say that. It was a heartbreaking, and yet heartwarming moment. Kate loves and misses daddy, even when she's so young.
It hurts a little to have to stay apart like this. But it will pass soon... Of course for Kate, hubs and me, soon is never soon enough...
Missing you. Every waking moment. Even when I try to occupy myself.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Singapore's big day
I have so, so much to blog about...
But in view of one of the most important day in Singapore... I have decided to blog about what I feel about the general election instead.
I have always dislike politics. To much to read about and it doesn't interest me at all. To say the least, I was one of those apathetic young adult, who didn't care much about politics and the like. (What?! I consider myself young ok? Lol)
But thanks to my hubby, who took so much interest in the election early on in april, and kept lecturing me about it two hours DAILY for a week... I finally took the step to reading the news; the whole article and not just the headlines. I also read most of the articles people put up on Facebook, which I had dismissed before. The one very important factor was that I told hubs that I will vote for no party; and his answer shocked me... He told me that if I didn't vote for any side at all, most probably that vote will be considered PAP's, since it means that I have no opinion about them running the show, so my null vote would be in their favor. Ok la, I really don't know if it actually works that way...but it jotted me anyway. Because not voting just means I don't know or don't care but I don't want it to be in their favor anyway. Like many, I also believed that my vote would not matter; I just don't feel that PAP will lose le... Like come on, so many years already...
SO anyway. I read up fervently. And discovered how much I didn't know. I read about policies, about ministers and what they said before... I read about why the current policies worked and didn't. And many, many more.
This year's election IS exciting. For the first time in history, so many seats are being contested. And it does show how many people are unhappy, doesn't it? A famous blogger blogged about it too...And hubs says its like propaganda. Hmmm... Kinda makes sense in a way, because she's influential and many young people reads her blog. She didn't say anything to influence our decisions but its clear whose side she's taking. The thing is...I really think that everyone who has to make a vote, should make an informed decision. By informed, I don't mean reading random ranting posts by anyone...
I love Singapore... And I'm grateful and proud that LKY and the likes of him, Goh Keng Swee, Toh Chin Chye, Rajarathnam, David Marshall, have put us out there on the map and made Singapore what it is now, a bustling city. (I hate the human traffic though, and the weather.) The thing is, this upcoming election has taught me alot about our current government or rather the just dissolved one. But I guess its a lot to be writing about and I'm not as great a writer as some...
http://yaevlejunce.wordpress.com/2009/12/12/my-vote-counts-10-reasons-why-i-cannot-vote-for-the-pap-in-the-next-election/
I think this is a great article. Its lengthy. But um, whoever we vote in will rule for 5 years. This article won't take you 0.5 hours to read. I don't agree with everything said, but I agree with the following(and more):
"I cannot vote for a government that decides its own ridiculous salaries DESPITE a very strong public opinion against it."
(I can't either...and it's really not just about their paychecks but everything else that has been brought up before. Despite what we bring up or object to, it all gets swept under the carpet, brushed off til now. Just before D day. Our government has never apologised, but in today's news, Lee Hsien Loong has apologised. *On Yahoo! news*)
"What Singapore needs is change
Lastly, by voting for a significant change to the status quo, Singaporean youths will become less apathetic, seeing that, for the first time in their lives, CHANGE is really possible in this country, and that they can make a difference in deciding for the future of Singapore.
The PAP will also be less complacent if it meets with a stunning defeat. Its cold Point 8-type ministers will also learn that it is Singaporeans they are supposed to be serving, not themselves. They will learn to treasure their constituents, to sincerely listen their opinions and to truly help them – all these are SUPPOSED to be their job in the first place.
People will also start to dare to join the Opposition. The only reason why I do not wish for the Opposition to take over the government is because it is incompetent, and it is incompetent because talented men and women who are concerned about the aforementioned issues, do not have the courage or faith in the system to step forward and join the Opposition (hell no, not with a law like the ISA in place). But if the PAP faces a defeat that is significant enough, trust in the democratic system of Singapore will finally be restored and the politics of Singapore can be revived to more than just dead rhetoric.
Of course we are grateful for the many, many good things the PAP has done for Singapore. It has been an excellent government in many ways (especially economically – I wonder why). However, it has also been found lacking in many aspects. Politics is not a charity, as they would themselves say with regard to the Opposition, and we cannot vote for a government simply because it used to serve the people well. If it has lost its focus, then support for the Opposition is the only way to make them regain this focus. No one ever says “I have a good salary already, please donot give me a pay rise”. Everyone wants improvements to their lives, and if we care about this country, we should seek improvements to the way it is run as well, even if we are satisfied with this country to start with."
Of course, there are many reasons why some of us pick PAP or any of the alternate voices. However, whatever respect I had for LKY flew out the window the moment he started 'threatening' those in Aljunied. And after reading about those who were detained indefinately by him in the past. He has demonstrated that we are not to go against him. Or else. Well, remember he said that Singaporeans need to learn "graciousness"? Go figure.
There are many great articles out there... Go read some before you decide.
But in view of one of the most important day in Singapore... I have decided to blog about what I feel about the general election instead.
I have always dislike politics. To much to read about and it doesn't interest me at all. To say the least, I was one of those apathetic young adult, who didn't care much about politics and the like. (What?! I consider myself young ok? Lol)
But thanks to my hubby, who took so much interest in the election early on in april, and kept lecturing me about it two hours DAILY for a week... I finally took the step to reading the news; the whole article and not just the headlines. I also read most of the articles people put up on Facebook, which I had dismissed before. The one very important factor was that I told hubs that I will vote for no party; and his answer shocked me... He told me that if I didn't vote for any side at all, most probably that vote will be considered PAP's, since it means that I have no opinion about them running the show, so my null vote would be in their favor. Ok la, I really don't know if it actually works that way...but it jotted me anyway. Because not voting just means I don't know or don't care but I don't want it to be in their favor anyway. Like many, I also believed that my vote would not matter; I just don't feel that PAP will lose le... Like come on, so many years already...
SO anyway. I read up fervently. And discovered how much I didn't know. I read about policies, about ministers and what they said before... I read about why the current policies worked and didn't. And many, many more.
This year's election IS exciting. For the first time in history, so many seats are being contested. And it does show how many people are unhappy, doesn't it? A famous blogger blogged about it too...And hubs says its like propaganda. Hmmm... Kinda makes sense in a way, because she's influential and many young people reads her blog. She didn't say anything to influence our decisions but its clear whose side she's taking. The thing is...I really think that everyone who has to make a vote, should make an informed decision. By informed, I don't mean reading random ranting posts by anyone...
I love Singapore... And I'm grateful and proud that LKY and the likes of him, Goh Keng Swee, Toh Chin Chye, Rajarathnam, David Marshall, have put us out there on the map and made Singapore what it is now, a bustling city. (I hate the human traffic though, and the weather.) The thing is, this upcoming election has taught me alot about our current government or rather the just dissolved one. But I guess its a lot to be writing about and I'm not as great a writer as some...
http://yaevlejunce.wordpress.com/2009/12/12/my-vote-counts-10-reasons-why-i-cannot-vote-for-the-pap-in-the-next-election/
I think this is a great article. Its lengthy. But um, whoever we vote in will rule for 5 years. This article won't take you 0.5 hours to read. I don't agree with everything said, but I agree with the following(and more):
"I cannot vote for a government that decides its own ridiculous salaries DESPITE a very strong public opinion against it."
(I can't either...and it's really not just about their paychecks but everything else that has been brought up before. Despite what we bring up or object to, it all gets swept under the carpet, brushed off til now. Just before D day. Our government has never apologised, but in today's news, Lee Hsien Loong has apologised. *On Yahoo! news*)
"What Singapore needs is change
Lastly, by voting for a significant change to the status quo, Singaporean youths will become less apathetic, seeing that, for the first time in their lives, CHANGE is really possible in this country, and that they can make a difference in deciding for the future of Singapore.
The PAP will also be less complacent if it meets with a stunning defeat. Its cold Point 8-type ministers will also learn that it is Singaporeans they are supposed to be serving, not themselves. They will learn to treasure their constituents, to sincerely listen their opinions and to truly help them – all these are SUPPOSED to be their job in the first place.
People will also start to dare to join the Opposition. The only reason why I do not wish for the Opposition to take over the government is because it is incompetent, and it is incompetent because talented men and women who are concerned about the aforementioned issues, do not have the courage or faith in the system to step forward and join the Opposition (hell no, not with a law like the ISA in place). But if the PAP faces a defeat that is significant enough, trust in the democratic system of Singapore will finally be restored and the politics of Singapore can be revived to more than just dead rhetoric.
Of course we are grateful for the many, many good things the PAP has done for Singapore. It has been an excellent government in many ways (especially economically – I wonder why). However, it has also been found lacking in many aspects. Politics is not a charity, as they would themselves say with regard to the Opposition, and we cannot vote for a government simply because it used to serve the people well. If it has lost its focus, then support for the Opposition is the only way to make them regain this focus. No one ever says “I have a good salary already, please donot give me a pay rise”. Everyone wants improvements to their lives, and if we care about this country, we should seek improvements to the way it is run as well, even if we are satisfied with this country to start with."
Of course, there are many reasons why some of us pick PAP or any of the alternate voices. However, whatever respect I had for LKY flew out the window the moment he started 'threatening' those in Aljunied. And after reading about those who were detained indefinately by him in the past. He has demonstrated that we are not to go against him. Or else. Well, remember he said that Singaporeans need to learn "graciousness"? Go figure.
There are many great articles out there... Go read some before you decide.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Can I say to you, please don't go? Don't leave me here alone. Because even at our worst,you were always my pillar of support. And we only got together again recently and things are picking up... I really don't know what I'm to do without you by my side, I really don't. I know I should be strong but without u, I don't know where to draw strength from.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Life. Is. Good.
For now anyway. And I'll take it as it comes, anyhow.
I realized what work life balance is all about. And that you should always be doing things that you love, to make up for the down sides of life.
I'm just grateful for the "now". And I wanna rediscover the Maria who did whatever she liked, disregarding all the negativity around. Just pushing through it all.
Be with me on this.
For now anyway. And I'll take it as it comes, anyhow.
I realized what work life balance is all about. And that you should always be doing things that you love, to make up for the down sides of life.
I'm just grateful for the "now". And I wanna rediscover the Maria who did whatever she liked, disregarding all the negativity around. Just pushing through it all.
Be with me on this.
Friday, April 15, 2011
For everything else
I just went to register Kate at the Childcare centre.
Registration fees:$53
Uniforms:$80
Deposit:$660
First month fees:$660
My peace of mind while at work: Priceless.
There are some things in life money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard.
Like the ones below,
A new nice work bag. Preferably Miu Miu.
A lovely new chunky ring.
Air tickets to Australia.
A month's stay in Europe.
French couture furniture for my new yet-to-come place.
K. I'm kidding hubs. Lol
Registration fees:$53
Uniforms:$80
Deposit:$660
First month fees:$660
My peace of mind while at work: Priceless.
There are some things in life money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard.
Like the ones below,
A new nice work bag. Preferably Miu Miu.
A lovely new chunky ring.
Air tickets to Australia.
A month's stay in Europe.
French couture furniture for my new yet-to-come place.
K. I'm kidding hubs. Lol
Sunday, April 10, 2011
The one with the decision
You know... Sometimes in life, there will be a point when a carrot is dangled in front of you. And at that point you will need to make a decision, whether to do as you like or want, despite the consequences. Or you just do what you have to.
Alot of things are on my mind right now. Hubs will soon be going for the training, but as we all know now, nothing is confirmed yet, how long, where to and all. I am very inclined to make the decision to follow him. Because of so many reasons, many only known to me and no one else because it's not necessary to list them all; it's my decision after all. One huge factor would be the whole adventure part. I know some think I'm nuts but what better time to do this than when I'm young still n my daughter is young too and we don't have to really worry bout work and school. This, however is something alot of people will never understand nor get.
There are many things to think about, n frankly I think I have thought about most things. From money, to being alone there, to my job and after we are back, to doing nothing much there, (how absolutely glorious don't you think?)except to think of what to do there, where to go and having the time to explore the place n figuring how to get around, and just having the time to stop and look up at the beautiful clouds. Oh? You don't think it's glorious??
Of course. There will be times that we will get frustrated, or lost or have to deal with nasty situations. Like what to do if Kate is sick? Or me? Or what if we don't have enough? Or what if people are mean to us? Or when I'm having a bad day and Kate won't cooperate? What if hubs have to stay at work late all the time and we are always alone? There are so much more of course, but so far no one has brought up anything that I have not thought of already. Any solution? Actually no. I'll just have to deal with each and every problem when it happens. And because I'm a mother, I have learnt that you just really have to prepare for the worst but not worry too much and take things in your stride. I'm not a risk taker when it comes to money. But strangely I'm one when it comes to my life, in a sense.
I think... (And this is taking a huge deal for me to admit) because of the depression (Yes I finally admit it, I know I have not been happy in awhile) that I have been going through since the transition into motherhood, and all the crappish stuff in my life, that I really feel that life is so mundane and everything that I have been doing thus far is merely surviving. Don't you sometimes wonder what you are doing here? Or that you are sick of life? I have been thinking that so, so often in my whole life. Surviving from day to day, is just not worth it. I feel that life is not worth it. (Is that so suprising? I'm not saying that I'm not blessed to have everything that I have, you know) And I just wanna try something different, to live, for once. I'm not saying that going on this impromtu long trip will solve anything about the way I feel, or that it is living. I just think that this saying makes sense; "In life, sometimes you have to get lost in order to find yourself." That is why in movies(And I think it happens in real life too, I don't care if you don't know anyone like that, if you don't, then let me be the first), people up and leave for awhile, especially after a long period of everyday mundaneness or depression or a really bad time. Then usually, they come back, richer in experience, poorer in the pocket, and especially in movies, they come back renewed, and happier. (I'm not saying this will happen, just giving an example) Does this makes sense? I am really so bad at articulating exactly how I feel, I mean I try, but when I read it, it just isn't enough to describe exactly how I'm feeling inside. But I guess, this is a sorta "how I feel" I must be thinking bout the whole "adventure" part.
Anyway, the most important person in this decision making has brought up his concerns and also made his stand quite clear too. And yes, hubs feel that I shouldn't go and stay for the whole duration, for reasons that I understand and agree on. So since his answer is better not, I'll leave it as it is. So there. Mind made up for me already. Nothing else to add...
Alot of things are on my mind right now. Hubs will soon be going for the training, but as we all know now, nothing is confirmed yet, how long, where to and all. I am very inclined to make the decision to follow him. Because of so many reasons, many only known to me and no one else because it's not necessary to list them all; it's my decision after all. One huge factor would be the whole adventure part. I know some think I'm nuts but what better time to do this than when I'm young still n my daughter is young too and we don't have to really worry bout work and school. This, however is something alot of people will never understand nor get.
There are many things to think about, n frankly I think I have thought about most things. From money, to being alone there, to my job and after we are back, to doing nothing much there, (how absolutely glorious don't you think?)except to think of what to do there, where to go and having the time to explore the place n figuring how to get around, and just having the time to stop and look up at the beautiful clouds. Oh? You don't think it's glorious??
Of course. There will be times that we will get frustrated, or lost or have to deal with nasty situations. Like what to do if Kate is sick? Or me? Or what if we don't have enough? Or what if people are mean to us? Or when I'm having a bad day and Kate won't cooperate? What if hubs have to stay at work late all the time and we are always alone? There are so much more of course, but so far no one has brought up anything that I have not thought of already. Any solution? Actually no. I'll just have to deal with each and every problem when it happens. And because I'm a mother, I have learnt that you just really have to prepare for the worst but not worry too much and take things in your stride. I'm not a risk taker when it comes to money. But strangely I'm one when it comes to my life, in a sense.
I think... (And this is taking a huge deal for me to admit) because of the depression (Yes I finally admit it, I know I have not been happy in awhile) that I have been going through since the transition into motherhood, and all the crappish stuff in my life, that I really feel that life is so mundane and everything that I have been doing thus far is merely surviving. Don't you sometimes wonder what you are doing here? Or that you are sick of life? I have been thinking that so, so often in my whole life. Surviving from day to day, is just not worth it. I feel that life is not worth it. (Is that so suprising? I'm not saying that I'm not blessed to have everything that I have, you know) And I just wanna try something different, to live, for once. I'm not saying that going on this impromtu long trip will solve anything about the way I feel, or that it is living. I just think that this saying makes sense; "In life, sometimes you have to get lost in order to find yourself." That is why in movies(And I think it happens in real life too, I don't care if you don't know anyone like that, if you don't, then let me be the first), people up and leave for awhile, especially after a long period of everyday mundaneness or depression or a really bad time. Then usually, they come back, richer in experience, poorer in the pocket, and especially in movies, they come back renewed, and happier. (I'm not saying this will happen, just giving an example) Does this makes sense? I am really so bad at articulating exactly how I feel, I mean I try, but when I read it, it just isn't enough to describe exactly how I'm feeling inside. But I guess, this is a sorta "how I feel" I must be thinking bout the whole "adventure" part.
Anyway, the most important person in this decision making has brought up his concerns and also made his stand quite clear too. And yes, hubs feel that I shouldn't go and stay for the whole duration, for reasons that I understand and agree on. So since his answer is better not, I'll leave it as it is. So there. Mind made up for me already. Nothing else to add...
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